No, seriously, I'd be the husband...

Yesterday, during my day off, Canton and I were messenging.

Canton: Day off again?
Me: Yup. Second in a row.
Canton: We never have our days off together anymore. We never get to spend time together.
Me: Nope.
Canton: My god. We ARE an old, married couple...

Last weekend at Cap, wedding stuff, etc.

Well, the craziness at Capilano continues. Here I thought I might be able to take a breather, but with the new manager and everything that's going on in my life, it was nice to take two days off and actually vegetate.

* * *

First off, today I found out I was secret shopped. Someone hired by the company came in and judged my selling.

91.8%, baby!

The only thing that didn't work out was me not asking for the sale (that was all the points I lost). So, damn.

But everything else, I nailed, apparently.

The comments read: He was friendly, he was helpful with the MP3 promotion and the different phones and plans they had. The store was clean, too.

So, that's one thing that makes me happy.

Although I'm confused why she thought I was in the 5'4"-5'9" range...

* * *

Canoegirl's wedding was very fun. Although, really, the fun started off with being able to hang out with Jo and Graeme last Friday.

We looked for wedding gifts, and I ended up buying some stuff for my bedroom. And then went to a game store to finish off the visit.

That night, Myles, Marauder, and I, along with a crapload of friends, went to see Episode III.

My conversation with Nee, girlfriend of Marauder:

Me: So, I bought some linens today.

Nee: Oooh! Thread count?

Me: 275, of course. Can't go with a low thread count.

Nee: Squeal! Colour?

Me: It goes like this - I bought an aubergine fitted sheet, an olive top sheet, and aubergine pillowcases. It doesn't quite fit my comforter, which is burgundy, but it'll work.

Nee: Nice!

Me: And it was 30% off! I got a bargain out of the deal. Also, I bought a Ralph Lauren bathsheet. Okay, just so I don't sound completely gay, I also bought some comics...

Ep3 was okay, but nothing to really rave about. A lot of the time I was confused about an athsmatic robot, cringing over Lucas' atrocious dialogue and yelling about how many freaking wipes were there.

Also, it seems like Lucas was trying to plug in every single plothole in order to make us think he had some grand plan.

So, in short, better than the craptastic first two, but it doesn't really hold a candle to the first three.

* * *

The wedding. I rushed to the church in Sherwood Park, and I knew that most of my friends would be involved in the choir, but I declined to be part of it, since I wasn't able to make any of the rehearsals beforehand.

When I got there, ten minutes before the ceremony was to start, I was pulled aside by Liz, who asked if I wanted to sing.

"I dunno," I said. "Would it be fair if I missed all the reharsals?"

"You sang all the songs before, right?"

"Well, yeah."

"We need more men."

So I accepted.

Dev came in about five minutes later. I said, "Hey, Dev! I'm in the choir!"

"Oh," said Dev.

"Wanna join?"

"Dude, it's two minutes before the ceremony!"

"I joined five minutes ago. They need guys, and it's stuff we've sung before."

So, it was a good service (although really short for a Catholic mass) and we sang well, I guess. Father Dave did a darn good job officiating.

Afterwards, Weathergeek, Romes, Roselle,Laura and I went for coffee and caught up.

During the reception, some interesting conversations happened: a lot of people were asking me where Canton was, and how he was doing.

After the fourth person asked me where he was, Dev laughed. "Man, it's like you two are married."

It certainly seemed that way after Dev and someone were talking, and didn't realize there were three bedrooms in our house.

Dev: "Yeah, all that's left in Axler's room is Jago's suitcase."
Bartel: "Where does Jago sleep?"
Dev: "His bedroom."
Bartel: "So there are three bedrooms?"
Dev: "Well, yeah."
Bartel: "Good. I was worried there."

My other favourite conversations of the night:

(Kim's two-year-old, Ethan, is playing with the spinning wheel on the stage with another young'un.)

Kim: "It's a good thing Ethan's not pushing Kayley over."
Me: "Why? Does he have a problem with sharing?"
Kim: "No, he just likes pushing people over."
Me: "So it's not that your son has a problem with sharing, so much as he's an asshole?"

