Biting the Hand That Reads Me

ROAR!

2007-09-03T19:45:00.000-06:00

In the past few months, I've boarded the Scott Pilgrim train.

An independent comic from a Toronto author, Scott Pilgrim deals with, well, 23-year-old Scott Pilgrim, a bassist in the rock band Sex Bomb-omb. He meets this girl Ramona, who's got seven evil ex-boyfriends that Scott has to defeat in order for Ramona to be truly his girl. Riddled with pop-culture references everywhere, and a lot of eight-bit gaming jokes (the first ex-boyfriend he defeats leaves behind a 1-Up), it's an awesome read for those people who aren't big fans of the usual superhero comics. Part manga, part old-school Oni black-and-white indy, it's truly awesome.

I've been getting it from the mall's comic shop, and so the owner tends to look out for things I like (I spend at least $20 a week there, so I'm a decent customer). The only other guy he gets Scott Pilgrim in for recommended a similar book. The owner asked if I wanted to try it. Sure, why not? It's cheap.

So I picked up Sharknife. While Pilgrim is manga-influenced, Sharknife is full-on manga. How manga, you may ask? A Chinese restaurant busboy turns into an armored warrior to defeat monsters that live in the walls.

It's super-busy artwork, in the fact that it's sometimes hard for me to pick out the action. So I was pretty lukewarm halfway through the book. Until the last sequence in the book.

It's an eggroll festival. And one of the monsters is a robo-bear that craves eggrolls. I let out a giddy emission of glee once or twice, because really, when you're dealing with a warrior grappling with a robot bear in order to save a mountain of eggrolls? As one character puts it, "he headlocked a freakin' BEAR!" Yeah, I enjoy stuff like that.

So, not half as good as Scott Pilgrim, but for a guy who loves bear/human battles, it had something for me.

Live and Let Fringe schedule: Apocalypse Kow vs. the Masters of Evil

2007-08-14T11:45:00.001-06:00

Sunday, August 19 1:50pm (TransAlta)
Sunday, August 19 10:15pm (Journal)
Tuesday, August 21 8:05pm (Journal)
Wednesday, August 22 6:45pm (Journal)
Friday, August 24 9:00pm (TransAlta)
Saturday, August 25 6:00pm (TransAlta)
Sunday, August 26 2:20pm (TransAlta)
Sunday, August 26 6:05pm (Journal)

Yeah, we've got less times this year. I'm not sure what's up with the schedule committee, other than the fact it's their first year doing this. My question is, if every other outdoor stage I know ALSO has ass times, who the hell's getting the awesome ones?

If it's Hoja, I'm going to be pissed.

Requiem

2007-06-26T01:24:00.000-06:00

It was only about ten years ago that I got back into watching wrestling. As a youngster, I would watch incessantly, but during high school, I grew out of it, only to be pulled back in a good six years later by my friend Rich. It was 1997, and WCW was picking up a lot of steam with their storylines. Let's face it, 1990s-WCW had a lot of crap, but it was some of the smaller stories and midcard wrestlers that held my attention.

Eddie Guerrero, Chris Jericho, and a slew of others kept me entertained, either with their wrestling talent, hilarious plotlines (mainly due to being able to get away with crap because they were under the radar. But one man I could always count on to have a great match was Chris Benoit.

He was born in Montreal and raised in Edmonton. He made his mark in Stampede Wrestling down in Calgary. Soon, he was one of the top independent wrestlers in the world. Everywhere he went, he pulled off great matches. New Japan Pro Wrestling as the masked wrestler Pegasus Kid. ECW where he got his nickname of the Crippler. WCW as part of the Four Horsemen and the awesome best-of-seven series with Booker T. And when he came to the WWE, the biggest stage in wrestling? That's where he really made his mark.

I'll be honest, he's not the kind of guy you stick a mic in front of. It wasn't charisma or that it-factor, he got my attention by wrestling. He was one of the best technical wrestlers that ever stepped into the ring. And he was from where I live, which made it even better.

Right now, the circumstances surrounding the death of Chris Benoit, his wife Nancy, and their child are looking bad. Seriously bad. As in, "every single thought you about about your personal hero is shattered" bad. But I'm not going to focus on that, not until this absurd case is closed. If it does go the way that police are speculating, well, then Chris Benoit was dealing with demons I couldn't even begin to imagine...

But I choose to focus not on these deaths, but the life I've been given through the matches that Chris Benoit has given me. The Smackdown taping here in Edmonton where he gave "Stone Cold" Steve Austin something like ten German suplexes as the hometown crowd counted them out with fervor. The Backlash 2004 main event, again in Edmonton, where he defended his World Heavyweight Championship by making Shawn Michaels tap to a sharpshooter. Every time Benoit would wrestle in Edmonton, he was treated like royalty, and I made every attempt to see him live as often as I could.

My thoughts go out to the extended families and friends of Chris Benoit and his wife. If my circle of friends, adoring Benoit fans, are being rocked by the news, it must be a million times worse for those people who knew the man. My prayers go out to everyone as we try to figure out what exactly happened this weekend, as we try to make sense of this tragedy.

Chris Benoit, you will be missed.

My least favourite opening line

2007-06-17T18:10:00.001-06:00

You know it's going to be a bad customer when the first words out of their mouth is "It hasn't worked from day one."

This, loosely translated, means, "Look, I know this is way over the 30 day return period, but I'm not going to leave until you make me happy." Problem is, there's a reason we have a thirty day return period. Anything that's hanging around your place for over a month probably isn't that sellable. Which is why people ALWAYS bring up the "this never worked, and that's why I'm bringing it back six months after purchase." God, I'd love to be able to say, "Look, if it never worked from day one, why didn't you bring it in on day two? Or day seven? Or day twenty?" Because day one-hundred and forty-one? No refund. That fucking thing's going out to repair.

Luckily, since this DVD player wasn't bought at MY store, I was able to pass the buck to the other store in the mall, where they originally bought it, and let THAT manager try to make them happy.

The other problem customer I had today bought a Sony camera from my downtown store. Currently, our promotion gives away an SD memory card free with a camera purchase. On specific SD-capable cameras. So why did downtown give away a card for a camera that can't use it? Dumbasses.

Customer: This card doesn't fit.

Me: Oh, okay.

My mind: Who the fuck sold this to you? One of my co-workers? I'll kill them for being such idiots.

Me: Did you buy this from my store?

Customer: No, I bought it from downtown.

Me: Ah.

My mind: Figures.

Customer: So, can we swap this card for one that fits?

I explain to him that downtown shouldn't have sold him that SD card, since the deal is specifically for cameras that aren't Sony. As such, if I sell him a new card, he's going to have to pay for it. He's fine with paying the difference, which is why I try to explain to him that when he got the card for free, there's no difference to pay. It's the full amount.

Customer: But I see you carry these cards for twenty dollars.

Me: Yes, but since you got that card for free, that is, you didn't pay anything for it, in the event of an exchange, it's a zero dollar item. You'd pay $40 for the MemoryStick that works in your camera.

Customer: But if the card costs twenty dollars, I'd only pay twenty more, right?

Me: No, you're not listening to me. Since you got the card for free, a new card would not be forty minus twenty, it would be forty minus zero.

Customer: So why should I bother returning the card?

Me: Good question.

My mind: Because downtown's a bunch of fuck ups?

* * *

Hey, look who's posting again! Now, I actually had a legit reason for not posting in the past three months, and that's because my power supply in the Compaq died. And have you ever tried getting a proprietary part for a six-year-old machine?

No, I just replaced the bugger. Nice new system, too. Dual core processor, 2 gigs of memory, 320 gigs of hard drive space, and a spiffy case that's got enough fans to generate electricity for the block. It's going to be pretty hard to ruin this power supply...

Yes, I had limited access while I was without a computer, but seriously, I was using that time to write promos for Kyle Roberts. The guy needs wins.

But I'm back now, and I'm-a gonna hit the sack for a bit of a nap. Expect more posts. Not crazy overcompensating posting, but enough to keep the people who read me somewhat happy. Or, at least, happier than they were when I disappeared for three months.

Apocalypse Kow - Fat Bottomed Girl

2007-03-14T23:16:00.001-06:00

Yes, I'm aware that the ends of these songs are being cut off. I have to ask Barber Senior what that's about. Also, ignore the video/audio discrepancies.

Apocalypse Kow - Under the Boardwalk

2007-03-14T22:57:00.001-06:00

Spruce Grove Canada Day Celebration

Apocalypse Kow - Wicked Game

2007-03-14T22:56:00.001-06:00

Gil on lead. Ignore the speeding up, it happens every now and then...

Streaming Kow!

2007-03-14T22:49:00.000-06:00

Looks like Barber Senior was able to upload some Apocalypse Kow videos from last year's Canada Day celebrations. Enjoy.

An Open Letter to That Jackass On 170 St.

2007-03-14T22:19:00.000-06:00

Hi, remember me? That guy driving in front of you that you decided to honk at seven times to try to make me drive faster?

What the hell's your deal, idiot? If I'm driving the speed limit, there's no freakin' reason that you should try to rush me on the Whitemud onramp. Fifty's fine considering we're just getting out of winter weather, and everything's strating to thaw out but isn't quite done dry yet.

Ever take science in high school, braintrust? Negative Celsius temperatures make for icy roads./ Trust me on this, I almost skidded out on the Fox Drive cloverleaf the night before. So for you to be honking at me in these conditions aren't going to do shit to make me go any faster.

Geez, you're still doing it? What kind of loser are you? Have you noticed I'm driving a Ford Escort? You are aware they're wimpy cars, right? A small engine, no acceleration? What makes you think I'm going to boot it right out of the gate? Eighty's the limit on the freeway, not the onramp. What the hell kind of idiot are you? Sure, keep on honking. I'm still accelerating at my Escort speed, not your penis enhancement. That's right. Ride my bumper. I'd have given you the finger, but I'm pretty sure you'd take it the right way.

Oh, hey, passing me's an option, isn't it? Too bad the other cars are going the exact same speed as me. Sucks to be you, doesn't it?

Bite me.

Sincerely, Jago

* * *

Seriously? December 16th? Wow. I mean, I know that Christmas was insane for me, but I had a week vacation where I could have been posting and everything. Oh, right. E-wrestling.

I don't want whatever readers that still have hope that I post promptly to feel bad about this, but remember how this blog was a good way for me to keep my writing chops honed? Well, I've got the NAPW for that now. Because I'm usually posting a good two or three times a week, with more writing thrown in for good measure. I'm not closing down this blog, because, hey, it's still a good way to vent. And I understand how you want more content from me. Like how are my concerts doing? Well, they're good. I enjoy them immensely. How's Kow doing? If we're getting gigs every month and going to places like Millet to perform, I'm thinking we're on the path to more success, so that's good. Vidoe Games Live? That was awesome. Thanks for asking. How's the job? The job is the job. Annoyances everywhere, to the point where I'm afraid they'd just get repetitive story-wise.

How's the e-wrestling? Super-fun with the new direction my wrestler, Kyle Roberts, took. He turned on Bruce Richards, Devin's wrestler, for a singles career, and man it's fun being an absolute jerk. The New and Improved D-X is dead, but we had a hell of a ride. Five time tag champs. Other trophies from other feds. D-X hardly did wrong, but it was time to change it up a bit, and this new storyline has certainly done that.

How's the love life? NO FURTHER QUESTIONS!

It's cool, just hang out here, relax, and let's cross our fingers that I return soon.

An Open Letter to West Edmonton Mall Patrons

2006-12-26T19:41:00.000-07:00

Um, hi. How the hell did you get in the store? We're closed. We have been since six.

Yes, we're closed. What, you think that the two inches that the door is open means that we're ready and willing to serve you? Having a closed door isn't enough a deterrent for you? Seriously, are all you WEM patrons that fucking stupid where a closed door simply means open it and walk right in to the furrowed glares of employees? No, I could care less. My frown and repeated statement "We're closed!" doesn't faze you? Seriously, are you that retarded? What, the first three times I shouted it don't clue you in?

Why are you approaching the counter? After all that, you're still expecting me to help? It's an hour past when the store closed! Why the hell would I help you? I could care less about your cell phone not working to call overseas. PayGos don't DO that! So it's MY fault you don't understand how a calling card works? Please, I just want to go home. I've been here since 8 am. That's right, the tills are closed. I'm trying to get home. So's my manager. You're leaving? Thank you.

No! We're closed! Don't shove your head in the door, and ask! I told you three times! Yes, we open at ten tomorrow. Yes, those sales will still be on tomorrow. But not tonight. I'm not going to ring anything in for you, and I'm CERTAINLY not going to help you out of the goodness of my heart. Dude, even if you came in earlier, I still wouldn't want to help you. I stopped wanting to help people today before we opened the store. Because I'm still trying to remember my happy Christmas day off yesterday. No, "we're closed" does not mean, "ask me one question." Fuck. Fine. What's your fucking question?

