After thinking it over for a bit, I realized that I have to break the cycle. Start stripping away the layers of masks. MAKE myself more vulnerable. Become the child I was back in elementary. Or, at least, put some elements of little Kyle into the "adult" Jago. So, an explanation's in order. To get to be the way I want to be, need to be, I need to start from the beginning, and work my way from there...
It happened in Grade 6. I was an emotional kid. Small. Weak. And the Grade 8s, being the usual overly cruel kids that only preteens can be, made fun of me. I was the whipping boy. A story everyone's heard, and experienced at least once. For me, it happened for two years.
I have always been "The Writer." In high school, English was usually one of my easier classes. In university, after dropping out of the Faculty of Business, I took a year off. Decided what I wanted to do. I enrolled in Journalism.
When it comes to how I describe my writing style, I tend to use the word 'hack.' "I am a hack writer," I say. Maybe it's my joking way to refer the the point of why I'm not working at a paper, why I'm stuck at the Mall, selling electronics. The best way to hide my failures, my inadequacies, is to be flippant about them.
Words. I've always been able to play with words. Twist them, turn them. Make them fit like Tetris blocks. I can, given enough time, or on the fly, parody almost anything. Styles of writing. Change songs to be funny. Self-mocking poems, etcetera. If I don't beat people to the punch by coming up with the witty line, I've failed. They've triumphed over me. Grade 6 all over again.
So, after 4 years of high school, and 8 years since, I've got quite the wall of words. A tower, really. A Tower of Babel of words, reaching high up into the heavens, where Kyle Jago is safe from the spears and arrows people launch at him.
I have some friends I can tell almost anything to. The key word in that sentence is ALMOST. I am a very social animal. I always have to be hanging out with someone. I have a lot of friends. But of those friends, I can only really confide in about, I dunno...five per cent of them? Maybe less... To the rest, I'm Jago. Silly guy, fun to hang out with, but I keep my emotions close to me, like a poker hand that no one will see until it's time to read'em and weep, fellas!