Odd Transformations 12: Dream Dev Is An Idiot

So for some reason, I was at my parents' house. I guess I lived there with Dev and Axler, since we were all there.

I was in the kitchen, and I hear Dev come in shouting something.

I go into the living room, and Dev is telling me about his new job as a courier.

"They give me a snack allowance! I spent $100 on this!"

He reveals a tub of McDonalds Chocolate Chip Cookies, of which he has eaten quite a lot.

Apparently, he had been eating these cookies for a while, because his goatee seemed a lot fuller by the amount of chocolate he's inadvertantly smeared on it.

I die laughing, and take him to a bathroom mirror.

And that's when I woke up.

Sorry, no time for a big post now. I'm needing to get ready for work.

An open letter to my boss

This is what I just wrote to my boss, who, because I was late today, sent me home from work:

Deryk,

I've had a lot of time to think about what happened on the bus going back today.

First of all, I'm sorry. I should have checked the time sheet, and I should have checked the schedule. At the very least, I should have called.

Secondly, I'd like to tell you a story.

Before I worked for RadioShack, I was working at a newspaper in Redwater. It was probably one of my lower career points, and it was certainly one of my lowest mental states.

The reason for this was I had absolutely no contact with my editor. I'd go out, write up my stories, make them ready for print, and then leave. There was NO communication between us.

Now, you'd think, "That's strange. You'd think at a paper there should be some form of communication going on." It was pretty ironic, but also very depressing.

One day at the paper, I came in for find that all my stories that I worked on the days before had huge flags on them. Something was wrong with these stories, and my editor had only decided to call me on them the day they were going to press.

I'd flip through the articles, with this overwhelming sense of horror. I couldn't fix these stories, since it was a Saturday, and none of the sources I was talking to would be in the office at all.

When I tried to talk to my manager about this, he yelled at me, saying he had nothing for articles, and what the hell was he going to do? All because of his "fucking reporter."

I quit three days later.

Now, Deryk, I'm not saying I'm quitting this job. Quite the opposite. I'm going to make sure I'm there on time tomorrow, bus schedules be damned.

My point is this: I'm not getting any communication from you. And I'm getting very depressed because every time I screw up, you're there being disappointed with me.

And sometimes, I have no clue why.

Now, ERO is a great tool for keeping track of stuff, but honestly, I won't get anything out of it if you don't talk to me. If you just decide to send me messages that might not get checked pronto, I will miss things.

Looking over my messages, I see no mention of a meeting scheduled for 9 am. Yes, the work schedule said to be there at that time, and it was my fauly for not picking up on it.

However, I'm thinking of the past month's Saturday shifts I worked.

Three weeks ago, I showed up at 9 am. And nobody was there. You didn't show up until 9:30.

Two weeks ago, I showed up at 9:30, because you said there wouldn't be a meeting. I got there and nobody was in the store. You showed up ten minutes later with your coffee.

Last week, I had the day off. No problems.

If you had just said when I was leaving yesterday, "Hey, Kyle! Don't forget! Big meeting at 9 tomorrow," I would have said, "Cool. See you then!"

Deryk, I'm just asking, I'm PLEADING: Please, just talk to me. Tell me of important things.

If you're there tomorrow morning, I'll see you at 10 am. If not, have a good day off.

K.

* * *

What the hell has happened to the Corrs?

When did they say, "Let's give up all originality, and just become a Fleetwood Mac tribute band?"

I seem to have missed the memo.

For the record, covering one song by a band is fine. Covering two songs by the same band, okay, you'd best better stop there...

How many Fleetwood songs have they done, now? Four, seventeen?

Please, I'm begging you, Corrs, just sing your own songs! They're good enough!

* * *

Congratulations to Astro on a kickass concert last night. It's been a while since I've heard vocal jazz, and that was certainly a good concert to see. Barber, Dev, and a few other friends went to see it.

I know I enjoyed myself enough, even though my choir's version of Birdland is the one I'll always remember, so therefore, it was better.

And, man, those choirs are pretty tight!

* * *

There, Frenchman! You happy now?

Odd Transformations 11

So all this Buffy watching I'm doing lately certainly has added up to a weird dream this morning.

I was hanging out with K-Dell, who had recently gone to a small town called Rattlesnake for a gig, along with some other friends.

They went for a weekend, playing at some club in this town. K-Dell was telling me all about the time he had.

Apparently, Seth Green (Oz) and Nicolas Brendan (Xander) were both part of the band.

