Channelling out the feelings of resentment I've got...

One of the things that gets me mad to the point of frustration is the feeling of missing out on something. It's been happening quite a bit recently.

I tend to work at least two evening shifts a week, so I get home at approximately 10:30 pm. While I'm more of a night owl than I used to be, most of my friends have normal shift hours, and so have to go to bed reasonably early.

And since Fringe is NEXT WEEK!, the evenings I do have off are pretty much going towards rehearsals.

So I feel I'm missing out on things because of my hectic week. Is it possible to feel jealous of an a cappella group? Becuse that's what it feels like I'm doing.

I'm regressing back to 1995, where I was jealous of Heath.

Back then, I had a job with my old camp, Katepwa, as a counselor. Living outdoors for a month, training kids how to live in Christ as well as doing fun stuff in the outdoors.

Heath decided to apply to Broadway North, a Prince Albert theatre company who was doing West Side Story. And he got in.

What could I do? I had committed myself to camp. And so I couldn't join him up in Northern Saskatchewan to do a fun musical.

So I was envious of him for getting the opportunity to try something new. And, I wasn't able to see him perform a major role, because I was halfway across the province working, and when I WAS able to see him, I wasn't allowed to drive the six hours to get to PA.

But, water under the bridge. Until I got accepted to the University of Alberta and he was accepted into the singing troupe Saskatchewan Express.

And I became envious again. Because I realized something that still applies today. I am the guy who needs to be prepared, having a fallback plan for everything I do. I am careful and cautious.

Heath, especially back then, fresh out of high school, was impulsive. He did things that appealed to him on the spur of the moment, not needing any sort of preparations. He was easy-go-lucky.

And I seemed to be drug back by my commitments, constrained by my forethought and preparedness. And I hated Heath for being able to do everything he did on a whim.

Our relationship was almost destroyed by my envy. We had a strained friendship for about a year and a half, something I didn't realize until after the fact, when Kaz told me Heath's side of the story. But I'm glad we've been able to repair that broken bond.

In any case, the feelings I am currently experiencing are scarily similar to the feelings I harboured towards Heath. And I certainly don't want any friendships to be severed due to my busy schedule these days.

As much as I love Kow and the guys involved, I don't want to lose touch with MFJ, girlone, D!, Justice, the rest of my friends. Because, sometimes, there's such a thing as spending too much time together.

Also, I'd like to take time off work that'll lead to rest and relaxation for once. Maybe once I get a new job I'll actually be able to go back to Moose Jaw for Christmas. It's been SUCH a long time...

* * *

I've had my current cordless phone since May, and only this past week did I realize that colour of the face was actually gray, not blue. Yup, all I had to do was remove the adhesive coating off the face that was there to keep the display from getting scratched up before being sold.

Sigh. SUCH a moron.

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