Not quite obsessed about this, but getting there...

So, on Friday, my manager Jeff calls me into the back room. And asks me point blank, "Are you in love with Sam?"

I ask, "What? Who said that? Jeff, I'm not in love with Sam. I'm attracted to her, but then who isn't?"

Meanwhile, in my mind, I'm thinking Who's the one who picked up my attraction? Am I that transparent?

(Sometimes, when I think I'm completely overreacting over something, that's when everyone else doesn't notice. And sometimes when I think I'm a rock, the most stoic man alive, that's when everyone can read my thoughts as if they were on the Commonwealth Stadium scoreboard.)

So then, on Monday when the Sears Marauder comes in to pick me up for lunch, he notices Sam. And asks me about her constantly over lunch.

"Man, she's cute! I know YOU can't ask her out, but do you think *I* can?"

I reply, "Sure, go ahead. She hasn't said yes to any of the customers who ask her out, though."

Today, I call up Sears, about to ask if the Marauder's available for lunch. The Avenger answers the phone.

"Hey, Avenger. It's Jago. Is Marauder there?"

"No, he's got the day off today. Might I tell you, you have quite the cute girl working at your store."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, Sam's quite the looker, alright. When did you see her?"

"I went down to your store after my shift on Monday."

"Let me guess. You heard about her because Marauder was talking about her nonstop, right?"

Sigh. Yes, there's a very cute girl working at my store. No, I'm not asking her out, mostly because I'm leery of interwork relationships. Granted, once I leave RS, who knows? But she still is only 18. That might be very weird...

Completely

Got this song trapped in my mind going round and round. To try to exorcise it, I'm going to write the lyrics out. Otherwise, I might either go mad or have Kow do it.

You - flourescent candlelight
Pyramid in human disguise.
I, uncertain thief in the night,
Trying to read the prophecy in your eyes.
As I approach your vicinity,
I smell the smoke as I kiss the mystic fragrance of infinity.

Completely
Caress my burning fascination
You hold the key
To my insatiable Salvation

Now, you're moving closer to me
Awakening the blood rush within
Now, I feel the heat of your breath,
The pinprick of your lips against my skin
You're splitting hairs, getting technical
Hovering there as I stare into the blazing metaphysical.Completely
Caress my burning fascination
You hold the key
To my insatiable salvation
Completely
We'll ride these feelings of tranquility
Complete me
Completely

There. Maybe that'll help...We'll see come tomorrow morning's shower.

Channelling out the feelings of resentment I've got...

One of the things that gets me mad to the point of frustration is the feeling of missing out on something. It's been happening quite a bit recently.

I tend to work at least two evening shifts a week, so I get home at approximately 10:30 pm. While I'm more of a night owl than I used to be, most of my friends have normal shift hours, and so have to go to bed reasonably early.

And since Fringe is NEXT WEEK!, the evenings I do have off are pretty much going towards rehearsals.

So I feel I'm missing out on things because of my hectic week. Is it possible to feel jealous of an a cappella group? Becuse that's what it feels like I'm doing.

I'm regressing back to 1995, where I was jealous of Heath.

Back then, I had a job with my old camp, Katepwa, as a counselor. Living outdoors for a month, training kids how to live in Christ as well as doing fun stuff in the outdoors.

Heath decided to apply to Broadway North, a Prince Albert theatre company who was doing West Side Story. And he got in.

What could I do? I had committed myself to camp. And so I couldn't join him up in Northern Saskatchewan to do a fun musical.

So I was envious of him for getting the opportunity to try something new. And, I wasn't able to see him perform a major role, because I was halfway across the province working, and when I WAS able to see him, I wasn't allowed to drive the six hours to get to PA.

But, water under the bridge. Until I got accepted to the University of Alberta and he was accepted into the singing troupe Saskatchewan Express.

And I became envious again. Because I realized something that still applies today. I am the guy who needs to be prepared, having a fallback plan for everything I do. I am careful and cautious.

Heath, especially back then, fresh out of high school, was impulsive. He did things that appealed to him on the spur of the moment, not needing any sort of preparations. He was easy-go-lucky.

And I seemed to be drug back by my commitments, constrained by my forethought and preparedness. And I hated Heath for being able to do everything he did on a whim.

Our relationship was almost destroyed by my envy. We had a strained friendship for about a year and a half, something I didn't realize until after the fact, when Kaz told me Heath's side of the story. But I'm glad we've been able to repair that broken bond.