(Kit's changing Caboodle into pyjamas on the stage, in front of everyone.)

Debates: "Man, Kit's changing Caboodle in the most prominent place in the room."
Me: "Meh. You see one striptease, you see them all."
Debates: "So all women look that same in the nude?"
Me: "That's my theory."
Debates: "Is it now?"
Me: "Well, yeah. Granted, I haven't done any testing on the subject. It's still in the hypothesis stage, really."

Other memorable moments include Ethan pulling off my fingers during the dinner (I went along with it, hiding my fingers when he pulled them in the order of pointer, ring - at which point I told Lllloyd, "God, I REALLY hope he goes for the middle one next" - middle finger - Whew -, little finger.), and me catching the garter to the tune of Spider-Man.

Apparently, Canoegirl and Paul REALLY enjoyed the group gift of a Canon Rebel digital camera (so Canoegirl can still use all her old lenses), which is good. I've been decent with wedding gifts in the past. Hopefully, Justice won't be screwed in that respect. (BTW, it's DevIN, not DevON...I spelled it out for you in the email...)

* * *

On Monday, we did the store's inventory, with Jenn, the new manager. The good thing? Both my old bosses, Mark and Chris, were there, so that was fun. The bad thing? Jenn brought her four- and two-year-old children.

Inventory's a stressful enough thing, but once you put two spoiled rugrats in the store after hours, you're playing with fire. Well, they're playing with fire. Well, really, they're playing with everything in the store that isn't nailed down.

And when I'm supposed to be COUNTING everything that isn't nailed down, and I can't find it because of the ever-increasing pile of stuff on the floor? I get mad.

The fuckers broke an alarm clock. And the youngest decided to pee on the floor.

Thank god I had my discman.

* * *

So, tomorrow is my last day here. And Jenn's not in the store because her daughter has a dance recital.

I swear, next week, this place is in danger of burning down. Or falling into a pattern of entropy. Or burning in a fire caused by entropy. Whatever the case, I'm fleeing this ship like a drowning rat.


* * *

Reading: The Millionaires, by Brad Meltzer. Man, Meltzer writes some fun suspenseful books.

Listening to: Feel Good Inc., by the Gorillaz. They're back with a new album! And I haven't danced this much to a song since Hey Ya came out! I think I'll be buying this one...

* * *

Spellcheck of the Week: "What's this "bathsheet" you're writing about? Do you mean BATISTA?" (No joke. Really happened...)


Not to sound like a broken record, but...

Once again, I'm being transferred.

Becuase Mark and I are doing wonders with Capilano, it looks like it's time to be upgraded to a bigger store.

So Mark's getting Westmount. And, apparently, I'm going with him.

Which is okay in some respects. Because the person who they're thinking of putting in Cap as the new manager, I don't get along with.

(Mostly because as an employee of Sherwood Park, she'd CONSTANTLY phone Chris to bitch and whine about her manager and stuff. Four, five times a day. To the point where, during an inventory that was going long, and the phone rang for the tenth time, I answered the phone by hollering into it.

([Ring ring]



("Oh, hey, Blaine. Sorry, I thought you were Jen.")

When Mark told me I'd be staying behind for a bit so I could ease the new manager in, I asked who would be taking over.

"Most likely Jen."

The look of shock and abject horror made him laugh.

Mark had the choice between Northgate and Westmount. He chose Westmount because it's easier for him to get to from his house.

If it were me, I probably would have taken Northgate, simply due to the fact that the current manager isn't the idiot that the last manager of Westmount was. I'm predicting one very, very entropic store there, mostly because Linda couldn't manage a cardboard box, and Jen, who's been looking after the store since Linda quit, is barely an assistant manager.

I guess my point is that while my aversions to managing a store are very well known within the company, it would really be a pleasure to be asked if I wanted a store, instead of being passed over for people who shouldn't be AMs in the first place.

As it was, it made for a fun conversation with D! and Dev last night.