Now I'm not sure if they were in the roles of the actors themselves in my dream, or playing their Buffy counterparts. It might have been the show band Dingos Ate My Baby, with some of my friends thrown in for good measure, or the two actors might have joined a band featuring my friends.

In any case, they had taped the concert, so I was watching it, marveling over the fact that I didn't know Nicolas could sing so well.

The really weird thing was the repertoire they were singing: Show tunes and vocal jazz were in the mix. I can't remember if they were singing them as a rock band, or if they were doing them straight, but I do remember hearing "Good Ol' Reliable Nathan" from Guys and Dolls, and "South of the Border," a vocal jazz song I did back in high school.

And this bar in Rattlesnake, which looked more like my camp's rec hall, with long tables and a few couches, didn't really have much of a crowd, other than some friends hanging around on the couches along with the band.

A very low-key affair.

* * *

So I've been turning on the Stanley Cup Playoffs in the store, and it's always the Calgary games I'm tuning in to.

The funniest thing about the playoffs is the player named Jordan Leopold.

Every time I hear his name being announced, I automatically think of that Bugs Bunny cartoon featuring the opera singer that Bugs conducts.

Because Bugs plays the part of the conductor Leopold, who's announced by the mutterings of the orchestra who's shocked to see him.

"Leopold! Leopold? Leopold! Leopold!"

* * *

Whatever happened to Dayna Manning?

About five years ago, she was everywhere, with her Canadian debut album, featuring the song "Half the Man."

Now? Disappeared, I guess. Either that, or playing a lot of low key events.

I was listening to "Half the Man" on the Starchoice feed at work, and just went, "Yeah, I remember this song. I like this song."

So where has she gone?

Attack of the Nerd!

Okay, I realized whose car that was last night, if only for the fact that they were waking me up at 4:30 AM saying goodbye to whoever lives in the apartment complex and decided to let them have my spot.

Grrr...

* * *

I'll go on the record and admit it: I am a geek. I hang out with geeks. We do geek things.

Roleplay, watch wrestling, play cards, watch DVDs of television seasons, etc.

I am friends with geeky people.

BUT! At least the guys I hang out with and I are social enough. While I wouldn't say we hide our geekish tendencies (hell, I'd say we tend to flaunt them), we were accepted for who we are and have friends from all different walks of life.

Still, nerds freak me the hell out.

I had one kid who must have been about, I dunno. 19 or so, who came into the store today and started asking me about games.

Nerd: "Do you sell Gamecube games?"

Me: "No. We just sell PS2 and Game Boy games."

Nerd: "So why do you have Nintendo racks, then?"

Me: "For my Game Boy games."

Nerd: "What was in the empty ones?"

Me: "I dunno. They change from month to month. We put whatever game we get in stock in the cabinet. And then we sell out of some."

It went on fro a while from there, with him asking me about the sales of Donkey Kong Country, and other stuff I had no clue about.

He FINALLY leaves, and I just roll my eyes at Deryk.

The nerd comes back about 15 minutes later.

Nerd: "So do you play games a lot?"

Me (just trying to get him out of the store): "No, not really."

Nerd: "Here's a question for you. Who's tougher: Wario or Bowser?"

I couldn't BELIEVE I was hearing this. And I REALLY didn't want to get in a debate about such a stupid context with a guy I could care less about. (Although I'd definitely do it with friends. Answer: Bowser. In one punch.)

I mumbled something about not being able to answer that, since I was busy, and he finally got the clue.

Yipes. I get some strange guys in the store.

As I was telling Crazy Eight when she came in for a visit, that was a reason I could never work at a gaming store.

* * *

Hey, I just came back from doing some voice work for the ESC show tomorrow.

I was playing the part of a child who's brainwashed by German expressionists for some taped lines.

So, since I'm now involved, anyone's free to come join Dev and I to watch the ESC's show tomorrow.

8 pm Friday and Saturday. 11516 103 St (a block south of NAIT. Two blocks northeast of Kingsway Mall). $5.

It'll be fun, and not at all an inappropriate venue, like the Kow Christmas Cabaret. This time, it's not Christmas time, so any sacrilege they do is for fun.

Whoo! I gots me a car!

Guys, it's SO cool!

I got a coupe! It's got one rad metal spoiler and decals from audio installers on it! I'm not sure what colour it is yet, since I've only seen it in the nighttime.

I think it's a midnight blue.

But anyways, I now own a car!