In any case, the feelings I am currently experiencing are scarily similar to the feelings I harboured towards Heath. And I certainly don't want any friendships to be severed due to my busy schedule these days.

As much as I love Kow and the guys involved, I don't want to lose touch with MFJ, girlone, D!, Justice, the rest of my friends. Because, sometimes, there's such a thing as spending too much time together.

Also, I'd like to take time off work that'll lead to rest and relaxation for once. Maybe once I get a new job I'll actually be able to go back to Moose Jaw for Christmas. It's been SUCH a long time...

* * *

I've had my current cordless phone since May, and only this past week did I realize that colour of the face was actually gray, not blue. Yup, all I had to do was remove the adhesive coating off the face that was there to keep the display from getting scratched up before being sold.

Sigh. SUCH a moron.

Deadpan delivery of the week...

Before the gig Kow had, the Barber and I went to Booster Juice to get some beverages.

Barber's deciding what to get. He picks his drink, and the Juice guy asks Barber what kind of booster he wants put in it.

Barber's looking at the choices, and I murmur, "Get the energy booster. You'll probably be needing something to wake you up."

He agrees.

The juice guy asks if Barber's allergic to bee pollen, since it's a main ingredient of the energy boost.

"No," says Barber.

The juice guy turns to me.

"What would you like?"

"I'd like the Very Berry, please. And I'd like an energy boost put in as well, thanks."

"Are you allergic to bee pollen?"

I look him directly in the eye, no emotion showing on my face.

[AND NOW WE TAKE YOU TO A COMMERCIAL BREAK BEFORE THE RESOLUTION OF THIS STORY.]

Here are a few words from the author of this website:

"After I have a huge sneezing fit while typing at two in the morning, I immediately reach for my KLEENEX WITH MENTHOL(tm)! It's like an enema for my nose! One inhalation and my congestion is a lot more clean than with regular tissues! Thanks, Kimberly-Clark!"

[AND NOW THE RESOLUTION OF THIS ANECDOTE.]

"Are you allergic to bee pollen?"

I look him directly in the eye, no emotion showing on my face whatsoever.

"Horribly."

He starts laughing.

"But you warned me, so you're off the hook," I end.

Listening obsessively to: My Love Is Like (Wo) - Mya; Double Team - Tenacious D, and to an extent, Rock Your Body - (sigh) Justin Timberlake.

Wanting to read: Hellblazer story arc by Brian Azzarello (but still on the Robert Jordan book)

Good thing I've got dry pants for tomorrow...

Rain falls.

And I was in the middle of it, walking back from the house to my apartment. Wearing only my dress shirt and pants. No jacket.

I liked it that way. No need to rush back home. Just take in the moisture, watch it make a camouflage effect on my grey shirt. It's not like I need to wear this shirt for work tomorrow. Feel my hair mat against my head and cheeks. (Yes, my hair's that long these days...)

And afterwards, dressed very casually, hnuched over in front of my keyboard, letting my place's warmth dry me, au naturel. And yet, of course, I sweat.

* * *

So today's Kow rehearsal turned into something MUCH bigger...

Dev picked me up from work today, and on the way over, I asked a question that would change the evening:

"Hey, do you know if we're still doing that fundraiser for that theatre troupe? Because if it's tomorrow, I've been scheduled to work..."

Dev: "CRAP! No! That's tonight!"

Me: "Wouldn't Canton have told us if that was the case? No, wait a sec. He's probably forgotten as well."

So we get to the house to rehearse. Canton shows up, and when we mention the performance, he's shocked.

"No, that's over the weekend, isn't it?"

Dev: "Nope."

So Canton phones up the producer of this benefit concert, and finds out, yes it IS tonight. And would it be possible to bring our sound equipment, just in case the sound engineer doesn't show up?

Joel and Gil haven't arrived to rehearse yet. When they DO get in, Gil needs to shower. But after that, we take our stuff and head to local bar The Druid.

We make up a set list on the fly, deciding what songs work and don't work on mics. In all, not a bad concert. Some songs we realize we need to polish before taking them to Fringe, and that Gil needs to get into the mic as much as he can.

The audeince was decent, considering there were a whole bunch of bar people who weren't there for the fundraiser, so we performed in front of a lot of people who haven't heard of us. Publicity's a good thing before the biggest set of concerts we've ever had.

* * *

I talked to my dad a few nights back and found that my dog, Piers, has glaucoma in one eye. So, he'll be getting surgery to fix it. Problem is, this means the dog will lose his eye.

