I am feeling very frustrated about it.
I know that I am a very social animal. I have a story or anecdote for eveyone. And I'm sorry if I tend to repeat myself. I tend to think that it's something that people are interested in, and if you happen to be with me when I'm telling a friend a story you've already heard, chances are, you'll hear it again.
So far, so good. Problem is, while I tend to feel that I pour my heart out or tell these stories, some of which are frighteningly candid, I don't have many friends who feel they can confide in me. In fact, I'm pretty sure I can count my confiding friends on one hand. Which is pretty disproportionate to the number of friends I confide in.
And I feel envious when I see friends of mine that DO have someone they can confide in. Because it's not me.
And because I want people to be candid with me. Sharing thoughts with me. Confiding in me. Because I do it to them.
Grrrr.... Frustration and envy: Two of the darker feelings I've been having constantly in the past while.
* * *
Speaking of frustrations, my job, now that Kiel will come back from vacation, will be a lot less stressful, because I'm back to having more than a day off a week. And dealing with Marilyn, the world's most unlearned employee (after seven fucking MONTHS!, new hires, and the city's least intelligent customer base do NOT make Jago happy.
I'll be so glad when Fringe is done and I can get a different job. Because I really want to leave this one.
* * *
Went to the exhibition this week. Had a great time with Astro, Marauder and his friend Lindsay. Even though I got a cold from the torrential downpour.
I certainly got my money's worth out of my ride pass, going on the Drop of Flair/Fear not once, but twice. Quite the difference from last year's excursion, where I went on against my will, but facing my fears.
Last year, I got to the top of the ride, and was freaked out. I am leery of heights, due to my flatland upbringing.
"Hey, wait a sec. I shouldn't be able to see fucking Leduc! This is horribly, horribly wrong. I want to get ofGAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! FUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuu..."
On the way down, my body decided to get as much surface contact with the ride as was humanly possible. So my legs, having a mind of their own, decided to curl under the chair. THIS, my brain realized was a very bad idea, because if the chair were to hit surface level, my legs would get there first. And I didn't want to have crushed legs.
So my brain and legs were fighting it out, and I was a slave to the gravitational pull. Once I got off the ride with D! and Marauder, the first thought I had was "God! Ground, I loves ya SO much." Which was then followed by "Oooh! Let's do that again!" I am SUCH a sado-masochist.
This time, with Astro, Marauder and Lindsay, it was Lindsay who was the newbie, Marauder and I having had our initiation last year. And Lindsay was having second thoughts.
"I dunno. Let's not do this one! I don't want to die."
Marauder: "Lindsay, you're not about to die. Besides, it's a near death experience that makes you embrace life all the more!"
Me: "Lindsay, it'll be okay. I, myself, have died twice on this ride."
[Lindsay glares at me.}
Me: "What? I got better!"
Lindsay: "I don't know about this..."
We sit in the chair, waiting for the restraints to come down. I'm on the outside seat.
The bar comes down. It doesn't lock for me. We try it again. It doesn't lock for me. I switch places with Astro to get in the middle. The bar finally locks. I, suddenly, for SOME reason, have doubts to my safety on this ride.
We travel up the long pole, Lindsay, freaking out, Marauder yelling out "Life! Life!" and me screaming for Lindsay's benefit (and mine as well) "For the love of God! Do not look down! Look straight ahead! You WILL come out alive!" and promptly join Marauder's "Life" chant.
The chair unlocks, we scream, we drop, we leave the ride.
"I want to go back up!" Lindsay yells.