No, you're kidding me. Asking me "How fast do these cars go" is not one question. Why not? Because that stack of cars includes fifteen different models. It's seven o'clock, I'm not going to answer that. Come in when we're actually fucking open. No. We closed an hour ago. Now, just leave, will you?

Fuck! Why the fuck are you in the store? No, the only reason the door was open a foot was because this lamenuts opened the door. I'm not helping him, why the fuck should I help you? We. Are. Closed. No. I will not ring up one item for you. Leave. Tell you what, if you're so stupid to think a closed door is a good invitation, let's shove this computer cart in front of it. Why the hell are you going around my barricade? The fuck? What the fuck are all you shitheads thinking?

Sincerely,

Jago

Burnt out

2006-12-22T23:32:00.000-07:00

So my store is making record sales this year. L doesn't think we've ever done $30k in sales in one day before and this month, we've done it twice.

So that's good.

Unfortunately, we're doing it while being at least two people understaffed.

That's bad.

I'm pulling more than 52 hours a week at the store. One day off a week. And the other days? Well, there's at least one twelve-hour shift in there. Today I left the store at 11 pm.

I almost had a breakdown while closing tonight. And I'm not exaggerating here. I was counting the $11,000 in cash we made, and my thumb started becoming numb at the hundredth twenty-dollar bill. And I started chuckling because my thumb was cramping up from counting past one hundred bills. It was too funny, and it was all I could do to keep from breaking down crying because I'm so fucking burnt out now, it's pathetic.

My family will be hitting Calgary after Christmas. So there'll be a belated Christmas for the Dokken side of the family, and the first time I'll be able to see Dad since he got his new kidney. And I'm not sure if I'll be able to go after all. Because I don't think I'll be able to get the two days off I'd like. I don't think I'll be able to get two days off period. And one day to drive to Calgary, visit the family, exchange gifts and drive back the same day? No fucking way.

I need to sleep. Or try to keep my mind off of it by playing some sweet, sweet Zelda. Just needed to rant.

This Is A Test

2006-12-14T00:11:00.000-07:00

Now, I just bought myself a spiffy new digicam, which should make for Kyle having more fun posting again.

Tonight, Kow went to Barber's house to decorate gingerbread houses for our Kristmas Kabaret. We'll be auctioning off the houses for the Kidney Foundation, and to make things fun, let's make it a bit of a contest on my blog, shall we?

All you have to do is guess which member of Kow made which house, okay?

Here are the houses.

Excuses

2006-12-10T22:15:00.000-07:00

52 hours of work per week.
Concerts, concerts, concerts!
My days and nights off go towards concert or rehearsals for concerts.
Zelda and all things Wii-related.
Writing wrestling promos.
Corner Gas Season 3.
Comic books.
My last day off was yesterday, where I performed in two concerts for Oran. The last day off before that? Two weeks ago Sunday, where I was out of town with Oran for a weekend-long retreat.

These are a few of the excuses I use for not updating my blog as much as I could. Yes, they're excuses. I hate not updating if only for the simple fact that my stories get backlogged, and I don't feel up to making monster posts to explain everything that's been happening to me.

At least, not until I get out of the Christmas Hell that is WEM during December. And maybe not even then.

But for now? Story.

For the past two years, my dad has had kidney problems. And I mean "dialysis thrice a week" problems. So he was on a transplant list.

Members of our family offered to donate a kidney. My Aunt Kim tried the tests, but was rejected. Mom was next, and was in the midst of tests when I decided I'd be a live donor for Dad.

Those of my friends I told said I was brave, but it was no biggie. It's my dad we're talking about. Although when I did some tests in July, I was unnerved to see thirteen vials awaiting my blood lined up on the counter.

After that? Nothing. Not a peep for two months. But when Mom called to see what the deal was, I apparently was the best live donor we had. So, yeah, I took the plunge. More tests.

But first, a phone call from the Live Donor Program from University Hospital. "Do you have life insurance? Get some. Do you have a family doctor? Get one."

Okay, NOW I was getting scared. Although I realized that the family doc was for checkups after the fact, and they recommended I get the insurance because if I applied with only one kidney, my premiums would be huge.

But so I booked an appointment with a doctor, and looked into insurance. Two months ago, I got a call from my sister.

"Dad found a kidney."

"Yeah? It wasn't mine, then."

"No, he's going into surgery tonight." When Saskatchewan finds recently deceased kidneys, you're got a half hour to decide whether you want it or not. Dad took it, and drove to Saskatoon.

So, the kidney transplant was successful, Dad's recovering and is able to go back to his regular diet. ("I can have butter on my popcorn again? Joy!") And I'm still with two kidneys.

My ego was a bit disappointed, though. I couldn't be a hero if I wasn't donating to my dad. And I certainly couldn't take disability leave for two months to recuperate from surgery. And where would be my nonchalant "Yeah, I donated a kidney to my dad" to woo the ladies?

Although I'm no longer a donor for my dad, Apocalypse Kow will be donating money from our Kristmas Kabaret this Friday to the Kidney Foundation of Canada. (Whoo! Master of segues!)

There's the poster, designed by our own Mr. Woo. (Click to enlarge.) You might see these as you walk down Whyte Ave. this week.

But, yeah, come one, come all! It'll be fun! And Jago's got a voice! (knocks wood)

Concert Announcements

2006-11-15T11:47:00.001-07:00

Okay, I'm sorry for neglecting this blog yet again. In a day or two, I will actually write up two stories, the story of my stolen car and the story of my undonated kidney. But right now, as I've got to hit work soon, I'll just tell you about the concerts that Kow and Òran have coming up in the near future.

Thursday, November 23:

VOICES FOR HOSPICES 2006

A BENEFIT CONCERT EVENT IN AID OF HOSPICE & PALLIATIVE CARE

Both Kow and Òran will be singing at this one, a fundraiser held at the Winspear. Tickets are $25, but the money goes to a good cause. Tickets available through the Winspear.
http://www.pilgrimshospice.ca/ for the full rundown.

Tuesday, November 21:

Òran/Kokopelli's got their Dessert Concert, also held at the Winspear. Oran will be singing a few songs here, and it's some good stuff.

6:00 PM, Winspear Centre Lobby (9720 102 Ave.)
Tickets $18 Adults, $15 Students/Seniors available through Tix on the Square 420-1757.
The main fundraising event of the season for Kokopelli and Òran, this promises to be a fun evening in an elegant venue as we kick start fund-raising for our summer tour to Southern Africa.

Saturday, December 9:

WINTERSONG
2:00 PM & 7:00 PM, McDougall United Church (10025 101 St.)
Tickets available through Tix on the Square www.tixonthesquare.com or 420-1757.
After a two-year hiatus from presenting our own holiday season concert, Kokopelli and Òran are excited to bring you a program of music of the season both traditional and new, with special instrumental guests from the community.
It's our full lineup, a bigger concert than what you'd hear at the Dessert Concert.

And, of course,

Friday, December 15:

The Fifth Annual Apocalypse Kow Kristmas Kabaret!

We found a venue (The Cosmopolitan Music Society - 8426 Gateway Blvd.), we've got a time (7:00 pm), and we've got some guests all lined up to entertain you.

Tickets are $10 with a food bank donation ($11 without), and part of the proceeds will be going to the Kidney Foundation of Canada. Tickets available through any Kow member.

And with that, I shower!

I think we both lose...

2006-09-20T18:46:00.000-06:00

Pop quiz for those of you who still tune into my blog even with horribly infrequent updates: (To you who don't have it, I really recommend some RSS reader, like Sage for Firefox. It saved my blog-viewing life.)

Which one of these people is nerdier?

The man who buys the custom license plate "NCC-1701" (which, for those of you playing at home, is the ship number of the starship Enterprise) and uses it on his car, or the guy who recognizes the significance of that license plate when driving behind him?

Fringe Journal 2k6: Day 1 - Revenge of Parenthetical Statements!

2006-08-18T23:12:00.000-06:00

So, Kow just finished our first performance, and man, was it a performance!

Our first Fringe concert is always a bit of a gamble. We're nervous, ready to see what this year's festival will bring, lost a bit of our tight timing (it takes a few shows for us to get into the groove), etc. Well, I'm happy to announce that this was probably Kow's best Fringe opener!

We had a pretty prime timeslot on the bigger, better stage (9:10 pm), and when we arrived, there was, like, eight people max sitting there waiting for us. Granted, it's the first full day of Fringe, and the sky looks like rain, so who knows what will happen? By the time we finished Fat Bottomed Girls, we had a good crowd of at least 250, so I was relieved.

Our new songs got some good receptions. (Yes, we have new songs. No, I'm not going to tell you, because you're gonna have to COME SEE OUR SHOW to find out.) I was afraid during one or two songs when the audience was dead silent, but the applause that followed showed that we just had them in the palm of Kow's collective hand.

So, yeah, we had a good crowd that enjoyed us to start off our Fringe 2006 experience. Now we just have to remember that 45 minutes is NOT that much time to throw as many songs in there as we wanted to. (We had to cut two songs from the set list while onstage, so people missed the awesomeness that is SuperMariopella. Lesson for the next show!)

During this week's rehearsal on Monday, the phone rang, and I answered it in the middle of us going over a song. It was my friend Shelley, who lives here in town, but who I know from MJ through First Baptist. She asked when our show was on Friday, and I told her. She said, "Great. We'll be there. (Kow singing too loudly for me to hear the phone)'s in town, so we'll come to see you."

Me: "Cool. See you then."

Keep in mind that I didn't actually know who was coming along with Shelley. I thought it would be her sisters, perhaps. So it was a shock when Tanya J. came by after the show. I haven't seen her in a good five, maybe six years, since my trips back home since I started living in Edmonton permanently have consisted of MAYBE a weekend max for family stuff like weddings or deathwatches. But so for Tanya to see Kow was an awesome surprise for me, because, hell, if she could have seen any show we'd done, a good opener's a good one to see. (Just like at my brother Brade's wedding, where a good half of my extended family hasn't seen Kow perform, like, for instance, my brother himself. Also, the family he married into were first time Kowboys and Kowgirls. (That's right. I'm naming our fans that now. Just try to stop me.))

Also, while some banter needed work, I was a huge fan of Dev's and my exchange after one hugely awesome version of At Last (Whoops. I just revealed a new song. Dammit!):

Me: Wow. That was just so SEXY.
Dev: It's a good thing I'm on this side of the stage, then.
Me: Dude, I would totally go through three guys for that. (Laughter from the crowd.) Wait, that came out TOTALLY wrong. (Louder laughter from the crowd.)

So, there's our first day. Hope all of our concerts over the next week are as successful. And if I haven't seen you there, I damn well better before the 28th hits!

Back from hiatus (dot) (dot) (dot) (question mark)

2006-08-18T16:59:00.000-06:00

Wow. What a summer it is so far. My bro got married, Dev and I won our NAPW tag titles back after a lengthy non-champ run, I'm back at WEM Lower, I saw the box-office sensation Snakes on A Plane last night, and we all know what time it is now, right? Edmonton Fringe Festival!

But first, an open letter to the guy cruising down Whyte Avenue at 4:45 pm -

Dude, you've gotta know that regardless of your sweet car, the summer air and you and your toned friend's girl-getting moves, I'm not going to take you seriously if your thumping car stereo is playing Third Eye Blind's "Semi-Charmed Life," right? Right?

So, this being the opening day of Fringe, I'm throwing my hat back into the blogging community. "Sure," you say. "Just like December? Or March? Or June?"

Yes, I've burned you before, with my NAPW writing taking precedence. Maybe I'll just tend to keep my lengthy posts quick and to the point. But I'll start things off with the annual "Jago's Fringe Blog" starting with our concert tonight.

If you haven't seen Dev's or Canton's blogs, or Astro's emails with the times of our marathon showlist this year (16 shows, at least one per day, every day!), here it is once more:

Friday, August 18
9:10 PM Journal Outdoor Stage

Saturday, August 19
1:15 PM TransAlta Power Stage
4:00 PM Journal Outdoor Stage

Sunday, August 20
2:20 PM TransAlta Power Stage
6:40 PM Journal Outdoor Stage

Monday, August 21
6:35 PM TransAlta Power Stage

Tuesday, August 22
10:15 PM Journal Outdoor Stage

Wednesday, August 23
6:40 PM Journal Outdoor Stage

Thursday, August 24
1:20 PM Journal Outdoor Stage
6:20 PM TransAlta Power Stage

Friday, August 25
12:15 PM TransAlta Power Stage
6:15 PM TransAlta Power Stage

Saturday, August 26
4:15 PM Journal Outdoor Stage
9:25 PM TransAlta Power Stage

Sunday, August 27
12:05 PM TransAlta Power Stage

Apocalypse Kow Show!