D!: So, what is this? Are they trying to put you into every store to see if it's possible? And then, after you work at every store, they'll offer you one, and you'll know which would be the one to choose?

Me: I'd like that, actually. 'I'll take the Kingsway from 2002, and the Bonnie Doon staff from 2003.'

Dev: I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way.

Me: Whose fantasy is this, jackass?

* * *

Drink at Work has become a new place for me to visit these days. A hilarious site, it's written by the writer of the Sally Forth (Whoops! Thanks for the alert, Carol!) comic strip. And, no, it's nothing like Sally Forth.

The conversations with Ces' father are particularly hilarious, although I'm glad that I don't know a single dad that's like him. (That's a VERY good thing.)

* * *

On a quiz I took recently, I found myself to be a Cultural Creative.

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

Cultural Creative
















What is Your World View? (corrected...hopefully)
created with QuizFarm.com

Interesting little test.


Plug for improv

Just so people know, and since my blog has become one of the (sadly enough) main forms of people knowing about the show, I'm performing this week at Pavlov Improv.

Come to Jekyll and Hyde Pub (10610 100 Ave, a block south of the Jasper Ave. Boston Pizza) on Saturday evening (11 pm) to watch four improvisers put on a show.

Performers this week are Kyle Jago, Morgan Smith, Diego Ibarra and Scott C. Bourgeois.

It should be a fun time, as witnessed last time by a select few. I'm pretty sure I won't take a pratfall this time around, nor will I create a new term ("musical theologist") or make Paul laugh by keeping the last remaining eyelash of my dead mother in my car trunk for "safekeeping."

What will I do? Since it's improv, I'm sure I'll be doing something wacky. But neither you nor I will know until the four of us hit that stage!

IMPROV, BABY! It's the nature of the beast!

Admission's only $5! Seats are plentiful! Come on down!


Odd Transformations 26: Disappointing Old Friends, Even In My Dreams

So I dreamt that I ran into my elementary school friend, Paul Landry (who, in my last dream, was running a theatre). He's decided, apparently, to switch roles in my dream and has a son, about six years old or so.

We run into each other at a Capilanoish mall and he introduces the two of us. I take his kid out for a bit while Paul runs errands: We play in the revolving doors, and silly stuff like that.

Paul and I start talking, and he starts talking about the shape of my life, and how I'm not going anywhere, and how he doesn't want to end up like me, being a geek and hanging out in a comic/gaming store and not really anything to show for my life.

My dream shifts, and although I seem to be in the same environment, I'm now with my high school friends Penny and Shauna.

They brought me a book they found at the bookstore. A book written by me. Since it was everything I wrote on this blog.

And the book was HUGE! Mainly because of the all-inclusive index spanning one half of the phone-book-sized tome. Every mention of something had a footnote to go along with it.

So the two girls were reading some of my stuff, praising me for it.

Looks like my dreams aren't completely my subconscious trying to shame me after all...

* * *

Sorry for the lack of updating. The past few weeks have been crazy.

If any of you have tried to hit a RadioShack or been on the website recently, you'll see that we are changing our name to The Source By Circuit City. And we're busting our asses getting ready for the change.

Everything labeled RadioShack must be packed up and sent out. For Capilano, that's about 40% of our inventory.

So it's been crazy that way.

But when you add on the OTHER problem, that being that Southgate's shortstaffed, and need someone to help them through THEIR changeover? And that I'm the guy they need?

In the past two days, I've worked 24 hours. (Canton, start your lack of pity....now.) At two different stores. And while things are going swimmingly at Cap, Southgate's a whole different kettle of fish.

At least I'm able to sell a bit at Southgate. As it is, I'll be there for the entirety of next week. But that store's so MESSY!

On a brighter note, this means I'll be two blocks away from girlone, and we actually have hangout plans on a night next week. This makes me happy.

Related story from Southgate:

I was working when a REALLY cute girl walked and came to my till. She started asking about cell phones.

Now, I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to talk with a petite brunette about cell phones. It gives me a good fifteen minutes to look at her and have her attention focused on me and how I can make her life better. (Yes, that's right. Signing you up on a contract means I'd be good in bed.)

