3.14.2007
Streaming Kow!
Looks like Barber Senior was able to upload some Apocalypse Kow videos from last year's Canada Day celebrations. Enjoy.
An Open Letter to That Jackass On 170 St.
Hi, remember me? That guy driving in front of you that you decided to honk at seven times to try to make me drive faster?
What the hell's your deal, idiot? If I'm driving the speed limit, there's no freakin' reason that you should try to rush me on the Whitemud onramp. Fifty's fine considering we're just getting out of winter weather, and everything's strating to thaw out but isn't quite done dry yet.
Ever take science in high school, braintrust? Negative Celsius temperatures make for icy roads./ Trust me on this, I almost skidded out on the Fox Drive cloverleaf the night before. So for you to be honking at me in these conditions aren't going to do shit to make me go any faster.
Geez, you're still doing it? What kind of loser are you? Have you noticed I'm driving a Ford Escort? You are aware they're wimpy cars, right? A small engine, no acceleration? What makes you think I'm going to boot it right out of the gate? Eighty's the limit on the freeway, not the onramp. What the hell kind of idiot are you? Sure, keep on honking. I'm still accelerating at my Escort speed, not your penis enhancement. That's right. Ride my bumper. I'd have given you the finger, but I'm pretty sure you'd take it the right way.
Oh, hey, passing me's an option, isn't it? Too bad the other cars are going the exact same speed as me. Sucks to be you, doesn't it?
Bite me.
Sincerely, Jago
* * *
Seriously? December 16th? Wow. I mean, I know that Christmas was insane for me, but I had a week vacation where I could have been posting and everything. Oh, right. E-wrestling.
I don't want whatever readers that still have hope that I post promptly to feel bad about this, but remember how this blog was a good way for me to keep my writing chops honed? Well, I've got the NAPW for that now. Because I'm usually posting a good two or three times a week, with more writing thrown in for good measure. I'm not closing down this blog, because, hey, it's still a good way to vent. And I understand how you want more content from me. Like how are my concerts doing? Well, they're good. I enjoy them immensely. How's Kow doing? If we're getting gigs every month and going to places like Millet to perform, I'm thinking we're on the path to more success, so that's good. Vidoe Games Live? That was awesome. Thanks for asking. How's the job? The job is the job. Annoyances everywhere, to the point where I'm afraid they'd just get repetitive story-wise.
How's the e-wrestling? Super-fun with the new direction my wrestler, Kyle Roberts, took. He turned on Bruce Richards, Devin's wrestler, for a singles career, and man it's fun being an absolute jerk. The New and Improved D-X is dead, but we had a hell of a ride. Five time tag champs. Other trophies from other feds. D-X hardly did wrong, but it was time to change it up a bit, and this new storyline has certainly done that.
How's the love life? NO FURTHER QUESTIONS!
It's cool, just hang out here, relax, and let's cross our fingers that I return soon.
What the hell's your deal, idiot? If I'm driving the speed limit, there's no freakin' reason that you should try to rush me on the Whitemud onramp. Fifty's fine considering we're just getting out of winter weather, and everything's strating to thaw out but isn't quite done dry yet.
Ever take science in high school, braintrust? Negative Celsius temperatures make for icy roads./ Trust me on this, I almost skidded out on the Fox Drive cloverleaf the night before. So for you to be honking at me in these conditions aren't going to do shit to make me go any faster.
Geez, you're still doing it? What kind of loser are you? Have you noticed I'm driving a Ford Escort? You are aware they're wimpy cars, right? A small engine, no acceleration? What makes you think I'm going to boot it right out of the gate? Eighty's the limit on the freeway, not the onramp. What the hell kind of idiot are you? Sure, keep on honking. I'm still accelerating at my Escort speed, not your penis enhancement. That's right. Ride my bumper. I'd have given you the finger, but I'm pretty sure you'd take it the right way.
Oh, hey, passing me's an option, isn't it? Too bad the other cars are going the exact same speed as me. Sucks to be you, doesn't it?
Bite me.
Sincerely, Jago
* * *
Seriously? December 16th? Wow. I mean, I know that Christmas was insane for me, but I had a week vacation where I could have been posting and everything. Oh, right. E-wrestling.
