Those of you who've spent a day at a mall with me have probably noticed my obsession with going into a toy store. Usually, I'm checking out Lego, but I'll take a gander at wrestling figures, action toys, Marvel super heroes, the whole bunch.

My question is, have toy makers always been pretty clueless, or has it really been a recent thing?

I came across a wave of Spider-Man action figures geared towards kids. I'm not sure if toy manufacturers are trying to get children into a "collect-em all" state, or if they've just lost all touch with reality as to the whole principle behind the character's mythos.

With this Spider-Man wave, it's all about Spider-Man in different costumes: Spider-Man as a policeman and "Deep Sea Exploring" Spidey, which contains a cute little doe-eyed dolphin. I let out an audible groan over that.

Don't even get me started on "Sea Serpent Venom"...

* * *

It's finally happened. I work for a manager younger than me. Jeff asked me how old he looked. I knew his wife was expecting soon, and so I said, as I thought, "I dunno. 26-27, I'd guess. About as old as me."

"Close," Jeff replied. "I'm 25."

"Ah," I said. And went back to cursing out the store for having cool Palm Pilots, discmans and general things I'd NEVER see at Bonnie Doon, because of the smaller volume.

Jeff's also getting used to my sense of humour:

After yesterday's district meeting, Mitch, my District Manager, was talking to Kiel about going to Cold Lake to put together a store. When Kiel asked what he should bring, Mitch said, "Yourself. And a change of clothes."

Of course, me being me, I sidled up to the counter and said, "Actually, Mitch'd prefer it if you forgot the change of clothes." I then went back to my tasks.

"Are you suggesting that I'm gay?" Mitch yelled at my back.

"Me? Of course not, Mitch! I know you've got a wife and two sons!"

So today, when Jeff was in a bay, remerchandising for the upcoming inventory, I went into the same bay to put some product away.

"I feel uncomfortable with you so close to my back, Kyle," Jeff said, jokingly.

"What? Is this because of what I told Mitch yesterday? Dude, I'm straight." I continued putting stock away. "Besides, I'd be gentle."

"Gaaaah!" Exit me, chortling...

* * *

I guess I should comment on the Apocalypse Kow benefit last week. Although it wasn't much of a fundraiser (We raised $100 for the SPCA. That can sponsor, I dunno, half a cat? Not sure which half, but I'm betting on the left one...), I think the entertainment was pretty good.

Let's face it, any performance where I can make Dev die laughing onstage is above par.

We were singing Jago-Man, my alternate lyrics to Spider-Man. Halfway through the piece, I usually have a bit of a rant while the guys vamp the background. Since it was a song about me, I decided to just be insane.

I turned my back to the audience, took a drink of water, walked to the front of the stage and yelled, "Jago-Man is the most seductive man EVER!" I then went back and drank more water calmly. Dev started to crack.

I ran back on stage and yelled, "All! Hail! Jago-Man! And all hail LordCo! (A reference to a tour running joke...)"

Dev lost it, and I jumped back in for the third verse of the song. If only I didn't go into autopilot and start back into the song with the original lyrics...

"Jago-Man's master plan, build his own little Spider-clan!"

At which point *I* started laughing my ass off...

So, as I keep on finding out, there's nothing funnier than a mock-angry, ranting Jago. Just because it never happens in real life...

No comments: