Jago's Mini Cultural Tour of Victoria

As any of you who've been on a choir tour with Dev and I in the past three years, we love privately owned businesses.

Especially those that have really, really bad names.

So punny that they make you groan, or ones that make absolutely no sense.

Here in Victoria, I've found two that've caught my eye.

First of all, there was Amos and Andes, an importer of foreign made goods. That gave me a chuckle.

Then came the one that horrified me to no end.

Worse than She-Mann's Hair Care.

Okay: What comes to mind when I say the word "maternity?"

Now, whatever that word is, I'm sure brings a lot better connotations than (get ready for it):

Clownin' Around Maternity

No, seriously. What the hell was the owner thinking?

Pregnant women, in my experience, have enough trouble with self-esteem. Why must you make your store sound like it's frequented by fat, scary clowns?

What kind of complex are you trying to give women here???

I dunno, Dev. Mentality-wise, it's a lot worse than Ready, Set, Baby! or Flowers by Murray. (Moose Jaw and Saskatoon, respectively)

* * *

Went to a bar, Legends, after I got off the plane last night. Well, after I came to the house and dropped off my stuff and posted.

This was where the bachelor and bachelorette parties were supposed to meet up at 10 pm.

I got there, and couldn't find anyone I knew. Granted, I last saw Kingston four years ago, met his fiancee once at that same occasion, and had no clue about anyone else in the wedding party.

So I'd be stalking the bar, looking around for Kingston. After three attempts, I thought, "Wait a minute. There's, like, no one my age here, it's full of young nineteen-year-olds in their most scantily-clad finest. And I'm looking around the bar, wearing a rainjacket and baseball cap. I look like a stalker. Or one of those creepy old guys. (Of which this bar had two that I saw...)"

So I ordered a drink, and started asking staff if they knew of a bachelor party that had hit this nightclub yet.

A half hour later, Kingston's mom comes in the door. Who I immediately recognize and rush to.

Man, I love BC's non-smoking policy when it comes to nightclubs. At least I didn't have to worry about the smell of my clothes when I came back.

Kingston never made it to Legends. Apparently, he was pretty screwed up at 10 pm, and Chris, his best man, took him home.

So I get to the house with Jen, Kingston's fiancee, at about 12:30. Where we found Kingston passed out on the couch.

We decided to make sure he was all right before going to bed. 45 minutes later, he awoke, looking for the bathroom. Jen and her father were trying to drag Kingston.

He was pretty belligerent, shouting at them. Once I called out to him, he brightened up, as only really drunk people do.

"Kyle! My oldest friend is here!"

"Yup. Need some help from the bathroom?"

So I was soaxing him to drink a load of water and eat some soda crackers before he passed out for the night. And made sure to give him a bucket. And hold his hair back.

Because that's what love is all about. Holding someone's hair back when they vomit.

Today, when Kingston woke up, he found out I was there by a note with my handwriting on it on the coffee table. Apparently, his heart stuck in his throat when he saw that. Because he had no recollection of that late in the night.

Tomorrow: wedding. Looking forward to it...

From the Gateway to the North to the Jewel of the Isle

Had my flight down to Victoria this evening. Yup. I'm here in Canada's Largest Retirement Home.

So I get to the airport no problems from my place. I've got my ticket confirmations, and everything I'll need in my bags: Change of clothes for 4 days. Black socks for the tux. Gameboy. Discman. Digital Camera. Book to read from Dev.

When I'm talking to the Air Canada rep, she of course asks me if I've got any sharp objects in my carry on bag and my suitcase.

"No," I reply.

Have I had my bags the entire time?

"Yes."

And I don't have any nail files, clippers, etc?

"No."

I go through the metal detector. Just peachy. But my bag's been flagged for some reason.

So the security guard and I cleaned out my entire main pouch.

Gameboy, camera, headphones, discman, letters from my mailbox I forgot to clean out, tie after tie after tie after tie. Pens at the bottom of my bag.

"Um, what are we looking for?" I ask him.

"Nail clippers."

"Are you sure? I'm pretty sure I don't have any."

Then we check the front pouch. More mail. And nail clippers. That have been there since about, oh, at least eight months prior. Maybe when I moved out of the House.

Call me sheepish.

* * *

I tell you, there's nothing quite like seeing the city of Calgary at night during takeoff.

At a few hundred feet, all you see is neighbourhoods lit up from within, due to the streetlights. A soft light making all the crescents look like an artery, or a circuit board.

Beautiful.

Or, at least, until I saw Vancouver at night from above.

Oh. My. God.

As docile as Calgary looked, Vancouver looked vibrant, alive. Almost neon moving lights, just making for sort of a river or waterfall of light.

It'll be intersting for the return trip, through Kelowna, at morning. Probably not half as beautiful, but the valley and mountains might make up for it, barring any cloud cover.

Also, I love the sight of flying between two layers of clouds, with a blue hue where we are flying.

Just amazing.

* * *

I was reading the book that Dev lent me on the plane. About forty pages in, I find a bookmark from when it was last read, I guess.

And what a bookmark it was, too.

A movie stub to Batman and Robin from Summer 1997.

Two things popped into my mind:

1. "Wow, that's a long time. That's seven years ago."

2. "Dev paid to see Batman and Robin in the theatres? I still haven't seen that movie."

* * *

Wow. Three posts in two days. Scary. Getting back to the whole updating thing quite quickly.

Remind me to tell you about Axler's and my conversation before my flight left. He had some interesting points about my writing style...

My obsession with Sarah...

This past week, I was travelling with the choir to Fort McMurray for a winter mini-tour, to get prepared for the bigger tour happening in April.

One the bus ride home, someone put in There's Something About Mary, a comedy I like enough. After watching it the frist time, the laughs don't come as easily, I guess.

Adise from a smoking Cameron Diaz, I realize that there was a bit part played by Sarah Silverman.

Now I am a huge fan of Sarah Silverman. Hell, you could say I long for her. She fits the Jago archetype: shorter than me, raven black hair, and a sense of humour that complements mine well. (She's sarcastic. So am I. NOTHING could go wrong in our conversations. NOTHING!)

I realize that this is probably the first movie I saw her in. I might have remembered her from some 1993-era Saturday Night Live shows, but I was fading out of the show by that point.

I dunno. There's just something about Sarah in Mary. I think I was really struck during the end credits, where you have the cast goofing off to "Fill Me Up, Buttercup". There's a segment where you have Sarah seriously looking into the camera, seeming so sincere about what she was singing, while kind of deadpan too.

I was struck. Completely.

Flash forward a few years. I get into Mr. Show, probably my favourite comedy show ever at this point.

Hey, guess who's a recurring actor? My beloved Sarah.

The Fox sitcom Greg the Bunny? Sarah's there too.

When I went to see School of Rock with Dev and Marauder, Sarah was on screen, playing the part of Jack Black's roommate's girlfriend.

Marauder turns to Dev.

"So this girl here, that's who Jago's completely in love with?"

Dev: "Yup."

Marauder: "So, does she always play bitchy characters?"

Dev: (thinks a bit) "Pretty much."

So, yes. I'm in love with this girl. Really, can you blame me?

DAMN YOU, JIMMY KIMMELL!!! Get your hands off of the woman I'm totally smitten (smote? schmuck?) over.

Limping to the Left Coast

Hey! I'm back! And you can't even HEAR my computer now. Wow. A new fan really makes a difference, I guess.

It's a good thing I got the extended warranty. Otherwise I would have had to pay $225 for a new fan and $75 for labour charges. Yipes.

So I haven't had a computer for three weeks. In that time, I've watched a load of movies and played a load of video games. Just because I was cut off from the online world and my hard drive, which has a lot of crap I didn't think I'd miss that much.

GAH! 400 new messages! All within the past three weeks! I hate all of you responsible for these messages.

Deleted, for the most part. Such a chore...

Okay, so here's the news for the past two weeks.

* * *

Today, for some reason, my ankle started to act up. I went gimpy. Almost to the point where I was considering not going into work, because of the pain.

Luckily, I did go to work. Tom called in sick, and so I closed by myself. And my computer was back in from repair.