I seriously considered asking why we don't just get the dog laser eye surgery. And then realized, "Wait a sec. I'm thinking of giving Piers surgery I wouldn't seriously consider getting myself?"

God, I love the dog. But I'll just have to live with it having one eye. Maybe he could get an eyepatch! And be a pirate!

Ahrrr! A pirate Pekinese, it be!

But seriously, the dog has pretty much turned out to be mine, even though I haven't really lived at home for most of it's life. Hell, we got it the summer before my Grade 12 year. So I lived with the dog for only two years continually. I haven't even SEEN Piers since Grandma Dokken's deathwatch in November 2001.

But whenever I come home, he runs to me. And is so happy to see me. He sleeps on my bed during thunderstorms, and goes on walks with me. Even if that was a few years back.

* * *

My new co-worker Sam came up to me during the shift and asked me, "Is it weird that I've been asked out on dates at least once a day since I started working here?"

I looked at her, and thought, Gee, because you're cute, small, young and really friendly? God forbid people are attracted to you!

But of course, what I said was, "Damn. Why do you get the numbers?"

Reminds me of Carey, the athletic blond intelligent cutie who was telling me one day about how her boyfriend would get her gifts.

At which point I asked, "Damn! They do all those things? Sigh. I wish I had a boyfriend..."

Carey laughs out loud, and the customer she's serving pleads, "Don't go there. Please."

"You know," Carey said, "girlfriends can do that for you too."

"Even better!" I exclaim.

Getting My Name Back

Menthol Jihad Diary

[August 7th] Bought up all the Kleenex with Menthol in the area. Started mailing campaign and leaving tissues in mailboxes.

[August 15th] Bought stock in Kimberly-Clark. The company's going to go through the ROOF!

[August 17th] Threw out mattress. Now sleeping in the corner of my room in a bunch of menthol tissues.

[October 23rd] FINALLY got out of jail. Who knew that forcing people on Whyte Avenue to blow their noses was an indictable offense?

* * *

My younger brother Braden came up for the weekend. Had a fun time with him, although we didn't spend too much time together. He came for the wrestling house show that happened this weekend.

(Rumour of the week: According to Marauder, the house show was a gauge for the WWE to see if it's viable for Edmonton to host a Pay Per View next year. It'd be a DREAM to get front row seats to that. Especially if it involved one of the bigger shows like Royal Rumble or Survivor Series. That'd be SO cool if it were to happen...)

Also, he brought up a powered mixer for Kow to rehearse on. So far, we've had one practice with mics, and it's going pretty well... Granted, anything's better than the less-than-brilliant performance we had at last year's Northen Harmony. That's what we get for not having any prior mic time. Talk about being out of our element...

* * *

In negative work news, Real, one of my least-favourite RadioShack employees, has been transferred to Kingsway to manage the Rogers store. Considering that a plus to transferring from Bonnie Doon was that I was getting away from him, I'm not that happy. Besides, the guy's already run ONE store into the ground (KGM's Battery Plus), so let's put him in a bigger store! Great...

In the "good news" section, Kiel's been promoted to managing his own store in Red Deer. I wish him the best, and also will welcome our new assistant manager with open arms. Hell, anything's better than being pushed into the role myself. Again. For the fourth time.

Since Kiel's leaving, I no longer have to use my last name. This will bring Independant Jago back into the world he belongs. Because I felt it kind of wrong to use a name that my friends use for me as a work name, where I want as little of my personal life being known to customers.

Also, the new hires look to be working out fine. Smart kids. They're catching on quickly. And the new girl, Sam, is cute!

That'll make my life easier. New AM, good young recruits. Whatever gets me out of more stress is good..,

Now if only I can get a job that pays a hell of a lot more. On Friday, I phoned up Convergys to leave a message to theiir Human Resources department. It could have gone a little better:

"Hi, my name's Kyle Jago, and my phone number is 909...Wait. Hold on. That's not my number. (Sigh.) Okay, sorry about this. My number's 909... No, that's not it. It's, ummmm.... I'm terribly sorry about this. It's 90-NO! 989! 4099! There! And I'm calling about, ummmm...APPLYING! (Yeah, that's the word) for a position."

If I had been any worse, I'd have banged my head with the phone a few times while Convergys's machine was still recording.

"Hey. I'm bleeding! Look at that! I'm bleeding because I decided to bang my head with the freaking phone! Well, doesn't that beat all? That's just FUC- Um, I'm still on the line aren't I? Just remember, Kyle Jago at 909- GODDAMMIT! (BEEP!)"