I don't want whatever readers that still have hope that I post promptly to feel bad about this, but remember how this blog was a good way for me to keep my writing chops honed? Well, I've got the NAPW for that now. Because I'm usually posting a good two or three times a week, with more writing thrown in for good measure. I'm not closing down this blog, because, hey, it's still a good way to vent. And I understand how you want more content from me. Like how are my concerts doing? Well, they're good. I enjoy them immensely. How's Kow doing? If we're getting gigs every month and going to places like Millet to perform, I'm thinking we're on the path to more success, so that's good. Vidoe Games Live? That was awesome. Thanks for asking. How's the job? The job is the job. Annoyances everywhere, to the point where I'm afraid they'd just get repetitive story-wise.
How's the e-wrestling? Super-fun with the new direction my wrestler, Kyle Roberts, took. He turned on Bruce Richards, Devin's wrestler, for a singles career, and man it's fun being an absolute jerk. The New and Improved D-X is dead, but we had a hell of a ride. Five time tag champs. Other trophies from other feds. D-X hardly did wrong, but it was time to change it up a bit, and this new storyline has certainly done that.
How's the love life? NO FURTHER QUESTIONS!
It's cool, just hang out here, relax, and let's cross our fingers that I return soon.
12.26.2006
An Open Letter to West Edmonton Mall Patrons
Um, hi. How the hell did you get in the store? We're closed. We have been since six.
Yes, we're closed. What, you think that the two inches that the door is open means that we're ready and willing to serve you? Having a closed door isn't enough a deterrent for you? Seriously, are all you WEM patrons that fucking stupid where a closed door simply means open it and walk right in to the furrowed glares of employees? No, I could care less. My frown and repeated statement "We're closed!" doesn't faze you? Seriously, are you that retarded? What, the first three times I shouted it don't clue you in?
Why are you approaching the counter? After all that, you're still expecting me to help? It's an hour past when the store closed! Why the hell would I help you? I could care less about your cell phone not working to call overseas. PayGos don't DO that! So it's MY fault you don't understand how a calling card works? Please, I just want to go home. I've been here since 8 am. That's right, the tills are closed. I'm trying to get home. So's my manager. You're leaving? Thank you.
No! We're closed! Don't shove your head in the door, and ask! I told you three times! Yes, we open at ten tomorrow. Yes, those sales will still be on tomorrow. But not tonight. I'm not going to ring anything in for you, and I'm CERTAINLY not going to help you out of the goodness of my heart. Dude, even if you came in earlier, I still wouldn't want to help you. I stopped wanting to help people today before we opened the store. Because I'm still trying to remember my happy Christmas day off yesterday. No, "we're closed" does not mean, "ask me one question." Fuck. Fine. What's your fucking question?
No, you're kidding me. Asking me "How fast do these cars go" is not one question. Why not? Because that stack of cars includes fifteen different models. It's seven o'clock, I'm not going to answer that. Come in when we're actually fucking open. No. We closed an hour ago. Now, just leave, will you?
Fuck! Why the fuck are you in the store? No, the only reason the door was open a foot was because this lamenuts opened the door. I'm not helping him, why the fuck should I help you? We. Are. Closed. No. I will not ring up one item for you. Leave. Tell you what, if you're so stupid to think a closed door is a good invitation, let's shove this computer cart in front of it. Why the hell are you going around my barricade? The fuck? What the fuck are all you shitheads thinking?
Sincerely,
Jago
Yes, we're closed. What, you think that the two inches that the door is open means that we're ready and willing to serve you? Having a closed door isn't enough a deterrent for you? Seriously, are all you WEM patrons that fucking stupid where a closed door simply means open it and walk right in to the furrowed glares of employees? No, I could care less. My frown and repeated statement "We're closed!" doesn't faze you? Seriously, are you that retarded? What, the first three times I shouted it don't clue you in?
Why are you approaching the counter? After all that, you're still expecting me to help? It's an hour past when the store closed! Why the hell would I help you? I could care less about your cell phone not working to call overseas. PayGos don't DO that! So it's MY fault you don't understand how a calling card works? Please, I just want to go home. I've been here since 8 am. That's right, the tills are closed. I'm trying to get home. So's my manager. You're leaving? Thank you.
No! We're closed! Don't shove your head in the door, and ask! I told you three times! Yes, we open at ten tomorrow. Yes, those sales will still be on tomorrow. But not tonight. I'm not going to ring anything in for you, and I'm CERTAINLY not going to help you out of the goodness of my heart. Dude, even if you came in earlier, I still wouldn't want to help you. I stopped wanting to help people today before we opened the store. Because I'm still trying to remember my happy Christmas day off yesterday. No, "we're closed" does not mean, "ask me one question." Fuck. Fine. What's your fucking question?