In any case, I'm not sure why my ankle is acting up. I don't think I slept on it wrong.

Maybe it was the bathroom session of Metroid Fusion. My foot was in a weird position for that...

* * *

Flying to Victoria for the wedding tomorrow evening.

I'll be taking some pictures and posting them in my personal webspace, if you want to see a spiffed-up Jago. Since the tux was fitted for me, it should be quite comfy. Can't say much for the shoes I'm to wear, though.

Jo, I'm not sure if we'd be able to meet up, considering there's a sea in between us. I'll make sure to call, mind you...

* * *

Had the choir Spring Concert two weeks ago. It was a decent enough concert, if a lot longer than normal due to all the speeches.

I whispered to Grank during a speech, "Make sure I never participate in a 60th Anniversary concert again."

Had some pics taken of me with some friends attending the concert. Man, some of my friends just can't have bad pics taken of them. It's nice to have photogenic friends, but the goof standing next to them doesn't photograph quite as well. That's why I'm usually behind the camera, I guess...

Sure was nice to see some faces I haven't in a while. And I was able to give girlone her belated Christmas gift, finally.

* * *

D! moved back into his shiny new place, along with a new dishwasher, some boldly painted walls, and the like.

I was impressed, let me tell you. It's quite the makeover...

I was pretty happy to have my place back to myself. Just my clutter, instead of two guys sharing a place why to small to hold the both of them...

* * *

Watched "Lost in Translation" and "American Splendor" this week.

Both great, great movies. I was in awe. At the end of "Lost in Translation," I was pretty choked up, let me tell you.

* * *

Had a guy call into the store today. Before I tell you THIS conversation, let me tell you the background.

As merchandise gets old, prices drop. Especially when you're talking computers. There's a reason why computer manufacturers make new computer models every three months.

So, when computers become out of date, they become cheaper and cheaper. But there are usually very few of them remaining, so it becomes really hard to locate said computer.

Like, for example, this guy. The Compaq 4000 model. $200 for the tower. Granted, it was one of the worst computers we carried. (Celeron chips are, for the most part, crap. So it would always be freezing up in demo modes.)

Back in November, it was, I dunno, $400? $500? Still a pretty good deal. Such a good deal that my manager had to send one out for repair. When it came back, he bought it himself. In November.

Somehow, our computer said we had one. So we were getting calls from all around Canada. It got to the point where I would hear, "I'm Joe. From Radioshack in London, Ontario. I'm looking for -"

"251-1401. Yeah. We don't have it. Sorry."

Tom found out it was because the repair tag wasn't closed. So he closed it and put it back into inventory. For some reason, for a while it said we had two. So, double the amount of phone calls.

Hence, today's phone conversation with a customer. It's pretty much like all the rest of them, but with a twist I loved at the end.

"Hi, I'm on your website, and it says that your store has some cheap computers in stock."

"Ah, yes. The Compaq 4000," I say. "Sorry, that's an error in our inventory."

"Is it really $200?"

"If you can find one in Canada? Sure. But you won't be able to. only two stores are listing it. One is in Toronto. The other is us. But we don't have that computer in stock."

"Oh. What other computers do you have in that price range?"

"For $200? Nothing."

"So what's the best deal right now?"

"The cheapest computer we have is $650. It's a good Gateway computer for that price."

"Does that include the monitor?" he asks.

"Lord, no. That's just the tower."

"So, what, your company is false advertising?"

"No," I say. And he hangs up. And I think, false advertising? Where the hell does he get that idea? When people call me up, I don't say "Oh, yes, we've got that computer."

If they come in for it, I'm not baiting and switching them, saying, "Well, we don't have THAT computer. So pay me $600 more for a computer."

I tell them point blank that it's a stock error. We don't have that computer in stock. We haven't since November. And then I tell them point blank that they won't be able to find that computer anywhere, that it's a lost cause.

Hell, check out the link. It says in bold, MONITOR SOLD SEPARATELY.

So how is that in theleast false advertising?

I got steamed about that one, let me tell you...