2006-06-13T22:07:00.000-06:00

Edmonton a cappella quintet Apocalypse Kow is recording their first CD, and you're invited to help them out!

On Saturday, June 24th, at the Knox Metropolitan Church, Apocalypse Kow hosts a show that will be recorded for the purposes of making their first album.

Apocalypse Kow has been around since 1997, when all the members met through the University of Alberta Mixed Chorus. Since then, Kow's been seen busking around Edmonton, and they’ve been featured guests in the Carnival of Shrieking Youth, participants in multiple Northern Harmony competitions (Alberta's "Battle of the A Cappella Bands"), and most notably, had their own outdoor stage show in the past three Fringe theatre festivals. Last year, Kow was honoured to be the hosts of the World Masters Games "Party in the Park," where they entertained an audience constisting of athletes from around the world.

Apocalypse Kow has been trying to record an album for quite a few years, now, but technical difficulties keep getting in the way. But this year, they really want to get a CD out for the fans that have been asking for one for the past eight years now. So they decided that a live CD was better than none.

At this concert, Apocalypse Kow has asked John McMillan and Jennifer Kinghorn to participate as well. Aside from being a member of Canada’s premier nose flute ensemble, Jennifer accompanies many choir ensembles, such as Oran, the Brail Tones, Kokopelli, and Operanuova. She recently completed her diploma in Music Composition at MacEwan College, and sings with local a cappella jazz ensemble, Tapas. John McMillan is also a graduate of MacEwan’s Music Composition program, and recently returned from the University of Toronto, where he studied jazz voice. He conducts the FORM vocal jazz ensemble and is the artistic director of “Happnin,” the U of A vocal jazz ensemble. Besides directing choirs, John is in demand as a performer, conductor, composer, arranger, teacher and clinician.

The concert takes place as Knox Metropolitan Church (8307 109 St) at 7:00 pm, doors open at 6:30 pm. Tickets are $10 in advance and at the door. For more information, call Kyle or Stan at 439-5799.

Concert Alert!

2006-05-15T09:09:00.000-06:00

This Saturday, May 20th, come see the choir that Kokopelli managed to bring in from Namibia for a month tour, Mascato!

I've got in my hands 12 tickets, six for the 2 pm show, six for the 7 pm show. Adults go for $16, Students/Seniors are $13, and Children from 6-12 are $8.

You'll see Mascato, which is one awesome chamber choir from Africa, along with Kokopelli and Oran.

The show takes place at West End Christian Reform Church (10015 149 St), and tickets are pretty much sold out.

So, if you can get a hold of me, I can get you some tickets for one sweet show!

And now off to work.

2006-04-19T01:27:00.000-06:00

Is anyone doing anything next Wednesday (the 26th)? Does anyone WANT to accompany me to the Small Sins (formerly The Ladies and Gentlemen) concert at the Starlite Room?

Because I'm going. Thom d'Arcy and friends ROCK the JOINT! (Here's the review of the last time I saw them...)

2006-04-18T18:50:00.000-06:00

Also, how could I forget about this? Jordan Jose Elek Rivero was born last Monday. I'm a pseudo-uncle! Now if only I knew Astro's Photobucket address so I could link to all the baby pics!

Congrats, Joel and Anita!

Odd Transformations 31... OR IS IT???

2006-04-18T17:44:00.000-06:00

So I went home for Easter. It was a very fun time. Loads of food from my parents (Friday: Steak. Saturday: Turkey. Sunday: Steak. Again. Not that I mind. Monday: Homemade hamburgers.), hanging out with Braden and his fiancee, silly pics taken at Mac the Moose for my e-fed friends, and a trip to the set of Corner Gas.

Now, Corner Gas isn't currently filming, but of course, the sets are all up and in some cases, boarded up. And a lot of local Rouleau buildings act as sets, so it's not like they tear THOSE down! Still, once Kow goes to Moose Jaw for Brade's wedding, I'm sure I'll take Canton and others who want to go for a proper tour, when they ARE filming.

Here's me at the actual, boarded up set.

When it comes to my dream, I had one on Monday morning. When I woke up, I realized that I wouldn't be able to post promptly, since my sister was sleeping in the computer room. So I used the whiteboard beside the telephone to make notes and then went back to sleep.

Now, lots of dreams escape in that period where you just wake up, and this was no exception. Good thing I took notes! But my heart dropped when I read the notes:

HORROR FILM
- Demon attacking
- Killed by a possessed Durgrlwrw

Yup, I was sleepy when writing, and I couldn't figure out the last word. It took me five minutes of trying to decipher it! But I remembered, sort of.

Now, I'm not sure if I was killed by a possessed D-word, or if it was the demon. However, the word I had trouble figuring out was "Dagwood."

Yes, something was killed by a possessed Dagwood sandwich. The one that gained fame from the Blondie comic. Yes. A monster sandwich turned, well, monstrous.

* * *

Otherwise, not much going on. Went to Metric last week with Dev, Marky and Dustin. Fun concert, although I'm very happy I managed to finangle earplugs from a security guard. And, as Dev said, the encore is a LITTLE long when they play Dead Disco for 18 minutes.

Now, if only I could get a lead on Death Cab/Franz Ferdinand tickets...

Odd Transformations 30: Coming home

2006-04-04T11:01:00.000-06:00

My school's having its 75th anniversary reunion in July. Unfortunately, due to Kow singing at my brother's wedding the week afterwards, I don't think I'll be able to make it to the celebrations. Regardless of if I can go or not, my mind decided to take me there in the midst of sleep this morning.

Kow decided to take a bus full of Peacock alum to get to Moose Jaw. When we got there, the celebration was in full swing, and the rest of Kow melted away while I went to be part of these celebrations in my old high school auditorium. There was a talent show, that I might have been a part of, I can't remember. My friend kingston did an act that got straight zeros from the audience.

My old drama teacher LJ was the MC for the night, and he got into a fight with some teens who were tuning up for their rock band portion of the show.

Odd dream.

* * *

So I had a week of vacation last week, one where I just decided to stay in town and rest. It was fun, and I've still go another week to burn before the end of April, so I'm heading to Moose Jaw for a few days over Christmas.

Inventory was last Sunday and I was at the store for 16 hours! Whee! Apparently, I wasn't there for all of the fun, like when the computer broke and lost a good chunk of stock numbers (I went in to sell Dev his shiny new MP3 toy for about an hour or so on Thursday), or when that finally got fixed, the inventory was all out of sync.

I went back to work yesterday to find a whole bunch of things that hadn't been fixed (the sale that ended last week not taken down, old flyers in the flyer basket, etc.) and the store the temperature of a sauna. We called maintenance and they went on the roof to clear out our vents or something, because we finally had ventilation in the store in the afternoon. Other than that, it was a VERY slow day at work. Marky's taking some time off in between my two vacations, and I think he deserves it with him working his ass off. Every time we think we get to relax, there's a threat of a store visit by the new boss of the company, or inventory, of threat of a visit by the old boss. Sigh.

The reason I rarely hit the clubs...

2006-03-26T00:47:00.000-07:00

First off, today was the Mixed Chorus concert.

Beforehand, Dev, MFJ, Astro and wife, Justice and wife, and I went to L'Azia's for dinner. I love L'Azia's. Such good food, and more than just the Asian fusion cuisine they're known for. I had myself an awesome steak. It was the first time in a while that we had ALl gotten together, but Justice was determined to have us hang out, to the point of setting a time every month since January, only to finally have today settled upon before we realized it was the night of the concert.

But, hey, we're all alums of the chorus, except for Justice's wife, the Talkative One. So we decided to just go for dinner beforehand.

The concert was decent. Nothing really stood out to me, except for one song with a harp. I enjoyed the second half more than the first, and the choir didn't really seem to be giving it all they've got. They were holding it in. And it showed. But all in all? Good.

But tonight was ALSO the Oran pub crawl. Astro really wanted to go, and I thought it'd be fun to hit one of the places they were going to before coming back and hopefully having rest before tomorrow's inventory at the store. (We start at 8 am. When do we finish? Who the hell knows? WHEEEE!) The bad part? The location that party was at (since it was a crawl, they were at club 3 of 4 or something) the Union. Now the Union's a typical club for Edmonton: Lots of young folk, half-dressed female staff, pumping loud music. And crowded as hell.

Astro and I get in without worrying about cover (God bless the pub crawl party reservation), and manage to locate our Oran friends. Since we were at the UAMC concert beforehand, we were also two of the best-dressed guys at that place. I'm soaking in my surroundings (such a gaudy club) and observing the friends already on the dance floor when I get kicked in the head.

Yes. Kicked! In the head! (Snakes! On a plane!) I only realized it when my glasses were pushed halfway across my face. A guy at the bar was swinging his girlfriend around (in a very crowded bar) and her foot caught me in the temple. The guy asks if we're cool, and I shoot him a dirty look before saying that everything's fine.

So it became my catchphrase in the bar:

"Hey! Jago! How are you doing?"

"I'm so hardcore, I was kicked in the face!"

"What? When?"

"I dunno. Five minutes ago?"

Astro and I get some beers and travel to the dance floor in search of some of our friends. I'm pretty decent at travelling through crowds. My height really helps me locate people in a crowded room, and I'm big enough that I can cut my way through a bunch of people pretty easily and not jostle them to the point of being pissed off.

Halfway to our group, I hear someone mutter to her friend, "Hey, can you pinch that guy's ass for me?" At which point, someone decides to take a pound of flesh from my posterior.

To be honest, I was so intent on getting to people I knew in this place, that I completely ignored whoever decided to pinch my ass. Didn't turn around with a scowl, didn't anything. Just kept on slicing through the dance floor to get to my destination.

So, was the pinch enough of a good thing to counteract the "kicked in the face" part? Well, I could say it was Schrodinger's Girl, and that she could have been either hot or not-so. But I'm not sure if even a very good-looking girl would be worth the fact that I could HEAR HER GIVE INSTURCTIONS to her friend, and that it wasn't exactly something that'd make me say, "Your place or mine?"

Unless, you know, I knew them.

It brings up another story that happened a few years ago with Canton and one very cute soprano in the Mixed Chorus:

I forget the context of this story, but I'm pretty sure it was at least the three of us hanging around, and Canton, EB and I were shooting the bull. Somehow, the conversation turned into how much guys like getting their asses grabbed, and Canton said, "Jago doesn't like getting his ass grabbed."

EB: Oh, really?

Canton: Nah, watch.

And Canton grabs my ass. Of course, I know how to play this up and I frown, furrowed brow and all.

EB: That can't be right. Let me try.

And she does. And I smile.

Canton: Wow. That's never happened before.

Canton grabs my ass, and I scowl. And repeat, Canton not figuring out that it's not so much me getting my ass grabbed that makes me angry, so much as it's when it's not being grabbed by a hot girl.

And with that, I'm off to bed. Whoo! Inventory!

Getting back into the swing.

2006-03-19T22:01:00.000-07:00

Don't worry. This isn't going to be Jago Ranting Quarterly. I'm alive.

So, last week, I was minding the store on a slow Friday morning. An older gentleman came in, looking for some compressed air. I showed him what we had.

"How much is it," he asks.

"Ten dollars," I reply.

So when I tell him it'll be $10.70 at the till including taxes, he almost blows up at me!

"You told me it was ten dollars!"

"Well, yes, before taxes, sir."

"How much is that?"

"Seven per cent, sir. Same as always."

"The government was supposed to lower that!"

I wasn't going to go into how that was just a promise that the Conservatives made, and that in a minority government, it'll be hard to get that ratified, since I didn't want to get into an argument about that. So I just shrugged.

"The government, always lying," he said. "If we were in Norway, there'd be only one way we deal with liars: The firing squad!"

In my mind: "Um, what?"

"It doesn't matter if he'd be the prime minister. If he lied, firing squad!"

"Oh."

Now, I've never been to Norway, but it's the largest slice of my heritage. (My Grandpa Dokken's family was from there.) And I'm pretty sure capital punishments by way of executions aren't really the way things work there anymore. But this gentleman was old, so who knows? All I could do was listen as he talked about firing squads for ANY offense.

In any case, he buys the compressed air and leaves.

Now I was opening on Saturday by myself, and managed to miss my alarm and sleep in until 9:45. The store opens at ten. So I hurriedly dressed, didn't shower, and drove as fast as I could to work. I got there to open at about 10:10. A half hour later, guess who walks in?

"I'm here to return this air. It doesn't work."

I figure out that the old man just didn't take off the plastic safety latch, but he already bought a new can from the Sony Store.

"You weren't open at ten," he said. I did say that we did open late, but I didn't bring up the fact that it was my fault for sleeping in. For all I knew, there might only be one sort of punishment for tardiness in Norway: FIRING SQUAD!