No, you're kidding me. Asking me "How fast do these cars go" is not one question. Why not? Because that stack of cars includes fifteen different models. It's seven o'clock, I'm not going to answer that. Come in when we're actually fucking open. No. We closed an hour ago. Now, just leave, will you?
Fuck! Why the fuck are you in the store? No, the only reason the door was open a foot was because this lamenuts opened the door. I'm not helping him, why the fuck should I help you? We. Are. Closed. No. I will not ring up one item for you. Leave. Tell you what, if you're so stupid to think a closed door is a good invitation, let's shove this computer cart in front of it. Why the hell are you going around my barricade? The fuck? What the fuck are all you shitheads thinking?
Sincerely,
Jago
12.22.2006
Burnt out
So my store is making record sales this year. L doesn't think we've ever done $30k in sales in one day before and this month, we've done it twice.
So that's good.
Unfortunately, we're doing it while being at least two people understaffed.
That's bad.
I'm pulling more than 52 hours a week at the store. One day off a week. And the other days? Well, there's at least one twelve-hour shift in there. Today I left the store at 11 pm.
I almost had a breakdown while closing tonight. And I'm not exaggerating here. I was counting the $11,000 in cash we made, and my thumb started becoming numb at the hundredth twenty-dollar bill. And I started chuckling because my thumb was cramping up from counting past one hundred bills. It was too funny, and it was all I could do to keep from breaking down crying because I'm so fucking burnt out now, it's pathetic.
My family will be hitting Calgary after Christmas. So there'll be a belated Christmas for the Dokken side of the family, and the first time I'll be able to see Dad since he got his new kidney. And I'm not sure if I'll be able to go after all. Because I don't think I'll be able to get the two days off I'd like. I don't think I'll be able to get two days off period. And one day to drive to Calgary, visit the family, exchange gifts and drive back the same day? No fucking way.
I need to sleep. Or try to keep my mind off of it by playing some sweet, sweet Zelda. Just needed to rant.
So that's good.
Unfortunately, we're doing it while being at least two people understaffed.
That's bad.
I'm pulling more than 52 hours a week at the store. One day off a week. And the other days? Well, there's at least one twelve-hour shift in there. Today I left the store at 11 pm.
I almost had a breakdown while closing tonight. And I'm not exaggerating here. I was counting the $11,000 in cash we made, and my thumb started becoming numb at the hundredth twenty-dollar bill. And I started chuckling because my thumb was cramping up from counting past one hundred bills. It was too funny, and it was all I could do to keep from breaking down crying because I'm so fucking burnt out now, it's pathetic.
My family will be hitting Calgary after Christmas. So there'll be a belated Christmas for the Dokken side of the family, and the first time I'll be able to see Dad since he got his new kidney. And I'm not sure if I'll be able to go after all. Because I don't think I'll be able to get the two days off I'd like. I don't think I'll be able to get two days off period. And one day to drive to Calgary, visit the family, exchange gifts and drive back the same day? No fucking way.
I need to sleep. Or try to keep my mind off of it by playing some sweet, sweet Zelda. Just needed to rant.
12.14.2006
This Is A Test
Now, I just bought myself a spiffy new digicam, which should make for Kyle having more fun posting again.
Tonight, Kow went to Barber's house to decorate gingerbread houses for our Kristmas Kabaret. We'll be auctioning off the houses for the Kidney Foundation, and to make things fun, let's make it a bit of a contest on my blog, shall we?
All you have to do is guess which member of Kow made which house, okay?
Here are the houses.
Tonight, Kow went to Barber's house to decorate gingerbread houses for our Kristmas Kabaret. We'll be auctioning off the houses for the Kidney Foundation, and to make things fun, let's make it a bit of a contest on my blog, shall we?
All you have to do is guess which member of Kow made which house, okay?
Here are the houses.
12.10.2006
Excuses
52 hours of work per week.
Concerts, concerts, concerts!
My days and nights off go towards concert or rehearsals for concerts.
Zelda and all things Wii-related.
Writing wrestling promos.
Corner Gas Season 3.
Comic books.
My last day off was yesterday, where I performed in two concerts for Oran. The last day off before that? Two weeks ago Sunday, where I was out of town with Oran for a weekend-long retreat.