* * *

That's about all I can think of. I might post from the West Coast. In any case, enough of this once every two weeks. It'll be a lot better now that my computer's all healthy again.

No, I'm not dead. But sometimes it feels that way...

Okay, now the reason I haven't been updating as much as I usually do is because my computer's in the shop. Finally had enough of the "shutting off" tendencies it was giving me.

Granted, it went from "Okay, I'll just be shutting off after you let me be inactive for about half an hour. Oh, and don't bother trying to turn me back on. The only way I'll do it is if you unplug me." to "Ha! Watching some Aqua Teen Hunger Force, are we? What happens if I SHUT DOWN! Like that, bitch? Oooh. Is that an email you're writing? CAN'T HAVE THAT NOW, CAN WE???? Oooops! Power off!"

Needless to say, I sent it out for repairs...

So, since D!'s currently my roommate, we've been using his computer.

Problem is, I'm not about to start using his computer as my main base, bookmarking all my haunts and setting up my email service to POP it down to the hard drive.

And it's a grinding slow computer. Supposedly faster speed than mine, but, man, that Celeron processor draaags it dowwwn...

So, in a nutshell, not frequenting the Internet as much as I usually do.

As such, I gotta lotta updating to do...

(HOLY CRAP! I've only done two posts throughout February? Is this what happens when I get a roommate? Yipes!)

* * *

Let's start with work.

Tyler, the employee who was fired last post, was stealing from us.

That $200 missing from the till? His doing. It took a while to really pinpoint it, but Tyler was responsible for a lot of product going missing from the back room.

I found out that Tyler was on probation. For armed robbery.

Recently, Ian from RS Loss Prevention called to tell us that Tyler was back in jail.

Only a few days ago did I discover why:

His grilfriend, Justina (the co-worker I really couldn't stand) came into the store and was talking to Tom, her face all bruised.

Tyler decided to beat the shit out of her.

Now, I'm no big fan of Justina, but no one deserves that. That shit is SO wrong.

Exit Tyler.

Now, today, I narrowed down that Cody's been skimming from the till. Nothing as huge as $200, but every so often when he closes with me, $10 or $15 is short in Daily Reports.

Today, I counted the till before Cody came in. One cent off.

This evening? Ten dollars and one cent off.

Either the kid is lousy with giving change, or he's skimming.

So we replaced one thief with another. Joy.

What really bums me out about this is that I could tolerate Tyler and like Cody.

And for some reason, I would tend to give them the benefit of doubt. Are my people instincts just not right for retail management? Will I have to distrust every staff member who comes into the store, just because of some bad experiences?

This is what's eating me. I tend to trust people. It's a good thing. But if I lay my trust in people who are stealing again and again, and keep on losing out because of it, will I become jaded towards friends? Not able to trust anybody?

Customers, I rarely trust these days. One woman sent an email to the company call centre about the "worst customer service she's ever recieved" when she sent her computer in for repair.

I, of course, was the main person dealing with it.

When this woman brought her computer in to be fixed, I told her it would take two to three weeks, since it's sent to Calgary. But, since she had the extended warranty, it might be sooner.

Because it's a computer, I send it to Calgary the next day. Because I think, "Man, it should be sent down ASAP, because she'll want to use that computer fairly soon."

Two weeks pass. She starts calling, because apparently, I told her it'd be back in no less than two weeks. So where is the computer?

I check my repair log. All it tells me is when I sent it out. The techs don't fill in when it got there, what's being done. All I know is I sent it out on January 20.

"Well, the repair depot's closed, since it's past 5 pm. I'll tell you what: I'll call them up when I get in first thing tomorrow."

I do so. The tech assigned to that computer didn't show up for work that day. The secretary doesn't know what the deal is.

I get some details a few days later. The CD burned is pooched, and they're waiting for a new one from HP.

So I tell the woman that.

Even so, she keeps on calling asking where it is. Mostly on evenings or weekends, when the repair depot is closed!

Finally, after exactly one month, it comes into the store.

When I call her up telling her the computer's in, she asks me what sort of compensation she'll get.