At least, I'm assuming so. There's not really any other reason why said car is IN MY PARKING SPACE!

* * *

So I'm being driven to drink at work. Well, okay, it's not THAT bad, but I'm really missing having two days off.

For those of you not in the know, assistant managers in my company are supposed to work 44 hours a week.

When I was working at Bonnie Doon, I just added an hour to all my evening shifts, which usually did the trick.

At WEM, under my boss Deryk, I get to work an extra half day! WHOOOOO!

I mean, hey, why should I get a full day off? I mean, what's with that? Two days off a week is for pussies!

While I'm ranting, is it too much to ask for Wednesday eves off, so I can rehearse with Kow? Hell, it's not like I'm doing the old choir routine, where I had to take Saturdays off as well as Wednesday evenings.

Am I being a hardass by asking for a four hour block off, especially when I seem to be working every other day anyways?

Grrr...

* * *

Just so this isn't a completely negative, bitter post, I might as well say what's making me happy these days:

Nonstop Buffy and Angel. Ever since Sarah gave Dev his Season 3 of Buffy back, I've been catching up to get to the point where I can borrow Dev's Seasons 4 and 5.

And Canton, Dev and I are going through the first season of Angel as well, with me screaming every time future events in Buffy (from my POV, being a half season of Buffy behind, chronologically) are mentioned.

Eh, at least Canton's further behind me in the Buffywatching...

Also, Canton and I saw Shrek 2 on Monday. Whoo Hoo! I liked it better than the first, after a day's reflection. More original story, and Antonio Banderas as Puss in Boots steals the movie away.

Don't worry, K-Dell. My first screening won't hurt me going in the next week with you. I'd see it again.

Ranter from the Year 3000! (with echoes!)

First off: Pentax, a camera manufacturer, has really pissed me off with their new trademarked slogan:

"The Official Digital Camera of the Internet"

When I heard about this, I had to vent to girlone and Kard, whether they understood what the hell I was talking about or not.

Okay, for one thing, how can you justify such a claim?

Coke can be the official soft drink of the Olympics, mostly because there's a governing body (The Olympic Committee) that says, "Hey! Coke wants to give us money if we say that they're our official sponsor. I think we should let them give us millions of dollars for this."

If Nike wants to be the official shoe of Canada, let them throw money at our government. At least some money's being thrown around for the privilege of saying that.

Last I checked, there's not really a governing or regulatory body for the Internet (no matter what Al Gore wants us to believe...). It's all fine and dandy to say, "Hey! Our camera? Offical internet camera!" but there's NO WAY to qualify that.

The internet as a whole is not being paid for this. The internet as a whole can't say, "Yeah, We love Pentax SOOOO much! Show us the money!"

Hell, if that's the case, I'm "officially" the "Sexiest Man Online™!" It's OFFICIAL! I SAY SO!

Jeez, this is like Fox News trademarking "Fair and balanced" all over again.

Jackass corporations.

* * *

Hey, guess what? I've got a plagiarist for a premier!

AND! He used to be a journalist in Calgary! Wheee! I live in the best province ever!

* * *

Channel 101 is the best site I've found all month.

It's a website featuring a lot of small five-minute movies, all based on television ideals.

Some hilarious stuff on here, although not for everyone.

For everyone, I'd recommend Time Belt, The 'Bu (featuring Sarah Chalke, mother of my future children), or Twigger's Holiday.

If you want something, um, different, try Second Time Around, or The Harper Twins Mystery Files, or Six Months to Live.

Second Time Around is the story of a 30-year-old guy who falls in love with a junior high teacher. Problem is, she keeps on falling in love with her students. So the guy decides to enroll back in junior high and pretend to be a preteen.

The Harper Teens are like Nancy Drew or the Hardy Boys, if they were into incest.

Six Months to Live is a musical show about three friends who are all terminal.

Also? Sockbaby is the best no-budget martial arts fighting I have ever seen.

The site's the brainchild of Rob Schrab and Dan Harmon, previously known for the comic book, Scud: The Disposable Assassin.

Every month, new shows are screened, and it's up to the audience to vote shows into the next month. Picked shows are given another episode. New pilots pop up to replace old ones voted off...

Please, check this site out. Although you have been warned.

* * *

Do you remember a time when there wasn't such a thing as fashion? And you were able to wear whatever the hell you wanted?

I miss those days, but I was reminded of them when I saw a four-year-old kid in the mall wearing the big black rubber boots. No shame involved, just a kid clomping around.