These are a few of the excuses I use for not updating my blog as much as I could. Yes, they're excuses. I hate not updating if only for the simple fact that my stories get backlogged, and I don't feel up to making monster posts to explain everything that's been happening to me.
At least, not until I get out of the Christmas Hell that is WEM during December. And maybe not even then.
But for now? Story.
For the past two years, my dad has had kidney problems. And I mean "dialysis thrice a week" problems. So he was on a transplant list.
Members of our family offered to donate a kidney. My Aunt Kim tried the tests, but was rejected. Mom was next, and was in the midst of tests when I decided I'd be a live donor for Dad.
Those of my friends I told said I was brave, but it was no biggie. It's my dad we're talking about. Although when I did some tests in July, I was unnerved to see thirteen vials awaiting my blood lined up on the counter.
After that? Nothing. Not a peep for two months. But when Mom called to see what the deal was, I apparently was the best live donor we had. So, yeah, I took the plunge. More tests.
But first, a phone call from the Live Donor Program from University Hospital. "Do you have life insurance? Get some. Do you have a family doctor? Get one."
Okay, NOW I was getting scared. Although I realized that the family doc was for checkups after the fact, and they recommended I get the insurance because if I applied with only one kidney, my premiums would be huge.
But so I booked an appointment with a doctor, and looked into insurance. Two months ago, I got a call from my sister.
"Dad found a kidney."
"Yeah? It wasn't mine, then."
"No, he's going into surgery tonight." When Saskatchewan finds recently deceased kidneys, you're got a half hour to decide whether you want it or not. Dad took it, and drove to Saskatoon.
So, the kidney transplant was successful, Dad's recovering and is able to go back to his regular diet. ("I can have butter on my popcorn again? Joy!") And I'm still with two kidneys.
My ego was a bit disappointed, though. I couldn't be a hero if I wasn't donating to my dad. And I certainly couldn't take disability leave for two months to recuperate from surgery. And where would be my nonchalant "Yeah, I donated a kidney to my dad" to woo the ladies?
Although I'm no longer a donor for my dad, Apocalypse Kow will be donating money from our Kristmas Kabaret this Friday to the Kidney Foundation of Canada. (Whoo! Master of segues!)
There's the poster, designed by our own Mr. Woo. (Click to enlarge.) You might see these as you walk down Whyte Ave. this week.
But, yeah, come one, come all! It'll be fun! And Jago's got a voice! (knocks wood)
Concerts, concerts, concerts!
My days and nights off go towards concert or rehearsals for concerts.
Zelda and all things Wii-related.
Writing wrestling promos.
Corner Gas Season 3.
Comic books.
My last day off was yesterday, where I performed in two concerts for Oran. The last day off before that? Two weeks ago Sunday, where I was out of town with Oran for a weekend-long retreat.
These are a few of the excuses I use for not updating my blog as much as I could. Yes, they're excuses. I hate not updating if only for the simple fact that my stories get backlogged, and I don't feel up to making monster posts to explain everything that's been happening to me.
At least, not until I get out of the Christmas Hell that is WEM during December. And maybe not even then.
But for now? Story.
For the past two years, my dad has had kidney problems. And I mean "dialysis thrice a week" problems. So he was on a transplant list.
Members of our family offered to donate a kidney. My Aunt Kim tried the tests, but was rejected. Mom was next, and was in the midst of tests when I decided I'd be a live donor for Dad.
Those of my friends I told said I was brave, but it was no biggie. It's my dad we're talking about. Although when I did some tests in July, I was unnerved to see thirteen vials awaiting my blood lined up on the counter.
After that? Nothing. Not a peep for two months. But when Mom called to see what the deal was, I apparently was the best live donor we had. So, yeah, I took the plunge. More tests.
But first, a phone call from the Live Donor Program from University Hospital. "Do you have life insurance? Get some. Do you have a family doctor? Get one."
Okay, NOW I was getting scared. Although I realized that the family doc was for checkups after the fact, and they recommended I get the insurance because if I applied with only one kidney, my premiums would be huge.
But so I booked an appointment with a doctor, and looked into insurance. Two months ago, I got a call from my sister.
"Dad found a kidney."
"Yeah? It wasn't mine, then."
"No, he's going into surgery tonight." When Saskatchewan finds recently deceased kidneys, you're got a half hour to decide whether you want it or not. Dad took it, and drove to Saskatoon.
So, the kidney transplant was successful, Dad's recovering and is able to go back to his regular diet. ("I can have butter on my popcorn again? Joy!") And I'm still with two kidneys.
