2.28.2005

REALLY needing to update.

Transcript from the Kyle Jago Lecture Series: February 28, 2005

JAGO: Thank you all for coming. I'm please you could all make it here tonight. Shall we start? [ahem]

"Everyone On The Road Is An Idiot, Except for Me.

"Hi. You may not know me. You've probably seen me driving around, especially if you're driving on Calgary Trail or the Whitemud. You might know me as the guy who has the Ford Escort with the pink 'M' on the back.
"No, it's an 'M.'
"No, seriously. It's not a heart.
"Look, why would I have a pink heart on my car? I'm a 28-year-old guy.
"This is beside the point. Look, the point of my speech is to ask how the fuck you all got your licenses.
"Don't act so affronted. Let's face it. 1/3 of the people on the road can't drive properly. And I'm the one driving around while that 1/3 is on the roads of Edmonton.
"First off, if you look to the right hand side of the road, you might see a sign that's white with a big black number on it. It might say 60, it might say 80. This, you fuckwads, is what's referred to as the 'speed limit.'
"Now, the speed limit is there for a purpose. It tells you how fast you should be driving. If I'm going faster than the speed limit, just so I'm not getting hit by a car because of my meandering pace, and a car goes by me at 20 kph faster, there's something wrong.
"Now, if I'm on the Whitemud coming home with Kow from recording, say, and a car happens to be breaking the speed limit AND driving in a lane that hasn't existed for 250 metres to pass me, well that's where accidents happen. And that's where I kill you by thinking evil thoughts.
"So, if I'm actually following the speed limit, the proper thing to do is to stay a car length away from me, and not get so close that I'm blinded by your fucking SUV-level beams. Also, don't buy SUVs. They blind me.
"Summarizing point one, the speed limit is good. Making Jago blind is bad.
"Point two: Parking.
"When it comes to parking in a mall, there's a reason why there's yellow lines painted everywhere. They show you where to park. And if you park BETWEEN the lines, other cars can park in the adjacent designated parking spaces.
"Seriously, I drive a pretty small car. Smallest I've ever driven continuously. If I can't fit into a parking space because it's being halved by a fucker who can't park right, don't be surprised to find a key scratch on your door.
"Also, if you're parked in a handicapped space, you'd better have a disability. Besides your obvious mental one. AND if you're the guy I saw tonight, you'd better not peel out and rev your engine so loud. All you end up doing is make me hate you.
"In summary, I just want to say that everyone who isn't me or my friends (and sometimes, even that's debatable) are driving fuckwads.
"Any questions?
"No, it's not a heart. I told you that already.
"Why was I driving down the wrong side of the street on Argyll where it joins up with 75th Street? THIS QUESTION PERIOD IS CLOSED!"

* * *

Can someone please explain to me how Steve Carrell did not receive a Best Supporting Oscar for his portrayal of Brick Tamland?

Also, I'm glad Jamie Foxx won for Ray. He was amazing in that film.

* * *

So, Kow did record over the weekend. It was fun. We got eight songs in the can, and we were actually pretty pleased with how we sounded.

Barber's dad's the one who was acting as our producer, and we rented him a digital mixing board.

We had fun, and it wasn't at all demoralizing (like our last two sessions). We had one or two moments where we knew we had something special going on. Especially when we laid down Uniform Grey.

Mr. Barber: "Now THAT sounded professional. The most professional you guys have ever sounded."

So, we'll be going back into the church/studio on Sunday. Hopefully, if we did as well as Saturday, we'll have the CD out this spring/summer.

* * *

Still no party for Jago. I think the second weekend in March might just do it, though. BOWLING! WHOOOOOOOO!!!!

Seriously, I want to go bowling.

* * *

So many web cartoonists are getting involved in the 2nd Daily Grind. The first Daily Grind involved some cartoonists from the Failure boards I frequent. Four guys decided to put some money on the line to see who could maintain a five strip a week quota. Ed Brisson lasted just under a year to win the $80 that time.

Now, 32 artists have joined the fray, hoping to take home $640US. With competition like PVP's Scott Kurtz, some of these guys have a lot to gain by sticking with a daily comic.

I'm looking forward to reading a few of these artists' offerings. Some, I could care less about.

* * *

I won't go too indepth into my work frustrations right now. Needless to say, we're still understaffed, so I'm looking at some crazy ass shifts to cover the store being open.

Please, let us find a new employee. Very soon.

* * *

I'll tell you about Astro's concert later on, although it's pretty old news. It involved seeing a friend from high school who I haven't seen in eight years, so that reunion was pretty fun.

* * *

I'm tired, I'm hanging out with my mom and sister tomorrow, and Tiger Woods is calling my name.

I swear I'll post quicker next time.

4 comments:

Axler said...

I know exactly what you mean Jago. It fills me with a special hate that I reserve just for bad drivers and people who talk in the theater. Its intense and burning begging to be unleashed upon the rampantly stupid humans who steal my oxygen and bring down the collective intelligence.

m said...

hey jago, you think the whitemud's bad? you should come drive in vancouver for a while. what? you're scared? awwwww... come on, i dare you!

Jago said...

Funny thing is, when it came to Moose Jaw driving, I wasn't that great. The Driver's Ed instructor would scream whenever a Jago after me would come into his class. I had four accidents, two involving parked cars.

When I made a trip to Edmonton to apply for Grant McEwan with my friend Kaz, I was in the zone. And Kaz was trying his hardest to fight down the normal impulses he got while driving with me.

Maybe I've just become a more confident driver than I was as a teen. I'm not always second guessing myself like I used to.

I'll take you up on the Vancouver driving challenge, Mel.

I'm planning to come up with Canton sometime in June.

Silly Dan said...

Couldn't care less about! Couldn't!

Sincerely,
Some Pedantic Goof in Illinois who Frenchy says drives too slow.