So what subject does he get into again? Yup, you guessed it. After I returned his money, he left, but not after telling me about his favourite form of recreation. (Well, no, instead, he talked about the FIRING SQUAD!)

Sometimes, you meet the strangest people...

Adam

2006-03-19T12:17:00.000-07:00

Before I get back into a very-much-more constant habit of updating, I'm going to post first about something that just happened this week.

My cousin took his own life.

Adam and I were pretty close back as kids, since we were the two oldest boys on the Dokken side. Whenever my family would visit Red Deer, or they would come to Moose Jaw for some lake time or Christmas, we'd hang out. Playing Lego, Scotland Yard, Uno. You know, fun times with cousins back when you're a kid.

When we became teenagers, we kind of drifted apart. I was into my own thing: jazz choirs, plays, and the like. He got into music like Pink Floyd (one of the more overrated rock bands, in my opinion) and Skinny Puppy. He started going goth, listening to Nine Inch Nails (which, at the time for me, was a huge dark thing). He went to raves in his twenties.

Once I moved to Edmonton, the opportunity was there for us to hang out, since we now lived a lot closer to each other. For some reason or another, we never did. I'd hear things about him from the cousins I did see or my parents. We'd see each other very infequently, like ships passing in the night, a Christmas dinner every few years.

He got into cooking, which is a pretty big trait for some Dokken family members. He was able to help Aunt Marian and Uncle Cliff prepare some delicious meals.

The last time I heard about Adam was right before this Christmas. He had checked into the Fantasyland Hotel with a duffle bag. And then missed his check-out time. So the housekeeping found him unconscious in his hotel room.

Apparently, he was working as a pharmacy tech, stole a bunch of drugs from his workplace, and checked into his hotel. He overdosed on the drugs, and went into a coma.

This was a pretty big shock to me. While we never talked about his drug use, I suspected it might be the case. Hopefully, this would shock him into finding a way out of his depression, his addictive habits. Hopefully, he would find what he's looking for and power out of this spiral.

This week, at some point, Adam overdosed again. He didn't wake up this time.

The funeral's on Wednesday.

My parents were trying to get a hold of me to tell me this yesterday, but I was at work. After coming come from V for Vendetta last night to celebrate Canton's birthday, I noticed my sister online, so I asked her if she knew why Mom and Dad were trying to contact me.

EJ: Yeah, this isn't something for Messenger. I'll call you.

So she told me the news. I felt kind of hollow, empty, about hearing it. No tears came. After Christmas, this wasn't a big shock to me anymore.

It wasn't until writing this part that the tears started to flow. I can hardly see the keyboard now.

Adam, I'm going to miss you. You had such potential. (Okay, I'm back. Had to step away for a while.) Now there'll never be a chance to reconcile. No more being able to taste what you cooked for the family dinner.

A friend told me that he hopes Adam can find what he's looking for now. Without trying to sound too harsh (since I can't even begin to fathow what would make someone want to take their own life), I don't think that's possible.

The funeral's on Wednesday.

I'll be trying to kick myself into a regular posting schedule afterwards.

Back to bitching about work...

2006-01-28T18:49:00.000-07:00

So this morning, I answer the phone to have a guy ask me about the USB Christmas trees we carry.

Me: Yeah, I got some in stock.

Man: And I hear they're discounted?

Me: No, they're ten dollars each.

Man: I was talking to a girl at Westmount, and she said that any store would be able to give me a deal on those.

Me: Well, it's really manager's discretion. That would be something my boss would have to clear. What the girl promised you at Westmount would usually only apply to that store. it's a case by case basis.

Man: Is L there?

Me: No, L's the manager of the store downstairs. M's the manager here.

Man: Okay. I'll just get the phone number to downstairs.

Me: Certainly. Here you go.

No problems, right? Fast forward three minutes...

I answer the phone.

Woman: Hi, I'm the wife of the customer who just called about Christmas trees.

Me: Okay.

Woman: I'd like to speak to your manager.

Me: I'm the assistant manager.

Woman: I'm wanting to get the number to head office because of how you treated us.

Me: (starting to bristle) Pardon?

Woman: The last time I called head office, they told me whatever one store promised, the others would honour.

(I'm pretty sure that's bullshit. The hairs on my neck stand.)

Me: As I told your husband, that's completely at the manager's discretion.

Woman: Well, it's kind of convenient that your managers aren't here. L's not downstairs, M's not there, the girl I was talking to at Westmount isn't working today.

(Because, I thought, they've OBVIOUSLY left to spite you, bitch.)

Me: I'm sorry, ma'am, if that's what Westmount wants to do for you, that's something only Westmount will do for you.

Woman: Give me your head office's number. If you're not willing to do it for me now, you'll do it when they tell you to.

I start vibrating in anger. Seriously.

Me: Here you go. This is my district office's number. If you really want these trees at the price that Westmount told you, I could always send them out to Westmount.

Woman: You can do that?

Me: If Westmount asks for them, yes. You'd have to have them bring them in for you.

Woman: So I couldn't ask you to?

Me: No, it'd have to be them. (Well, that's not true. I could've sent them out if you didn't decide to anger me. But too bad. Not helping you now.)

Woman: I'm calling head office.

Me: If you feel that's best.

At that point I would have hung up, but she kept on irritating me, leaving me to fume and vibrate in silence, because if I had opened my mouth at that point, I would have given the bitch something to complain about. But, man, after I put down the phone, I was needing to let out some anger, let me tell you...

By the Numbers: My Car

2006-01-27T21:56:00.000-07:00

First off, does anyone know how to get frosting out of one's nose?

Yes, thank you, I've tried blowing my nose. And I know the main question by you, my audience, is "How did frosting get INTO my nose in the first place?" I dare you to eat a CinnZeo cinnamon bun and not get something like this happening. Yes, as a rule, only one orifice should admit sugar into it, but give me a break, eh? My nose is THAT big!

* * *

I've been the owner of a car for a solid year now. A few days ago marked the one year anniversary of me getting my plates and insurance and being legitimately able to drive.

When my parents asked me last year (before last Christmas) if I'd use a car if they bought me one, I said, "Oh HELL yes!" Since I was working downtown at the time, there was no way on earth I'd drive it to work, but outside of that? Having a car in Edmonton is very handy.

So they bought me one for Christmas. Nothing fancy, and anyone who's been reading my journal since last year knows most of the stories about me getting used to life with a car again. Bob (dF) had a car he was willing to sell, and my parents had two grand. Jago got a car.

Irony of ironies, a few days after I started driving, I was transferred to a store other than Ed Centre (which, of course, is a big shock for anyone who's tried placing me down at one store or another...), and had to start using the car for commuting to work.

Well, I didn't HAVE to, but it sure beat the bus.

And so, after a year of driving again, there are some stats for your enjoyment:

Number of accidents I've had in the entirety of my driving career: For argument's sake, let's say 4. There were some close calls, but I remember 3 for sure back in MJ.

Number of accidents I've had with the Escort: 0

Number of times Dev has shouted or moaned while driving with me: A lot more than 0. (Dev: "A WHOLE lot more than zero!")

Number of kilometres I've put on the odometer (rounded off): 7,500.

The amount of gas my tank will hold: 40l.

Approximate mileage I get out of a full tank: 400km.

Furthest drive I've taken: Either my aunt's outside of Sherwood Park, or Gil's parents' place in Stony Plain.

Largest load: The trip I took to the airport with Jaso and Rachelle after Fringe. All of their suitcases filled with a week of clothes, as well as the entire set to Smile While You D.I.E.

Number of dings in my windshield: About six.

Highest price I paid for gas: $1.07/l (Yup, I managed to miss the week of $1.20)

Number of times my car has not started: 0

Number of times my car has overheated and died: 0

Number of tires that have blown: 1

Distance driven on one totally blown tire: 6 km

Number of days I have not had the car since I got it: 3

Number of days between my tire blowing and my bank account being able to afford the new tire: 3

Number of times I have not been able to park in my driveway due to the sheer amount of snow: 1

Number of times I have not been able to park in my driveway due to the sheer amount of cars in it: A lot more than one.

Number of times this has been my, Canton's, or Dev's fault: Maybe two.

Number of times this has been the downstairs guy's fault: Every time excluding two.

Number of months before I realized that I didn't know how to properly check the oil: 10.

Smallest margin of time between coolant fill-ups: 2 weeks.

Margin of time after the coolant ran out the seocnd time that I realized it was due to my oil being so low, it was past the "PLEASE FILL UP NOW" demarcation: 5 seconds.

Frequency of time between mutterings of "jackass" by me: 30 seconds.

Frequency of time between mutterings of "jackass" when Canton and I are in the McDonald's drive-thru: 3 seconds.

Time spent towards taking off the Roxy Boarding decal on my back windshield: 5 minutes.

Percentage of Roxy decal that's still on the car: 60%

Ratio of thanking the Lord for such a small car to cursing myself when I can't find the small car in WEM parking lots: 1:1

Number of times I've let Canton drive the car: 3

Days that go by where I don't curse myself for not getting new wipers: 0.

Times I've flipped from Sonic 102.9 to another radio station since March: 2.

Percentage of time where my stereo is either set on Sonic or a CD: 100.

Cost of insurance, 2005: $110 a month.

Cost of insurance, 2006 (according to girlone): $70 a month (WHOOO!)

Span of time from getting my car to having it replace my backback: 5 milliseconds.

That's about all I can think of right now.

* * *

So now's the time when Dev is seriously starting to plan the trip that he wants to make to Cleveland next year. And he wants Canton and I to go along with him on his trek to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Which I am in for. I mean, when's the last time I made a road trip with friends? A loong time. And when's the last time I've gone to Cleveland? Never. So, it's a goal to get to for next year.

* * *

Yes, yes, yes...I've been neglecting my journal.

Even though I was transferred to the other store in West Ed, it's been a lot of getting that store into shape, followed by the inventory we just did this past week.

But I'm not totally blaming work. Or sickness. Or video games.

Actually, the NAPW has been keeping me pretty busy lately. The wrestling e-fed I joined four months back? Yeah. I'm having fun doing promos as my superbad wrestler, and I was even roped into writing one or two matches a week.

So it's been an outlet for my creative writing that was previously lacking, and this journal's suffering for it. I'm going to try to get back into the blogging mindset, but I have no idea how much writing I feel like doing from one day to the next.

It's just, you know, how often can Jago rant about idiots at work? It was getting tiresome to write about day in and day out. I'll still post, and if something really gets my goat, sure i'll tear it up like the Jago of more free time typing out shit.

So, how about those Conservatives, huh?

* * *

Just so people are aware, my choir's big show will be happening on Feb. 11.

Kokopelli and Oran present: Stories.
Saturday, Feb. 11
Shows at 2 pm and 7 pm.
West End Christian Reformed Church (10015 149 St)
Adults: $16, Students/Seniors: $13

So, who's got tickets for sale? Me. If you want some, feel free to email me, leave a comment, or phone me. If you know me, you'll know how to get a hold of me. If you only know me through this outlet, shame on you. And email me here.

But, please, by all means, get your tickets for this soon. Last year, when Dev, Canton, MFJ and I went, the HUGE church was PACKED! Hence the two shows. But I'd like to see a crapload of you there...

Not dead. Just dead TIRED!

2005-12-30T23:40:00.000-07:00

And sick. Can't forget about the sick.

No, the journal has not been shut down by the company. It's just been a crazy assed two months.

Once the new year comes around, you'll see me post frequently again. You know, since I've been transferred again. To a slower store, which doesn't make me so tired after work that all I want to do is shut down.

Oh, I had laryngitis. Still do, to an extent. I have no singing voice.

But right now, it's time to sleep and ingest a lot of juice.

Night.

Placeholder post. It's concert season.

2005-12-02T18:29:00.000-07:00

So, what are you doing this Christmas season? Shopping for gifts? Decorating the house? Shovelling the walk? Why not take a breather during this busy season and join Edmonton a cappella group Apocalypse Kow as they host their Fourth Annual Kristmas Kabaret?

Since 2001, Apocalypse Kow has hosted Christmas charity shows to raise money for different causes around town. This year, they’ll be donating proceeds of their Kabaret to the Heart and Stroke Foundation of Canada and will be taking donations for the Edmonton Food Bank.

Every year, we try to get different sorts of acts to help us out, and this concert is no exception. The list of guests include:

TAPAS – A new a cappella group on the Edmonton scene, they captured third place at Northern Harmony 2005, Alberta’s “battle of the vocal groups.”

Father David Bittner, storyteller – Father Dave has participated in every Kabaret, reciting Christmas favourites.

Pavlov Improv – Members of the fledgling improv troupe will be on hand with some sketches for the holiday season.

Singer Jenny McKillop – Jenny, a graduate from Grant McEwan College’s Musical Theatre program, has performed in many venues around the city, and is a frequent participant in the Edmonton Fringe Festival.