When I was younger (no, not just last week...), I tended to be a little nudist in the house and backyard. Some embarrassing pics, let me tell you. Especially the one of me nude in a box, playing some board game.

* * *

Stupid act of the month:

When I was in Moose Jaw during tour, I decided to use my brother's computer to download pics from my camera and burn them to CD. Just so I wouldn't have to walk around with photos from Kingston's wedding in March.

So I burned them onto disc, and gave them to Sarah, saying, "The pics of Jeremy's chalk drawings are on here."

She can't open them. Odd. I'll take them home and see.

So on Wednesday, I throw the disc in my computer, and, surprise! The disc's blank! I never burned it.

Well, okay. I might have left them in a folder on Brade's comp.

Ah. Braden can't find them. Did I delete them after I "burned" the disc? Yes. Yes, I did.

Fuck.

There go all my pics of Royal Roads College, the most beautiful school ever. And there go my pics of Kingston and I dancing the "Kingston," the best dance ever...

* * *

Quote of the day (from a venting session girlone and I just had): "I'm sorry you don't understand technology enough to know that water plus electronics equals ruined."

* * *

Dev and I had a brunch at Denny's today, just talking in general about Top Five lists in preparation for this month's book club. It was a fun afternoon, although we're not sure if our waitress will be showing up at our doors saying she's pregnant with our child. (She kept calling us "Sweetie" and "Honey." Nothing else happened. I swear.)

* * *

Reading: High Fidelity by Nick Hornby. The book club's doing it on Monday

The week that ate Jago

So, in the space of one week, I've worked at three different stores. It's made for some tiring, tiring shifts. Especially since I only got back into my usual sleeping patterns yesterday, as opposed to my waking up at 7 thanks to choir tour.

On my first day at WEM, I sold a laptop computer on the RadioShack card with three year warranty! Whoo!

Then it was off to Sherwood Park, where the manager's on vacation and so assistants have to go in and babysit the store. I recieved an entire order in one afternoon.

It was pretty crazy on my seocnd SP shift on Friday. It wasn't too bad for the first part, but after 7 pm, it went insane!

I was getting a cell phone from the SP Rogers for my coworker. When I come back a mere ten minutes later, there's eight people at the till.

So I'm shoving through as many people as I could. I then had this one crazy woman who was talking about how a satellite installer flipped out on her. She was talking to me for ten minutes, while I was saying, "Look, I'm not the manager of the store. Although he WILL be back on Monday..."

Ended up making $1800 for the company that night. Followed by waiting at the mall for girlone to pick me up so we could go to Morris' birthday.

I ended up making a song about it, set to the tune of Mandy by Barry Manilow.

Oh, girlone. You came to pick me up so tardy,

You know I was quite concerned,

But girlone, you eventually came by, no problems...

At Morris' birthday, I was introduced to "Subjective Guess Who," which uses the normal Guess Who board game, but with really subjective questions.

None of this "Do they wear glasses?" crap. I was asking questions like, "Has your person ever acted on Broadway?" or "Would your person survive in an Elizabethan court?"

Morris was so astonished that I was able to win two games of Guess Who using completely subjective questions. Apparently, I am master of Subjective Guess Who.

More-ass decided to take me on, which led to two stalemates. Although it led to such great questions as, "Would I sleep with this person after seven beers?" (Answer: Well, the guy was pretty rugged. And it IS More-ass we're talking about here...)

I got home at 3 am, all ready to go to sleep and wake up for that 45 minute bus ride to WEM. And get there at 9 am. Eurgh.

Afterards, Dev, Marauder and I were getting REALLY into Tiger Woods Pro Tour 2004 for PS2. And I mean, "Hey, let's have another game of Stroke play. It's only 1:30 am."

I am the most inconsistent golfer ever. It's like, I go from four over par on some holes while the announcers mock my inability to hit the analog stick in a straight line, and on the next hole, I chip in a shot from the rough onto the green for an eagle!

Or my hole in one which made Marauder, Dev and I scream.

So, in a round where I SO didn't win, I still was able to bring in $40,000 by sinking some impossible shots. And bought some new clubs because of it.

Which leads to today. Not a bad day at work. Steady stuff, including a lot of foreign travellers buying things like the one Norwegian who came in and just up and bought a GPS unit. And then after I rang in the sale, his friend come up and says, "Me too, please."

In any case, going to the house to hang out some. And eat. And do laundry.