I was a little surprised when they called me back about a half-hour later. Of course, they're looking for people NOW, instead of next month. But so now I'm in the September potential pool. Here's hoping. I can really use the extra $400 a month...

* * *

I can really do without the irritated eyes. I get it already! While nothing like last week happened, it's just looking like I'm always sleepy since my eyes are half-closed and puffy.

And, I know, some of you might think that's how I always am. But now, I'm not enjoying the sleepy look...

Listening to: The Unforgettable Fire by U2.

Just finished reading: The first two Swamp Thing compilations by Alan Moore; the second Fables arc.

Plowing through: The Shadow Rising by Robert Jordan

RadioShack: Life just got SEXIER!

My company has started to stock DVDs now. Apparently, we're trying to please everyone, but I'm thinking we're becoming a much more expensive dollar store these days...

(Eurgh. Lord, it's hot. I've currently got the fan a foot away from me at top speed, running on it's highest setting. Next time I get an apartment, I'm going for one with air conditioning. People say they get hot, but I get HOT! Granted, I've got overactive sweat glands and am the missing link between human and grizzly bear, so I tend to be hotter than most lowly mortals. In any case, back to the story...)

I was doing stock today, and, as such,was the first person to set eyes on our stock of DVDs.

First out of the box was Original Sin, an erotic thriller featuring Antonio Banderas and Angelina Jolie. And it wasn't any version, it was the UNRATED version.

So, pretty much, the cover screams "Hey! Wanna see buck nekkid Jolie? Buy me! You thought the theatrical version was full of Angelina's breasts? Think again, putz! Because THIS version is full frontal, all the way, baby!"

While I didn't open up the jewel case, I wouldn't be surprised to see explicit Jolie anatomy on the DVD itself. Yipes.

Then, out of the box came Showgirls.

Sigh. RadioShack's got all your softcore needs, for only $14.99!

PLEASE let me get a new job soon...

* * *

I experienced something that hasn't struck me for a while, but comes and goes quite often in my case.

I'm gonna be serious during this next paragraph. No joke:

I get premonitions. I often dream up entire scenrios that happen later on, be it a few days, weeks, or even years. I'm not sure if it's a gift bestowed upon me, or just my mind playing tricks on me, but I see portions of my future life while I'm asleep.

It doesn't happen to me often, but it's occurred enough thimes to be more than simple deja vu.

The first time I remember it happening to me was Grade 9, during an assembly, where someone asked me what time it was in a darkened theatre. So I pushed my watch's Indiglo button, and realized I had dreamed this scenario two years earlier.

It happened again today, when I was counting stock.

I was sitting on a stool in the back room, facing the door, Jeff at his desk to my left. I needed to call Marauder to arrange lunch.

"Hey, Jeff would you hand me the phone...book..." I stall, slowing my speech because I know what's happening. I predicted his next line in my head.

"I've only got the Yellow Pages," he replied.

"Yeah," I said, dazed, reading my words as they were being said, exactly as I had dreamed them earlier. "That'll be fine..."

The cordless phone rings in my hand. [Cue Mitch on the line], I think to myself. I answer the phone, "RadioShack, your answer store. Kyle speaking."

"Hey, Kyle. It's Mitch."

"Yeah. I knew. This has all happened to me before, in my mind when I'm asleep."

He jokes about my life being the Matrix, and I pass the phone to Jeff, replaying this in my head.

I find this really spooky, because while I never wake up from sleep thinking, "God, that was weird, a dream about work," it's always there in the back of my mind, a memory waiting to be unlocked.

* * *

I found the most amazing invention since sliced bread at Shoppers Drug Mart today. Truly a sign that God loves me:

Menthol Kleenex! The stuff is manna to my sinuses!

It's like every time I blow my nose, which happens a lot during colds, I'm inhaling a load of Vicks Vaporub into my nose, clearing the path for all the stuffiness to come out.

I am now a convert to this box of tissue paper! I will be John the Baptist, spreading the word of the Messiah's Kleenex! A zealot, waiting to ambush someone with this, this ambrosia!!

My life has PURPOSE! Buy Menthol Kleenex, or your life will end at my hand! Infidel Puffs! Begone! There's a holy fatwa, an edict from my lips, praising the name of Kimberly-Clark! And all other brands will be destroyed by ME! The cleric of Menthol! The abbot of clear sinuses!