Paul Wallace – Paul’s had his hand in many different parts of Edmonton’s arts scene: He’s an improviser, a juggler, a yo-yo artist, and co-founder of local comedy troupe The Wombats. We can only imagine what he’s thought up for this Kabaret.

With this pedigree of guests, the members of Apocalypse Kow are looking forward to one great show. The hosts have been popping up everywhere in town over the past few years, but most people know them from Northern Harmony performances and outdoor shows for the past three Fringe Festivals.

The Apocalypse Kow Kristmas Kabaret is happening on Saturday, December 17^th at B-Scene Studios (8212 104 St). Doors open at 7:15 pm, and the show starts at 7:30 pm.

Tickets cost $11 ($10 with the donation of a food item for the Edmonton Food Bank).

For more information or advance tickets, call Kyle or Stan at (780) 439.5799 or e-mail the group at kow@telus.net.

R.I.P. Eduardo Guerrero

2005-11-13T20:25:00.000-07:00

I was saddened today to find out that WWE wrestler Eddie Guerrero passed away in a hotel room in Minneapolis.

Eddie's been a favourite wrestler of mine since I got back into watching wrestling about eight years back. One of the funniest guys on the WWE roster, and one of the best heels in the business.

While I am saddened, I can just think back to all the good times I've had watching him, including the Ladder Match three years ago that occurred in Edmonton. I was a good fifteen feet away from the action, and he gave it his ALL.

So, I say this as many other people have over the past day:

Eddie Guerrero, you will be missed heavily.

'Tis Winter Now

2005-11-04T23:41:00.000-07:00

It's getting to be that time of year again. Snow fell while I was at work today.

* * *

Last night was the first concert of Oran's season. It also happened to be the first concert of mine with the group. It was a Silent Auction fundraiser held in the Winspear lobby.

Have I mentioned how much I love singing with Oran? Because I do. There's some seriously awesome music choices, and it's one of those choirs where you know that everyone's there because they want to sing.

Now I'll admit, there were some songs I don't think I was ready to have memorized. I was given a burnt CD of the selections we were doing, and that helped with quite a few of them. However, there was one Latin song (Tristis something something Anima Me - this pretty much tells you how well I know the words) whose lyrics just eluded me. The CD's version just doesn't have the lyrics taking center stage. I was fine with the bass part musically, but when it came to the dress rehearsal, I was faking the words like there was no tomorrow.

How can you fake Latin? Meh, it's just a matter of getting the vowels synched, really. In any case, Katy let us use music for that one, thank god.

Kokopelli, the sister choir of Oran, did an amazing job as well. There were a few magic songs I could hear from our position on the Winspear's third lobby balcony, and it was just beautiful how well they sang.

Oran really pulled it out as well. I've been having this disc in the car on rides to work nonstop for three weeks, and it really helped me out, I guess.

My highlight of the night was "There Will Be Rest." We spread out among the first few rows of audience in staggered formation, and it's one of those songs that really filled the space. There was one woman who kept on turning back to look at me on certain notes. And I wasn't singing them wrong, so that seems to be a good thing. Especially once she smiled at me after we finished the song.

Afterwards, a few of us went to Joey Tomato's for dinner. The coolest thing about dinner (other than how good it was) was Karla paying with her Visa (no, I pitched in, but she just used the Visa to cover the amount). The total came out to about $63, and she evened out the total to $70. When she was figuring out exactly what that would make the tip, we found out she gave the waitress a tip of $6.66.

IT'S THE TIP OF THE BEAST, I TELL YOU!

Cory was fretting. "Honey, please just add another cent on there or something. Don't leave it like that."

* * *

On Sunday, I go to my new store of West Edmonton Mall. As the assistant manager again. I enjoyed my month stint as a manager, I guess. Aside from the stress of taking over a store that had loss prevention problems and an old staff who had no clue what they were doing.

And from my end, I know what I have to work on as a manager, and it's being more of an ass when need calls for it, and being a lot cleaner. (Yeah, this is a recurring theme...)

But I think I'll enjoy my time at WEM. It's a big store, sales-wise, and they've got pretty experienced staff. And a very good manager.

* * *

The lyrics to a song we performed last night, and one I find pretty apt after the first noticeable snowfall of the season:

'Tis winter now: the fallen snow has left the heavens all coldly clear;
Through leafless boughs the sharp winds blow, And all the earth lies dead and drear.

And yet God's love is not withdrawn; His life within the keen air breathes;
His beauty paints crimson dawn, And clothes the boughs with glittering wreathes.

And though broad the sharp winds blow, And skies are chill, and frosts are keen,
Home closer draws her circle now, And warmer glows her light within.

O God! Who givest the winter's cold. As well summers joyous rays,
Us warmly in thy love enfold, And keep us on life's wintry days.

-Samuel Longfellow

The concert, and wrestling-ish news

2005-10-31T22:07:00.000-07:00

So yesterday was the Matthew Good concert, which happened to also be a Rogers Q4 Christmas training session/bash.

I arrived to find a whole bunch of friends, and people I knew from the company. It's interesting how two of the people I barely tolerated in stints at KGM became managers of Rogers Wireless stores.

We started by seeing Matt Good's warmup (although at first, I thought, is he giving a concert specifically to Rogers guys? Interesting.). Free liquor and food was the theme of the night. After the obligatory training half hour, we went downstairs to socialize (drink) some more.

A friend and I went up to see the opening act warmup, and I was surprised to see it was the Ladies and Gentlemen, whose new single "Stay" is quickly becoming the song I want to hear on Sonic most often. So I was hooked into hitting the upstairs along with the rest of the riffraff who WEREN'T Rogers VIP guests to watch them perform.

I think I was one of, like, two of over a hundred Rogers guests who actually went to the concert, instead of sitting downstairs, eating and taking advantage of the free drink tickets. (Don't get me wrong, I was as well, but I was all about seeing the Ladies and Gentlemen.)

And, man, what an opener. Five guys dressed all in white. A drummer, two keyboardists with two keyboards and a sampling machine, the lead singer/bassist and a guitarist.

The sound was a mixture of straight-out indie rock, 80s new wave, and a bit of electronica. It was awesome, and they really seemed to enjoy themselves onstage. I had to buy the album and a t-shirt.

I like the album a lot, but it's a lot different than their stage show. Mostly because the album was the lead singer with a whole bunch of sampling, as opposed to the full-fledged band that came out on tour. The album's very Postal Service-y, which is a genre I'm into. (Yup. I'm turning emo. Please, somebody stop this from happening. I don't want to always be in black and write songs about how every relationship has failed me. Hell, it'd only be enough fodder for one song.)

I actually left during the Matt Good portion, just becuase it went on a lot later than I had planned, since I told Kaleb I'd be home to play some video games.

Still, free food and drink, and a free concert for which the first half hour was completely amazing? Everything's coming up Jago!

* * *

Do you know what else is coming up Jago? The New Alberta Pro Wrestling e-fed. Dev and I became the tag team champs last night. If you think you'd be interested in making a character and joining up, do so! It's a lot of fun!

Good lord! Is this what happens when I become manager?

2005-10-30T15:10:00.000-07:00

So, yeah. It's been too long, but the whole "managing a store" thing is pretty time-consuming. And then there's the "Freaks and Geeks" I've been watching.

Last week was the third inventory I've done for the company in seven weeks. Huzzah!

This time, I didn't have much help. I mean, sure where's all my employess, but none of them has done an inventory before. And every manager I tried to round up to help me talked their way out of it.

When I asked EFB to help out, he said, "What did Marky say?"

Me: "Well, he's closing tonight, so he won't be able to help me out."

EFB: "Bull! It's just a matter of not taking 'No' for an answer. How often did you help him?"

Me: "Yeah? How much did I give him? I went in to inventory when I was hallucinating due to sickness! I couldn't even stand up properly, and there I was helping out Marky. No, wait a sec. That was you."

EFB: "Good luck. Gotta go."

So it took two days to count the store, which is super-long. And when I was going through the tilts, some of my employees weren't exactly helping. (More on this later.)

So I got it down to about 13% wrong, which isn't too bad, and a bit less than what I was expecting. Too bad there was a $6600 inventory loss attached to that. But when you've got digital cameras, a few top-end cell phones and some random stuff missing? That's what happens.

I swear, though. If I have to do another inventory in the next few months, I'm going to kill someone.

* * *

Unhelpful employees. Well, one of them that's really getting on my nerves, anyways. I'll call him LX.

LX has not been doing his share of work around the store the past while. Especially when we were doing inventory, and I was emphasising the fact that you have to be super-vigilant and not take the front box as proof as to what's actually there. I'm sure he cost me 3% by himself.

Apparently, he's been pretty angry these past few days. I couldn't tell you why, since I'm so involved in my own shit. All I know is if I have to tell him to do something five times in an hour, he should be ready when I yell at him about it.

"LX! Do NOT sit down on the job. How are the tilts going? Get back in the booth."

And repeat a few times.

I swear, I'm ready to let him go. Good thing I'm at West Ed come next week. Let the new manager deal with him.

* * *

Tonight, I'm going to see Matt Good for free! Thank you, Rogers Wireless!

I'd thank Monster Cable for the pen I won at their last training session, but it broke a week into using it. The hell?

* * *

I just got a call from the store about a guy who came in looking for a TV in the new flyer. Apparently, the flyer said there was a Panasonic LCD TV for $2500 or something, but the number they had in the flyer was for the more expensive $4000 model. So the guy was making a fuss, saying he'd better get that TV for that price.

I didn't talk to the customer on the phone, but I'm telling you there's a reason that the flyer says on the back that the Company's not responsible for printing errors and mistakes happen in our flyers. No way would I let an LCD TV go for less than cost due to a wrong stock number, that's for sure.

Idiot.

* * *

I bought a new keyboard for Kow rehearsals. This time, it actually has the USB connection, and it's pretty awesome how I can play computer arrangements through it and see a composition I play show up in Finale. Whooo!

* * *

Dev, D! and I are all part of this new e-wrestling federation. You create new wrestlers and have them interact before big matches. Dev and I had to tweak our usual PS2 characters so they'd be more than simple Chris Jericho and Undertaker ripoffs. So far, so good.

* * *

I found out today that my brother, Braden, just got engaged to his girlfriend of over a year, Marsha. Congrats! Now you can actually come up and visit me, so I can MEET this mystery fiancee.

* * *

That's about all I've got going on my my brain today. Now to get ready for Matt Good tonight.

You know, I THOUGHT that might be the case...

2005-10-30T15:09:00.000-07:00

My blog is worth $0.00.
How much is your blog worth?

Giving thanks with alcohol, and signs that confuse me.

2005-10-11T00:59:00.000-06:00

While driving down 109th Ave on my way home from work, I saw that the Save-On Foods lit sign was having some problems.

It now reads "Save-On Foo s."

All I could think about was hiring Mr. T to be their spokesman: "I pity the Save-On Foo's!"

Also, before Thanksgiving, Zellers was promoting their restaurant's pumpkin pie. The fine print on the bottom of the poster said that their pie, which sells for $7.49 (so I'm assuming it's either an eight- or ten-inch pie) can serve 10-12 people.

10-12 people? Not the people I know of! If everyone had a sliver, maybe, but I'm the kind of guy who cuts a pie into sixths at the MOST.

* * *

My sister and cousins are lushes.

Now, I can say this because they read my journal, and they know I'm just making fun of them for the SHEER AMOUNT OF WINE they were drinking yesterday. When almost all the young generation Dokken females were there, polishing off about four bottles of wine at least, and then saying, "Kyle! Stay the night! Drink a lot!" you know it's an interesting Thanksgiving dinner.

My sister said, "I don't think I've ever seen you drunk."

I replied, "That's because I've never BEEN drunk."

At which point it was the girls' objective to make sure that I'd get drunk with them.

I resisted their demands, and it was still a fun night with the family.

* * *

My mom's birthday was on Saturday, which is yet ANOTHER eerie parallel to Dev's family.

Dev's dad and my mom share the same birthday. And they BOTH turned 55 that day.

Okay, strange coincidence. Here's another: The Bruce family has three boys named Devin, Brendan and Graeme. The Jago family had three boys in it named Graham, Devon and Braden. (Graham and Devon were my younger twin brothers who didn't survive a premature birth.)

Spooky? Me thinks so.

"But I'm not supposed to BE here!" and "Hey! That's not my dad!"

2005-10-03T20:16:00.000-06:00

First off:

So you think you know my dad? Maybe you've seen him on choir tours, or when he's come up to see me. Maybe you only know him as Coach Jago, the pixellated wrestler/caddy/video game athlete. (God, I wish I had a screen capture of that. D!, let's get on that capture card!)

I've known him as Dad (for good reason) all my life. Within those twenty-eight years of knowing Dad, I've seen him without his trademark mustache twice.

