Jago's Mini Cultural Tour of Victoria

As any of you who've been on a choir tour with Dev and I in the past three years, we love privately owned businesses.

Especially those that have really, really bad names.

So punny that they make you groan, or ones that make absolutely no sense.

Here in Victoria, I've found two that've caught my eye.

First of all, there was Amos and Andes, an importer of foreign made goods. That gave me a chuckle.

Then came the one that horrified me to no end.

Worse than She-Mann's Hair Care.

Okay: What comes to mind when I say the word "maternity?"

Now, whatever that word is, I'm sure brings a lot better connotations than (get ready for it):

Clownin' Around Maternity

No, seriously. What the hell was the owner thinking?

Pregnant women, in my experience, have enough trouble with self-esteem. Why must you make your store sound like it's frequented by fat, scary clowns?

What kind of complex are you trying to give women here???

I dunno, Dev. Mentality-wise, it's a lot worse than Ready, Set, Baby! or Flowers by Murray. (Moose Jaw and Saskatoon, respectively)

* * *

Went to a bar, Legends, after I got off the plane last night. Well, after I came to the house and dropped off my stuff and posted.

This was where the bachelor and bachelorette parties were supposed to meet up at 10 pm.

I got there, and couldn't find anyone I knew. Granted, I last saw Kingston four years ago, met his fiancee once at that same occasion, and had no clue about anyone else in the wedding party.

So I'd be stalking the bar, looking around for Kingston. After three attempts, I thought, "Wait a minute. There's, like, no one my age here, it's full of young nineteen-year-olds in their most scantily-clad finest. And I'm looking around the bar, wearing a rainjacket and baseball cap. I look like a stalker. Or one of those creepy old guys. (Of which this bar had two that I saw...)"

So I ordered a drink, and started asking staff if they knew of a bachelor party that had hit this nightclub yet.

A half hour later, Kingston's mom comes in the door. Who I immediately recognize and rush to.

Man, I love BC's non-smoking policy when it comes to nightclubs. At least I didn't have to worry about the smell of my clothes when I came back.

Kingston never made it to Legends. Apparently, he was pretty screwed up at 10 pm, and Chris, his best man, took him home.

So I get to the house with Jen, Kingston's fiancee, at about 12:30. Where we found Kingston passed out on the couch.

We decided to make sure he was all right before going to bed. 45 minutes later, he awoke, looking for the bathroom. Jen and her father were trying to drag Kingston.

He was pretty belligerent, shouting at them. Once I called out to him, he brightened up, as only really drunk people do.

"Kyle! My oldest friend is here!"

"Yup. Need some help from the bathroom?"

So I was soaxing him to drink a load of water and eat some soda crackers before he passed out for the night. And made sure to give him a bucket. And hold his hair back.

Because that's what love is all about. Holding someone's hair back when they vomit.

Today, when Kingston woke up, he found out I was there by a note with my handwriting on it on the coffee table. Apparently, his heart stuck in his throat when he saw that. Because he had no recollection of that late in the night.

Tomorrow: wedding. Looking forward to it...

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