Inside my brain: Compensation? For a computer gone a week later than expected? What do you want? Tell you what: I'll give you a brand new spankin' computer! just because I'm responsible for repairs! Do you want me to give you a back rub too? Will this help you out? JACKASS!

What I actually tell her: "Well, I'm not in any position to give you any compensation. That would be something either my manager or district manager would have to work out with you. Once it leaves my store, my hands are tied, other than calling the repair centre up and asking them to hurry up."

Her email talks about how "Kyle and Tom seemed vague about what was happening to my computer, and were uncertain to when it was coming back."

Damn straight. When you call at times I can't call the repair depot to figure out what's up, I can't do much. When the repair depot doesn't write things down and is off in their own little world, I can do squat. When they're waiting for a new CD drive from California, I twiddle my thumbs. All I can do is shrug my shoulders and wait for the sitcom trumpet blare. "Oh, that silly Jago! Wuw Waaaaaah!"

I sent it down the day after it arrived. I kept calling the depot harassing them about it. I kept her informed as to what was happening with it, to the best of my abilities. She CANNOT say that I was giving her bad customer service.

(NOTE: I pretty much wrote up a different version of this for my DSM Mitch at work today. Took me a half hour to properly write, while not making it sound like the woman was a jackass. Then some dimwit customer decided to cloes down the window in search of some games when my back was turned. Grrrr...)

In other work-related news, I was in charge of the store when Tom was on vacation. I stayed much overtime when Mitch came in and said "I want this to go there, these to go up, this to move, etc." I worked about 10 hours overtime that's expected of me. Gotta love being salaried instead of the wage slave...

Gotta leave this job.

* * *

OKAY! New subject!

Birthday was pretty anticlimactic. Went to see Kill Bill with Marauder, Barber and D! Loved it.

My parents' gift to me is money to buy Backlash tickets.

Otherwise, pretty low key. Nothing big happened. Getting a present from Dev in the next week or so. Have to decided what I'm getting him for his brithday next week.

* * *

Choir concert's taking up a lot of my time. Went to Camrose last week for our pre-concert concert. Went pretty well. No major screwups. 'J'entends Le Moulin,' this year's most difficult song rhythm-wise went better than expected.

I almost killed Barber, and, by extension, us, on the ride home.

Dev was telling us about the new band he heard of, Franz Ferdinand, and how there are now more than one band out there named after assassinations. (For those of you keeping score, the Dead Kennedys, after JFK, and Franz Ferdinand, after the assassination that started World War One.)

Barber piped up from the driver's seat, "And there's also Rainbow Butt Monkeys! (Note: The band that's now known as Finger Eleven)"

While Dev and Canton groan in the back, I add, "Actually, Barber's right. The name comes from the little-known assassination of a Nigerian dictator, Rainbo Butmunki (or, as I pronounced it, "Rainbow Bootmoonki.")

Barber starts choking on the sip of coffee he was taking. While we're driving 90 kph on a rural highway.

It turned out fine, but never get your driver laughing while sipping a road beverage...

* * *

My friend Doug's moved to the Left Coast. Most of my diaryland buddies have already made thier voices herad on this one, so there's not much I can add.

Did I know him as well as most of the others? No. But I knew him well enough to have fond memories of him, such as the time he, Dev and I attempted the Space Ghost drinking game.

Doug, you will be missed. And we've got to have more geekout gatherings...

* * *

Booked my ticket for Kingston's wedding in a few short weeks. Flying down to Victoria for a few days.

I pissed off my mom, who was planning to help me by using Air Miles to cut costs. Unfortunately, due to crazy-ass working and getting home long after she goes to bed (I get off evening shifts at work at 11 pm her time), I didn't get a hold of her in time.

That wsan't the part that pissed her off, however. I made her mad when she FINALLY got a hold of me because I had some friends over playing Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles (Mini rant: LOVE that game so much... I knew I bought the Game Boy and Gamecube link cable for a good reason...), and I wasn't paying attention.

I should have called her back after she yelled at me and hung up, but I didn't want to abandon my friends by going into the bedroom and getting yelled at over the phone for over a half hour.

So the tickets cost twice as much as they would have with Mom's help, but that's entirely my fault.