The first time, it wasn't so much that he didn't have a mustache, as he decided to grow a beard.

After a few weeks of growing, my mom took one look at him and simply said, "Take it off."

The beard was gone the next day. (This must have been when I was about ten or eleven.)

Some undefined period later, he decided to shave the mustache off. Mom took one look at him and simply said, "Put it back on."

The mustache was back a few weeks later.

Other than those two periods, I have never seen Dad other than what everyone else has seen him like in the past thirty years. UNTIL NOW!

Dad has shaved his head/facial hair for charity. Looks a lot different, to the point of being a dead ringer for Grandma Jago's facial features. Kind of scary, actually...

* * *
I was planning on updating during a free moment, say like a day off.

Too bad that's looking less and less likely for me!

Last I posted, I was talking about feeling ill. Well, it turned into the cold that everyone had, complete with lightheadedness and vertigo. I couldn't think properly, which is not that good when I'm trying to help people at the store.

The EFB would hear me say "Look, man, I'm feeling really sick, so I'd appreciate it if I was able to take the day off, rest and recuperate just in time for the inventory we're about to have."

Of course, EFB said he really needed my assistance, even if I was nodding off at his desk when typing in stock numbers.

So I ended up working through my illness.

A funny little story that happened earlier than my cold:

My favourite radio station had a contest going on where an interesting prize was on the line. Competitors would battle it out to vie for the title of Sonic Newscaster.

Yes, that's right, the radio station's giving away a job as their newscaster for a contract of at least three months.

It got to the point that my MOM was saying, "Call in sick."

So when I asked EFB if I could come in late and make this audition, the answer was no.

Irony is, when I actually GOT sick, I had no voice, and was doing a 14 hour shift regardless.

Dang.

But, hey, check it out, my friend Randy is a finalist! Awesome!

* * *

I've taken over a store. Yes, I'm now a manager (temporarily).

The gist is, I want to see if I'm a match for my dad's kidney transplant. And if I am a match, I'll need three months to recover from major surgery. So there was really no point in becoming a manager if I was just going to leave for a quarter of a year.

"Hey, I'm your new manager! Well, see you in February! Here's your NEW new manager..."

But when a spot opened up very quickly (loss prevention issues), they told me I can do a month-long temporary manager position, so I can take my sick leave afterwards.

I was to start there today, after the old manager was to be fired. So I'd have a weekend off before starting a long haul in Clareview. And I could get my blood tested.

BUT! On Thursday, at Westmount, I was called up by the district manager.

"Hey, how quickly can you make it here?"

"Um, I've just got two new hires who can't be left alone. I'd have to wait until about 5:30 before I could get there. Why?"

"Um, we fired the old manager today."

"But my weekend?"

"Sorry."

"Blood test!"

"Sorry."

So on my way to choir that night, I made a oh-so-roundabout route to the store in order to close it for the night.

I found two girls waiting there for me.

"Hi," I said. "I'm your new manager. Sorry about all this. It's hard having a manager and assistant manager get fired on you, isn't it? So! Let's close up!"

Good plan, but when I don't know the old manager's password, and can't get into the system? Yipes. Good thing I knew someone who used to work under him, and they gave me the password.

Before I left, I told the two girls (K1 and K2) that I was to have a few days off.

"K1, you and the old AM were scheduled for tomorrow. Would it be cool if I came in for the morning, and then came back to close?"

K1 looked at me with wide eyes. "Today was my first day."

Me: "Ah. Right. Crap."

I turn to K2. "It's you, the old manager and S on Saturday. Would you be able to cope without me, and then I could close at night?"

"It's my fourth day."

"Oh. Jeez. Okay."

So, needless to say, it's been a fun journey. And by fun, I mean, I'm trying to keep sane. Luckily, I've been given permission to close at 6 on weekdays, instead of 9. Thank GOD!

* * *

Saw Serenity over the weekend. And I enjoyed it a lot, although I'm not going to post anything that people who HAVEN'T seen the movie will read beforehand.

I'll talk about that later. What I WILL talk about is the screening itself.

Because we're big geeks, a circle of my friends saw it opening night. There were nine of us, so we managed to find a row we could sit in. Unfortunately, there were so many groups, there weren't a lot of seats left to couples.

So my group scooched down a seat so we had enough room for a pair of people. My luck, it was a very hot woman. Who was obsessed with the Firefly story. And had dragged a guy friend down to see it with her.

So she's talking with her friend, and would keep on talking to me as well. I'm not so rude that I won't chat up a hottie, so we talked.

No, it wasn't "Hi." It was "Hey, who's your favourite character?" (Which, as we ALL know, means, "Let's ditch the movie, hit your car and make out.")

Me: (thinking madly to the year and a half prior I saw the DVD series) "Jain, I guess."

Apparently that was the right answer, since she started gushing about Jain.

It's not so much that Jain isn't my favourite, but more along the lines that I love the ensemble.

So, yeah, sitting next to a cute girl that had a bit strong vanilla perfume on. Still, I can handle scents like that. Good thing it wasn't Cheese Girl that she was sitting beside...

Feeling icky.

2005-09-22T20:55:00.000-06:00

So I'm starting to come down with something. It's not quite to the point of Kleenex-with-Menthol sick, or passing-out-when-calling-my-boss sick or even the case of suffering-from-both -heatstroke-and-chill-at-the-SAME-TIME-and-passing-out-in-the-bathroom sick.

I called my boss after throwing up this morning, saying I wouldn't be in. Unfortunately, it's inventory (yes, the second one in two weeks), and things need to be ready for the count on Saturday.

So I slept a bit more and came in late. It was the job of the day to completely dismantle the downstairs stockroom. I almost passed out a few times. I was as weak as a kitten and couldn't do much other than the occasional lifting job and reading out stock numbers.

Obviously, I didn't think I was able to make choir tonight due to not having much of a voice.

So I hope to be resting in the next little while...

* * *

If you been to the House of Style in the past little while, you'll have noticed that we've had a LOT of foliage in our yard.

There's a lot of weeds, but also a lot of beautiful stuff, even if they ARE weeds.

Our landlord has asked that we get the yard trimmed, but our resident yardkeeper's been incommunicado for a while, and with my "September of Busy-ness," I haven't been able to do anything about it either.

Our landlord sent out someone to do it for us (for a fee, of course), but when I came home from work tonight, there was NOTHING left. No beauty. All there is is a bit of grass.

Which makes it good for our landlord, but not as fun for me.

Hugs and potential one night stands.

2005-09-19T22:30:00.000-06:00

So I was getting some food today at work, hitting the KGM food court.

After getting my Arby's, I'm heading back to the store. Three steps away, a fifteen-year-old guy comes up, says, "I've got to give you a hug," and embraces me.

With a very confused expression on my face, and a little scared, I hug him back with the arm that isn't holding the food.

Everything was (mostly) explained when he said, "I just had to do that when I realized that you're in Apocalypse Kow."

So, that's somewhat cool. I now declare this year "Hug a Kow Member" Year. However, I'm now only accepting hugs from cute women ages 18-30.

Canton will now be accepting the hugs from the teenaged male demographic.

* * *

So, I'm wondering if I might have passed up something in Banff.

On Saturday, after the day of singing, some of us were going to hit the bar across the way from the conference centre hotel. I arrived too early, found no one there, and left the pub on the way back to find friends at the hotel.

Outside, there was a cute girl smoking on the steps.

She said "Hi" to me in an interested tone.

I smiled at her, said "Hi" back, and kept walking. And kept walking further from an interested cute girl.

Granted, I rarely (never) make it a habit to hook up with people I just meet at a bar. (This might be a reason I'm still single.) It's just never appealed to me.

But, yeah, I was kicking myself as soon as I walked out of sight.

* * *

Just so you know, I have upgraded my blog to filter out the spam comments. So there's the tiring "type in a word so Jago knows you're not a robot" part of commenting now. Still, it's less of a hassle for ME this way.

Well, that was fun.

2005-09-18T19:49:00.000-06:00

So I just got back from Banff.

I was there for the weekend due to Oran's annual retreat. We hired a clinician from Newfoundland to go over with what needed to be done for us to sound better.

Man, Oran's one great choral group, singing- and people-wise. Susan Quinn, our clinician, was raving over how little she had to do with us. The music we're doing is challenging, but nothing that I can't handle after enough practices. There's one piece that has a score that has to be seen to be believed. (There's no bars. It's all based on intervals. It's also sixteen parts.)

Even though we spent a LOT of time in the hall singing (about twelve hours of singing altogether), it was one rushed weekend. The time flew by, since there was singing to be done, and usually a lot of meals to eat and alcoholic beverages to be drunk. I kept on thinking to myself, "That was three hours of singing? Wow. That was a two hour break? Okay."

The people in the choir are a fun bunch, too. Over the course of a weekend, there's a lot of time to interact with others, and not just the hotelmates (especially since the only time we were actually in the hotel room was to shower and sleep). Some crazy connections in Oran. Some, I know from Mixed Chorus (and not just the ones I knew about). There's a sister of one of my MC friends. One girl went to Prairie Bible College and sang with my high school friend Shauna. Then there's Jaimie, who I DID go to school with, her awesome husband, and her sister, who I'm not really familiar with, but that could be because when I last saw Jaimie, Crystal would have been... eight? Maybe?

I also got a lot of exercise in Banff to counteract all the eating I did there. Some of us would walk the ten minute route to get to these restaurants, and a lot of stairs were involved. On Saturday alone, I probably did about an hour and a half of walking.

In all, it was a very fun, if hectic, time, and I'm really glad I joined Oran this year. It's going to be awesome!

* * *

So, I found out last week that I'm permanently (or as permanent as the Company gets) KGM's assistant manager.

I'm sorry that this throws a wrench into Mark's plans for a Vancouver vacation next week. And he knows if there was anything I could do about going back for the week, I'd do it.

Also, I worked ten days in a row until Friday. This is one of the reasons I was really looking forward to the Banff trip. After so many days of working, and having three 12+ hour days in that time, it's really nice to get a break.

And it gives Dev a chance to show off his "Jago Needs a New Job" shuffle dance.

* * *

Finished reading "Out of Sight" by Elmore Leonard. I haven't seen the movie in a while, so it's a big fuzzy memory. The book's decent, though, even if it ends very abruptly.

On to Christopher Moore's "The lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove." In the first few pages, I laughed my ass off at:

"On the radio, turned low, Reba sang of hard times with the full authority of a cross-eyed redheaded millionaire."

Next week, I'm hosting the book club where we're discussing Neil Gaiman's "American Gods."

Aftermath

2005-09-09T01:15:00.000-06:00

So this morning, I printed out the only two posts that have mentioned CapGirl, and took them to work.

The conversation I had with EFB when he came in:

Me: So, the next time you talk with CapGirl, you can tell her that I shut down my journal. If she looks on the website that's in the store's internet history, all she'll find is a farewell note.

EFB: So you shut it down?

Me: As far as she's concerned? Yes.

EFB: Okay. I'll also tell her you apologize.

Me: No.

EFB: What? Yes. I'll tell her you apologize for what you said about her.

Me: I swear, EFB, there's NOTHING I need to apologize for. If you tell her I apologized, I won't be very happy.

EFB: No, Kyle, it's the best way.

Me: Here's the only times I mention her at all in my journal. (I hand him printouts of the pages in question. He reads them.)

EFB: That's it? That's what she got worked up about?

Me: Yup. Absolutely no fucking apology. I'm serious.

EFB: Okay, then.

* * *

Today was my first Oran practice. I really appreciated having something to take my mind off work, especially after the day I had. (When you feel that an eight-hour shift is about thirteen hours too long? That was my day. I was wandering the mall during my break looking for a store that sold bullets. And guns. To shoot myself with. Or others. I wasn't feeling choosy at this point.)

The group seems like a fun bunch. And we're learning some interesting music. And Scott and Katy seem like competent, respectful conductors.

Met a few new friends today. And reunited with a few old ones I haven't seen in forever. It's pretty funny when I can think of about six different ways I know some of my co-members. (Mixed Chorus, Moose Jaw, working with the accompanist's cousin, Kow, other performances, the a cappella community, etc.)

So I'm looking forward to this year of being back in singing. If it can get my mind off work for a few hours a week? It's a godsend.

Sort of a new beginning. Also, I'm sorry.

2005-09-07T23:13:00.000-06:00

Ever have one of those times where you decided that there's way too much to write and not enough time to give it the attention it needs? And then it just keeps on piling up on you, until you've got a three-week backlog worth of stories?

Yeah. that's me.

But since this issue is VERY important, I'll go into it before I update you onto the other stuff.