My ego was a bit disappointed, though. I couldn't be a hero if I wasn't donating to my dad. And I certainly couldn't take disability leave for two months to recuperate from surgery. And where would be my nonchalant "Yeah, I donated a kidney to my dad" to woo the ladies?
Although I'm no longer a donor for my dad, Apocalypse Kow will be donating money from our Kristmas Kabaret this Friday to the Kidney Foundation of Canada. (Whoo! Master of segues!)
There's the poster, designed by our own Mr. Woo. (Click to enlarge.) You might see these as you walk down Whyte Ave. this week.
But, yeah, come one, come all! It'll be fun! And Jago's got a voice! (knocks wood)
11.15.2006
Concert Announcements
Okay, I'm sorry for neglecting this blog yet again. In a day or two, I will actually write up two stories, the story of my stolen car and the story of my undonated kidney. But right now, as I've got to hit work soon, I'll just tell you about the concerts that Kow and Òran have coming up in the near future.
Thursday, November 23:
Both Kow and Òran will be singing at this one, a fundraiser held at the Winspear. Tickets are $25, but the money goes to a good cause. Tickets available through the Winspear.
http://www.pilgrimshospice.ca/ for the full rundown.
Tuesday, November 21:
Òran/Kokopelli's got their Dessert Concert, also held at the Winspear. Oran will be singing a few songs here, and it's some good stuff.
6:00 PM, Winspear Centre Lobby (9720 102 Ave.)
Tickets $18 Adults, $15 Students/Seniors available through Tix on the Square 420-1757.
The main fundraising event of the season for Kokopelli and Òran, this promises to be a fun evening in an elegant venue as we kick start fund-raising for our summer tour to Southern Africa.
Saturday, December 9:
WINTERSONG
2:00 PM & 7:00 PM, McDougall United Church (10025 101 St.)
Tickets available through Tix on the Square www.tixonthesquare.com or 420-1757.
After a two-year hiatus from presenting our own holiday season concert, Kokopelli and Òran are excited to bring you a program of music of the season both traditional and new, with special instrumental guests from the community.
It's our full lineup, a bigger concert than what you'd hear at the Dessert Concert.
And, of course,
Friday, December 15:
The Fifth Annual Apocalypse Kow Kristmas Kabaret!
We found a venue (The Cosmopolitan Music Society - 8426 Gateway Blvd.), we've got a time (7:00 pm), and we've got some guests all lined up to entertain you.
Tickets are $10 with a food bank donation ($11 without), and part of the proceeds will be going to the Kidney Foundation of Canada. Tickets available through any Kow member.
And with that, I shower!
Thursday, November 23:
VOICES FOR HOSPICES 2006
A BENEFIT CONCERT EVENT IN AID OF HOSPICE & PALLIATIVE CARE
Both Kow and Òran will be singing at this one, a fundraiser held at the Winspear. Tickets are $25, but the money goes to a good cause. Tickets available through the Winspear.
http://www.pilgrimshospice.ca/ for the full rundown.
Tuesday, November 21:
Òran/Kokopelli's got their Dessert Concert, also held at the Winspear. Oran will be singing a few songs here, and it's some good stuff.
6:00 PM, Winspear Centre Lobby (9720 102 Ave.)
Tickets $18 Adults, $15 Students/Seniors available through Tix on the Square 420-1757.
The main fundraising event of the season for Kokopelli and Òran, this promises to be a fun evening in an elegant venue as we kick start fund-raising for our summer tour to Southern Africa.
Saturday, December 9:
WINTERSONG
2:00 PM & 7:00 PM, McDougall United Church (10025 101 St.)
Tickets available through Tix on the Square www.tixonthesquare.com or 420-1757.
After a two-year hiatus from presenting our own holiday season concert, Kokopelli and Òran are excited to bring you a program of music of the season both traditional and new, with special instrumental guests from the community.
It's our full lineup, a bigger concert than what you'd hear at the Dessert Concert.
And, of course,
Friday, December 15:
The Fifth Annual Apocalypse Kow Kristmas Kabaret!
We found a venue (The Cosmopolitan Music Society - 8426 Gateway Blvd.), we've got a time (7:00 pm), and we've got some guests all lined up to entertain you.
Tickets are $10 with a food bank donation ($11 without), and part of the proceeds will be going to the Kidney Foundation of Canada. Tickets available through any Kow member.
And with that, I shower!
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