So we're talking, I find her name's Jasmine and that she's 21. And she asks me if the phone will work in Mexico. So we look that up. And, yes, she can. Excellent.

I go in the back room for the cell phone. Chase, a Southgate worker, comes in the back, and says "Hey, Kyle."

Me: "You were talking to her about this before?"

Chase: "Yeah. Yesterday."

Me: "Tell you what. I'll ring it in under you, as long as I get to do everything for it."

Chase: "So let me get this straight. You do all the work, I get the sale?"

Me: "This is what I'm willing to do to talk to a very hot girl."

Chase: "Go to it."

Unfortunately, we don't have the phone, but we'll get one rushed in for her that night. So I'm filling out the forms, and ask her what's happening in Mexico.

"Oh, a few girlfriends and I are going there for a friend's brother's wedding."

Being a guy, I take the image I have of Jasmine in my mind and put her in suitable attire for a Mexican beach.

My left temple promptly explodes.

"Ah," I say. "That's pretty cool."

"Yeah," Jasmine says. "And it's free alcohol, 24/7. And free room service."

Being a guy, I take the image I have of a bikini-clad Jasmine in my mind and take away the inhibitions and add a hotel room.

My right temple promptly explodes.

I was able to function for the rest of the time I was with her. But I'm sure my synapses weren't quite firing properly.

* * *

My brother has just announced to me that he has a blog. Which is cool. But also means that he and I share the same Blogger name. Which could get confusing, if I decide to comment. Good thing for my pic in my profile.

* * *

Had Pavlov Improv last Saturday, and I actually performed. My boss and coworker were in the audience again.

At one point, during a scene involving a hand-washing ritual, I drop the waterbowl. And then slip in the water.

To which Dustin leans over to Mark and whispers, "Jago took a bump! How cool is that?"

It was a very fun time, and I played pretty well. And I urge more people to come out to these things, because you'll also have a good time.

* * *

After work yesterday, I drove like the dickens (10 minutes to get from Capilano Mall to NAIT beside Kingsway? And without breaking any traffic rules? Who's the king? I'm the king.) to get to the Prairie Wrestling Alliance show that both my co-workers are involved in.

D! and Elimination were there, and I got into the building just in time to hear: "Tag team champions Marky Mark and Phoenix Taylor!" And got to my seat just in time for Marky to give me props.

It was my second independent wrestling show I've been to. The first one happened when I was interning at CKCK TV in Regina, and had to cover a wrestling show. I wasn't really concerned with the wrestling that time, so much as I was laying out the package in my mind. (Side note: it was the first time anything I produced made it onto the air. Other than the writing I was doing. For my first package to be a wrestling show? It was the coolest thing, editing that video.)

Indy shows are a completely different animal from the WWE programming you see on TV.

First off, I knew the backstory behind this match. The opponent booked against Mark was talking trash about Mark and Phoenix a few weeks back. So they were going to "work" the match, make it a little more real. Not hold back on the move, rough the guy up a bit.

From ringside, D!, Elimination and I had the first-hand view of time, and yeah, some of those moves were definitely harder than they could have been.

The other guy on the opposing team was Harry Smith, son of "Bulldog" Davey Boy Smith, former WWE wrestler. And, man, he's BIG! He was also a face, working with a heel to take on a face team.

So, of course, after the match, J.D. Michaels started yelling at Harry, and Harry didn't want to take it anymore.

During the match, my favourite move is when my boss was thrown into the ropes, caught by his partner, who then Death Valley Drove Mark onto a prone J.D.

It was a good show (well, the three matches I saw), and the next night they'll be performing is mid-June, so you know I'm going to try to round up as many of my local wrestling friends as I can to come see it.

* * *

Blogger Spell Check of the Day: "Jasmine? You meant jazzmen, right?"

Book I Am Currently Reading: The Zero Game by Brad Meltzer. SUCH a good read.

What I Am Listening To: Sonic 102.9. They actually had a punk cover of Ring of Fire last night! HOW COOL IS THAT???