* * *

I've been transferred to Kingsway. (I'm going back to nicknames for the most part. Especially for the people who need them. And I'm not going to refer to my company as anything but The Company.) The Eternal Frat Boy, my boss at KGM, really needed a helping hand, so I was yanked away from Mark for a few weeks.

So when EFB came into the store, he and I went to the food court for a chat.

We talked about the shape of the store, the stuff that happened recently, and just about a whole lot of things.

All of a sudden, because we were talking about "The Friday that Almost Made Jago Kill Someone," CapGirl (the manager who was talking behind Mark's back) came up.

EFB: So, you've got a website.

Me: I sure do.

EFB: Why?

Me: I use it to rant.

EFB: Having a website's not good. People have seen it. Like CapGirl.

Me: Good. There's nothing there I wouldn't say to her face.

EFB: No, man. This could be a Human Resources issue. It's character defamation.

Me: It's really not, EFB. Trust me, I took courses on libel and defamation in school. She'd have no case.

EFB: She says you called her a bad mother.

Me: I'm pretty sure I didn't. (I didn't. I might have called her kids spoiled rugrats and fuckers and questioned why she brought a two- and four-year old to an inventory. But I never called her a bad mother.)

EFB: Still, there's the chance she could try to take you down based on your website.

Me: That's a bitchy thing to do.

EFB: As it was, I defended you. I said there's no way you'd do something like that. And then I found the website.

Me: Really, it's not hard to find. Just google "Kyle Jago." It'll be the first thing to pop up.

ERB: Well, could you stop writing on your website?

Me: No. There's no way I'm shutting down my personal page where I can express myself.

ERB: Could you at least move it? So CapGirl can't find it?

Me: That I could do.

So, yeah. I almost got dooced. So I'm making some changes here. Nothing drastic, but I'm not referring to my worksplace with proper names of the company or people. Unless they say it's find.

And, of course, the change of address.

Gotta go, watching some Joe Schmo.

Fringe Journal 2k5, Part II: The post in which I don't mention work once.

2005-08-22T10:06:00.000-06:00

So, three days into Fringe. I must admit, my playwatching wasn't quite all there for the first two days, with me just hanging out at home (or, as I've taken to calling it, "Fringe Central") with our assorted billets/friends/crashers, and performing.

But yesterday, that changed! But first, our concerts:

I told you about Friday's show. We enjoyed ourselves, it was probably the best opening show we've done in our three years as Fringe Outdoor Stagers, and we found out which song not to sing.

On Saturday, we had a late afternoon show on the bigger stage. Once again, it was a beautiful, if very hot, day, and we had a decent crowd.

This year, unbeknownst to us until Randy from the Wombats told us, there's been the chance for indoor productions to "host" the outdoor shows. On a first-come, first-serve basis, actors from productions would be able to introduce the upcoming act as well as plug their own shows. Not cool for us, since why would actors bother to check the board to see who's actually performing? The guys who were hosting before us were killing the crowd, but managed to get our names right because I told them our names as they went on stage.

Another a cappella group performing at the Fringe that we MIGHT have a rivalry with? They didn't get off so easily. The host's comments once he went on stage before our show:

"In a few minutes, Apocalypse Kow will be hitting the stage. They're an a cappella group, just like Hoju."

Cue me laughing my ass off offstage.

Go to Canton's journal for another pretty funny story of how some cast members from Eating Raoul die fifteen slow, painful deaths while doing their hosting duties.

The most memorable moment of Saturday's concert was the three-year-old blond moppet who wandered up to me during our set. I bent low to get to his level, so I could talk to him properly. I had the mic at my side, but didn't quite know it was as live as it was.

Me: Hi, how are you?

Moppet: Good. Can you sing "You Are my Sunshine?"

Me: (murmuring) I'm sorry. We don't know that song.

Unfortunately, the mic picked up the entire exchange, and since I was saying this sotto voice, it sounded a lot harsher than I had intended it. The crowd boos. Dev, sensing unrest if we brush off a toddler, says, "Let's sing it!"

So we take a note, and start improv-ing some harmonies for a verse of "You Are my Sunshine." And it sounded good. To the point that some people completely thought this was set up.

Because, yes, we'd completely rig it so I'm apparently brusque to a three-year-old.

* * *

Canton, his friend Em and I went to see the Wombats' first show that day. While Paul and Randy were saying give them a few days to warm up, they were pretty much spot on for their show. Rarely a missed note during the entire show (and I'm not saying this musically, since it's them juggling and joking around. And seriously, their finale is hilarious.

* * *

Yesterday, we had two shows, and Canton had a performance of his OTHER play in between.

Some of my family was able to see our first show, since my parents are in town for Dad's kidney dialysis. My sister and a friend of hers came up from Calgary, my aunt and uncle were there, and some family friends I haven't seen in the longest while.

Of course, the show was peppered with a whole bunch of Moose Jaw and Mr. Jago ribbing. I was also given a wireless mic, so I was having fun being able to run around the stage.

During our version of D!'s "Johnny Cash" (which the audience LOVES, by the way), I was asking the audience to sing along, with the threat, "If I hear anyone not singing, I'll have my dad kick your butts. He knows everyone in Moose Jaw, you know."

I think that was probably one of our better shows, although I was a little aggressive in the hat plug, to the point of being negative. Our banter was pretty decent:

Barber: Just so you know, our next show's at 7:40 pm on the same stage. It'll be a completely different set.

Me: We changed one song.

Astro: No, Jago. We changed one member. You're fired.

At which point you can hear my dad's belly laugh from the second row.

It was my sister's first time seeing Kow perform. I think she enjoyed herself.

* * *

I went to see Canton's first show of No Entry. It was a very well-written show, and all the actors have great performances.

It's the story of a guy who can see a ghost in the week before his wedding. Apparently, this means he's slated to die soon, and he's the only person who can see the 80s' fashion-wearing girl.
The characters were funny as hell, especially Andrew Mecready's comedy-loving Death, and Ryan Hughes's paranoid pee-hoarding boss.

I'll enjoy seeing it again with Kow, and am looking forward to heckling Death this time around.

* * *
In the evening, my old friend Heath came down with his girlfriend, Pam, to see our second show of the day.

This one was still a decent show, as we did have a lot of people staying around to the end, although Barrett's Privateers almost went down in flames, once after I forgot my verse, and a portion where Barber forgot to come in, so the five of us were staring at each other, clapping to keep the momentum.

Then an audience member gave us the next line and we were back on track.

There was this annoying ten-year-old girl with no social skills who interrupted our concert once to ask what was the deal with the sound booth. We managed that fine, but when I went to get a drink during a song I don't sing, she followed me and kept on asking me questions like "What are you guys doing?"

Me: "We're performing. We're singing on stage right now."

Girl: "Do you let others sing with you?"

Me: "Sorry. We sing by ourselves for the audience. It would kill the show if we let other people on stage to sing. Hoja lets some people onstage to sing with them, though, (Yes, it's true, Astro and I saw it happen earlier.) But Kow's our own act."

Apparently, she went up to Devin after the show and asked if the tech would let her sing with the mics. Dev was saying "I'm pretty sure that's not allowed."

Of course, this morning's when I thought of a good line to let her down easy with, telling her that we paid $450 for the use of the stage and microphones, and there isn't a place on the stages for people who haven't signed up for them.

I wonder how this girl's busking circle will do.

* * *

After our evening show, Heath, Pam and I went to see Hip-Hop 4 Dummeez. My god, was this an awesome show. I never was able to see the previous play these guys did (Job: The Hip-Hop Musical), but this one was a VERY funny look at the elements of Hip-Hop culture, including how to force rhymes, what sorts of slang are used, and how different elements come together to create songs.

One of my favourite moments was when they did a rap at the end of their first act that incorporated every lesson they had taught the audience in the first half-hour.

Jacob Sable was a treat in this one. His "Bushman" character was a cross between Ray Charles and Flava Flav. Every time he wasn't talking in his almost-falsetto, he had this manic grin on his face. Such a great character.

If Canton goes to see this one, I might ask him to bring me back a CD of the performance.

* * *

Well, off to shower before we meet with the Wombats to discuss strategy for our upcoming show today...

Fringe Journal 2k5, Part I (or, "What part of 'I'm on vacation' do you dickheads not understand?")

2005-08-19T23:47:00.000-06:00

So, it's Fringe time again, and at the end of the first day, I've done two concerts. First of all, let me fill you in on what happened at work in the past week, shall we?

* * *

Due to stupid scheduling, my vacation at Fringe coincides directly with the Source by Circuit City's annual manager's convention. As such, when I'm performing, Mark's in Ontario for three days.

This leaves us with Chelsea and Jordon as the only two staff members over the days that Mark's out of province and I'm ON VACATION. But no store can spare any staff, since, SURPRISE! Every manager's in Ontario.

Against my better judgement, I decided to go in for a few hours on two days next week. But they're NOT being counted as vacation; if they are, people will die.

Yesterday, I did a 12 hour shift, and man, was it a day. It was busy, and I was in the "day before vacation starts" mode. I told Jordon when he came in, "I don't want to do anything. I WILL do what needs to be done, but don't be surprised if my morale hits the deep end later on tonight."

I left early, at 8 pm. Jordon had things under control, I gave him my keys, everything's cool.

Today was the first day of vacation I've had since...last year's Labour Day, I guess, when I hit Moose Jaw for Mrs. M's wedding. It was about fucking time. I was ready to sleep in, hit the print shop to check the proofs on Kow's new business cards, and perform twice. Until I was awakened by Canton knocking on my door.

"Jago, phone's for you."

I pick up the extension in Canton's room, and answers somewhat sleepily.

"Hey, Kyle. It's Chelsea."

"Hey, what's up? What needs to be done? I'm ON VACATION. (boldface mine, since I'm not yelling. Yet.)"

"Well, Mark's not at work."

"WHAT?" I yell. "He's working a twelve hour shift today! Where is he?"

"He called me up at 1 am last night, said he was chosen to be an extra on a movie shooting in town, gave me the keys to open, and said he would be in the store around supper time."

Chelsea's still VERY uncomfortable being in the store by herself, since she's not familiar with a lot of procedures like activating cell phones, or selling satellite.

Me: "Have you called any other store to see if we could get someone?"

Chelsea: "I called up Jordon, but I only got his machine. When I talked to Kingsway, Jeff told me to ask Ron at Southgate. But he was being pretty rude to me."

I sigh, tell her I'll call around, and hang up.

So I call Jeff, and tell him the story. He tells me to try Ron and see if he's got anyone he can lend for a few hours.

I call up Southgate and get one of the flunkies. When I ask him who's working today, he rattles off about three people per shift.

Me: "Can I steal someone for a few hours, so Chelsea can function properly?"

Flunky: "I'd call around to closer stores, like West Ed."

So I do. Lambert just got off vacation himself, and needs all his staff. Deryk had a fashion show in his part of the mall, was expecting a large amount of customers, and had an order to count.

I call Jeff again.

"Talk to Ron. Don lives in Westmount, so maybe he could come in for a few hours."

I call Southgate again, and ask to speak to Ron.

"Ron, I was talking to Jeff, and I REALLY need someone to come in and help my store for a bit. Nothing like a shift, but if I could get Don for a few hours to help out Chelsea, I'd be really grateful."

"No, I can't spare anyone."

"Please, Ron. Mark's away, and I'm on vacation."

"Can't you come in?"

"Ron, what part of 'on vacation' did you miss? I perform two concerts today."

"You can come in before one of them. When are they?"

"Ron, I'm already coming in on two shifts during MY VACATION. I don't see why I should be at the beck and call of my store because my manager fucked up and is being a jackass. BECAUSE I'M ON VACATION."

"When are your concerts?"

"I don't see how this makes a difference. I'm rehearsing at 1 pm for one of them, but I really need to do some errands this morning. It's my vacation after all. The first one I've had in eleven and a half months."

"You can work before 1 pm, then."

I slam the phone on the hook. And promptly dial Mark's cell. The message kicks in.

"Hi, Mark. It's Kyle. I'm going into work today. Thanks." SLAM!

I drive into work in my street clothes, because there's NO fucking way I'm dressing up for a shift I shouldn't even have. And I stay there until 12:30. I try calling Jordon. I call Mark's cell again.

"Mark, I wasn't aware that you told people that you were sick. I might have let slip that you're actually being an extra on the day you're supposed to work twelve hours. To Jeff and Ron. And Lambert. My bad. Whoops. Sorry."

Chelsea was telling me how Jennifer (Capilano's manager) was saying that Mark screwed up bad. Which is odd, since I didn't call Jen at all. (Note to self: Call up Capilano tomorrow. Bitch out Jen and tell her what happens at my store is none of her fucking business.)

Other than that, good day. Let me just tell you one more work story before continuing on...

* * *

A few days back, it was Jordon and I working. (Saturday? Sounds right.) It was crazy busy in the store, and Jordon might have been doing a cell phone sale, so I was picking up the slack. The phone rings.