Brade, tell Mom I'm sorry.

* * *

That's about everything I can think of at the moment. I'm not sure if I'll really have a chance for post for a while, depending on when my computer comes back from repair.

D! moves out back into his own place this weekend. It was fun living with him again, but I sure will love the extra space back.

Hopefully, I will be back on the horse in under a week.

Odd Transformations 10, and a BIG bucket of posting...

My dream this morning:

I was on a reality Survivor-ish show, although it was set in a ritzy house, with a swimming pool in the back.

However, I was not Jago. Or rather, I was Jago, but I was playing a character, Eduardo. I was trying to fake being European, and not doing a very good job of it.

Not that it mattered. No matter how horrible my character of Eduardo was (not responding to the name, losing my accent, etc.), people didn't clue into the fact that I was not who I said I was.

What I SHOULD have done after having this dream at 6 in the morning was come out to my computer and flesh it out totally.

As it was, with D! on my couch these days, I decided to wait for a more convenient hour.

* * *

I'm currently in charge of the store, while Tom is on vacation.

Tyler no longer works for us. Last weekend, during my four day weekend (due to Tom working my regular shifts so he could leave on Friday), Tyler didn't show up to work.

Tom tried calling him, but never got an answer. When he did get through to Tyler, he was hung up upon.

Three days later, Tyler calls in. Too late, boy. You've been terminated.

So, we have two new part-timers. Anthony's from Capilano, and is a hard worker, although he's not that bright.

And, for some reason, he paints his eyebrows. Seriously.

He looks like a cross between a Groucho Marx without a sense of humour, and some old lady trying to reclaim her youth. It's pretty scary.

The other is Cody, who seems to be a good enough worker. He's doing evening shifts only.

I'm currently running the store, as Tom's on vacation. Which means now I can't get a hold of him for an entire week. WHEE!

* * *

On Friday, I went to an animation festival with Dev, D!, Canton, Marauder and Elimination. It was very fun stuff.

I found out that Don Hertzfeldt is one demented puppy. Of course, I have seen Rejected, his cartoon about being rejected by different media outlets, and how the cartoons spiral out of control. But Billy's Balloon was TWISTED!

Plus, seeing cartoons talk about the ultra mysterious third dimension was great.

"It's like I'm actually TOUCHING you!!!"

My favourite movies in the festival were Japan's Mt. Head and Germany's Das Rad

These movies have to be seen to be believed. Amazing stuff. It was definitely worth the eight bucks.

* * *

I turn 27 tomorrow.

Grrrr....

Painful day today...

It started off yesterday (Yes, the day is two days long...) when I came into work.

I had Saturday off, and so my key was given to Tyler. Since he tends to show up either right at the time the store opens, or later, I showed up about five minutes before the store opened.

Tyler was there, opening the store. I go to the back room and turn on the lights. I notice that the back door is unlocked. Not a good thing.

I go to the till, and Tyler tells me, "By the way, Tom made the float $400 again. Just so you know."

I open the till.

"Um, Tyler. This ISN'T $400."

I count the cash. $207. A far cry from a $400 float.

Great. Back door unlocked, money missing from the till.

I try to get a hold of Tom. Of course, I can't.

Today, when I get into work, after sleeping in and then forgetting my wallet (and, therfore, my bus pass) in my room, I finally get a hold of Tom.

Yup. Looks like someone stole money from the till. Either one of the guys who works at my store, or someone with a copy of the store key.

Not looking good.

I have the guys fill out reports of what they did from the time the store closed on Saturday until Sunday morning, as per Mitch's orders.

So, bad enough day, yes?

If it weren't for me not getting out of the store on time, because of razzinfrazzin' customers interrupting my cashing out.

Then, on my way to run home to get my wallet, I wait twenty-five minutes for a bus that SHOULD come every fifteen...

So I get to the book club about a half hour late. Granted, it's what really calmed me down today. Nothing like talking about reading with a whole bunch of friends.

* * *

In other news, D! has moved in with me for a month while his place is being renovated.

It's pretty cool having a roommate again, although it's not really an apartment for two.

It should be fun for February, mind you...