"The Source by Circuit City. Kyle speaking."

A man with a high voice is on the phone, asking about a phone he bought a few years back. I'm being polite enough, but I'm very terse, as I've got four customers waiting in line, and I'm really in no mood to talk with someone who's taking their sweet time to ask a question.

After about six minutes, and a lot of mouthing, "I'm sorry" to the guy who's next in line, I say, "Sir, I'm sorry, but there's a lineup here. If you have any questions about new phones, you can come down to the store and we can talk in person."

"You keep on calling me sir, when, obviously, I'm a lady. What to you have to say to that?"

"Pardon?" My heart sinks in my stomach.

"Do I sound like a man? Am I confusing you here?"

"Well, actually, ma'am, I have heard a lot of older men with higher voices. You do have a pretty low voice for a lady. I'm sorry if I offended you."

"I don't have a penis. I am on the phone with you and I'm not a man. What do you have to say to that?"

"Sorry, ma'am." I hang up.

* * *

Speaking of gender-bending, on my way out of the store today on my non-shift, I saw one of two things. (I'm not sure which is the correct view here.)

I either saw: a) a 6'2" guy with breasts, or (b) a 6'2" woman with a beard.

I'm talking Alan Moore beard here, people, not a few dark whiskers.

I think I was triple-taking at this person who had passed me and had SOME sort of perfume on. Scary.

* * *

So, first day of Fringe! First of all, we had our first "Kowbats" show today, which was the joint Wombat/three-fifths of Kow show that we're putting on three times this week.

It was fun improv-ing with Randy and Paul, and the crowd of fifty or so seemed to enjoy it. Dev and I were talking with the young parents of a family who was there from Calgary, who had come in for a day of events. They had the day of shows all planned out, and Kow was on there twice! So they were kind of bummed out that they weren't able to see us perform with the family of five. But they were going to see our evening show, if they were able to get Three Dead Trolls tickets quickly enough.

Canton's been full-blown sick the past few days, but seemed to be in fair enough spirits tonight after last night's run for orange juice and Fisherman's Friends. We were joking about it all day, saying that Canton would be fun doped up on couch medicine.

Canton: "Hello, little girl! Your head's a FISH!"

It became the running joke of the day.

At 9:45, we had our first full-blown Kow concert. I was winded after running home for the "bitchpipe," as we've taken to calling our, yes, pitch pipe. So I wasn't properly in tune until about three songs in.

Since it was a stunningly beautiful day today, after the week of rain we've been having, there was a HUGE crowd for the show before ours. We had a respectable audience, but unfortunately, it didn't translate into a lot of people putting money in our hats. Also, as Kow discussed in our post-mortem, we're killing the Gulf War Song from our Fringe sets.

As much as we loved it, the song KILLED the audience. Some people left, and one of the recurring pieces of feedback we received was "What was that one song in the middle? I'm not sure if I didn't get it, or just didn't like it, or what."

I think that's an all-time record. The song we killed after singing it once. I'm sure we'll find an audience for it somewhere, but we're not taking any more chances this week.

To people who come to an outdoor show, there are some simple rules of protocol I'd like to go over. Funnily enough, a LOT of them have to do with drinking:

1. Don't get stoned in front of an open stage. While I'm sure it's fun for you, the fifteen families I saw in the crowd weren't so cool with it. If there's a three-year-old sitting at the front of the stage, please, smoke your pot somewhere else.

2. No matter how drunk you are, the back of the stage is not a place you want to be on when we're performing. Sure, it's open and you can see us from the side. There are plenty of other shortcuts in the area, and the stage we're standing on is not one of them.

2a. Dancing is also not something to do on the stage we're standing on. Even if you are very drunk.

3. Don't drink at an open stage. The reasons for this are explained in rule one, and everyone knows it isn't iced tea you've got in that Coke bottle.

4. It's cool to sing along with us. Unless you're stoned and drunk and disrupting those of us who are doing it for real. Then it's not so cool.

5. Talking on the cell phone might SEEM like a good idea, but if you're drunk and stoned and was previously singing loudly with us and sitting in the third row, we can hear your conversation. Even if you turn around and face the other way. While this is an open stage and, as such, is a crapload noisier than an indoor stage, the performers will want to kick your ass if they see you doing it. I know I did.

6. When the show is over, and we come around with our hats for donations, do not pretend to not see us, to the point of shading your eyes, and looking away. Especially if your friend if reaching for their wallet and complimenting us right beside you. Just because we don't charge admission doesn't mean we want you to have a free show at our expense. If you like the show, show your support, or even say, "You know what? I just spent all my money of pot and Jack Daniels, and I don't have enough money to show my gratitude for you not kicking my ass in front of two hundred people." Even if you do have enough money, if you don't want to give us any of it, that's fine. Just don't treat us like you treat panhandlers on Whyte Ave.

After our evening show tonight, Chelsea came up to me after the show. So I had to ask, "What time did Mark come in? Or did he?"

"Jordon came in at five, when I finally got a hold of him. I didn't see Mark, although he called the store and asked, 'What happened?' He's in a lot of trouble, isn't he?"

"OH, yeah..."

* * *

In other news, Heath called me up and said he'd be coming down from Fringe. So I really hope he shows. That would be fun.

Odd Transformations 29: Vigilante crimefighting!

2005-08-13T07:45:00.000-06:00

For the past few days, or maybe even just one long stretch of last night that SEEMED like a few days, I've been having a recurring dream.

I've been part of this huge plot of thieves, where I overheard something and have been going around looking for clues on how to stop or solve this crime of robbery on a HUGE scale.

Problem was, I've been followed by a pair of plainclothes detectives because I keep on trespassing/breaking into places to get evidence.

I'm not sure if I was an author (I kept on writing my investigations in prose form, which would somehow get to the detectives each day), but I'd be trying to avoid these guys, only to have them appear at the places I'm casing for evidence. (Mostly schools.)

So they'd keep trying to arrest me and stop me from investigating an obviously innocent woman (played by Carol Burnett, I'm pretty sure), because when it came to the word of a socially powerful woman against a guy who kept on breaking into everywhere for clues, I was the untrustworthy one.

It all have down to a head at a local school's benefit, I'm pretty sure. It one point, I was in a school gym, trying to evade these two detectives, the next, I was under a table at this banquet with the two cops, eavesdropping on this entire table's guilt in the matter, as well as seeing a whole bunch of fifty and hundred dollar bills fluttering underneath to where I was.

So while the details are a little vague, as they always tend to be, it looks like I was in the middle of my own Fletch novel/movie: Using disguised identities to gather information, being chased by cops, trying to keep one step ahead of both Carol Burnett and her crew AND the detectives, and writing it all down for the detectives to keep on my trail.

* * *

Kow's Fringe schedules are up. Hope to see some of you at our performances.

Also, I'm planning on going to Pavlov improv tonight to perform. It'll be a long-form improvised play, and Dev hopes to hit the stage for the first time since Survival broke up.

$5 admission, at Jekyll and Hyde Pub (one block south of the Jasper Ave Boston Pizza: 10610 100 Ave) at 11 pm tonight (Saturday, August 13th). Hope to see a bunch of people there as well.

Odd Transformations 28: The televised reunion

2005-08-07T11:54:00.000-06:00

I don't think any of my recent dreams have had this much backstory.

A few years ago, I guess I starred in a reality TV show. It was a moderate success, since a lot of us went back to our old lives afterwards, but the reunion that was being prepared for us was making quite a splash in the entertainment industry. It was going to be BIG!

First of all, I was invited to a fancy dinner. Outside the convention centre where the dinner was taking place, I ran into my first friend who was a part of the reality show along with me, a nice enough guy who went on to become an RCMP officer, since he was wearing his uniform. We caught up outside the centre, and when the bus that was going to take the cast out somewhere else was leaving, he told me to go with him in his car.

The second phase of the reunion was getting us into a pool. I was all for this, and used the alcove of this meeting room to change down to my swim trunks. I remember I was wearing two pairs of socks for some reason.

In a room adjoining the alcove, where was some sort of preparation going on. It was a bunch of people from a high school in Ardrossan.

"Oh, Ardrossan!" I said. "Is there a girl named Kerry there?"

They call for Kerry, who turns out to be not my cousin, but a lather large girl who really intimidates me.

"Oh hell," I mutter. "Did I say Ardrossan? My cousin Kerry was in Wetaskiwin. My mistake."

I tried to go to the pool with my reality show co-stars, but this huge Kerry said, "Look at your hands! They're smaller than mine!"

So she forcibly grabbed my hand and showed how small it was to hers. I gulped. Then she insisted we compare feet. Mine were bigger than hers (whose feet AREN'T mine bigger than?), and I was able to get off the hook after a girl from the show came in to wonder where I was.

In this room we went into was the reunion party. It seemed to be a mix of people from a lot of my paths in life along with people that don't exist in the non-dream world. (That is to say, when I saw them, I completely remembered them from points in my life that never happened, but my dream-self had context.)

I saw Shauna (my first crush from high school), Debates, some people from Lister. One bigger German guy who I'm pretty sure was gay came up to me and embraced me, saying how much he missed me. Shauna made some sort of remark, which made me mock-glare at her, pointing at her and miming "I'll kill you!" This made people laugh, especially when I'd look back at the gay German adoringly, only to glare again at Shauna, still miming threats.

The part at which I woke up finished with a surprise cameo from Canton, who looked to be about forty, until I realized that he had dyed his hair grey and given himself stage makeup wrinkles for effect.

"You looked a lot younger, Canton, when I last saw you...THIS AFTERNOON!"

* * *

Last night, Canton, Dev and I went to play some Deadlands RPG, a very dark magic-infested Wild West setting.

My character, Barney Bailum (Think on that. You'll figure it out...) is a snake oil salesman, a man famous for the fast talk, and even more famous for his sheer greed. Canton plays my twelve-year-old son, Petey.

We were in a town where some friends of ours ran into some demons who blew up some churches and blamed them for it. So this session was all about getting our reputation back and foiling some baddies.

Dev and I made this plan up where we'd have an outdoor church service, since the main church was now uninhabitable. Dev, who's character is an Anglican priest, and I would bring all the townsfolk together so we can see which one is possessed by the demon, and we can exorcise it and maintain our good name.

Dev's mentor was an old bishop that you just didn't want to mess with. And when it came time for our service, where we had a donation offering to build a new church, the bishop had warned me specifically that all the money went to the church.

Dev started off by bringing the mayor up on stage, who had the demon on his back. He started off by hoodwinking the mayor into giving a lot of money to rebuild the church. I was acting as the deacon, and when six hundred dollars was placed into my hat, Dev said, "You've made this town very happy, mayor."

I decided my character would be stuck to his promise to the bishop, and could only watch, horrified, as people put loads of money into his hat that he could not touch. Barney started bawling. "Yes, Mayor, you've made the church (sob sob) very happy." Single tears ran down my cheeks.

The room was laughing its collective ass off, to the sight of the greediest man in our game having no choice but to not touch the over fourteen hundred dollars in his hat, and still playing the part of the deacon to Dev's minister.

"Boo hoo! I'm so, so HAPPY. Boo hoo hoo hooo..."

Well, I think I've neglected this enough, don't you?

2005-08-04T21:41:00.000-06:00

Yeah, almost two weeks without an update isn't cool.

And as much as I'd love to blame it on work and whatnot, it's not entirely due to that.

Although I did lose a day off due to remerchandising the store according to the new Source by Circuit City plans. While I lost a day, Mark had to work three 12 hour days in a row to get the store to the halfway-complete stage it is now. So I'm not horribly bad off.

It's just another reason I don't want to jump up to the ranks of tSbCC Manager. While the money's a bit greener, the workload isn't. At least I get overtime for my AM overages.

And our store's looking good. Damn well better, after all the work we've been putting into it.

So, where were we?

* Kow did the Party in the Park for the World Masters Games at the end of July. While other people have written quite thorough posts about it, I'd just like to say even with all the shit we had to put through that night due to lack of organization, I still enjoyed myself a lot.

And, hey. Free beer. And I'll be the first to admit I started LONG before Dev's second act startup. As soon as it was put on the Ryder truck, I was the first to grab one.

* Kow also applied for this year's Northern Harmony. Fifth (sixth?) time's the charm. We got our application in, and I'm sure we'll be a shoe-in for it once again. Hell, we're NoHarm ironmen, all things considered.

And if we get the same kind of publicity we garnered last year due to it? All the better.

* Dev, Canton and I dove into 24, Season 3, on DVD recently. Because we're bitches, we crack wise during some parts of any show we watch.

In the first ep, someone mentioned they had only hours to find a terrorist's bio-weapon.

Me: (pretending to be a character) "TWENTY FOUR hours, actually!"

Dev: "And that's REAL TIME!"

Me: "Hey, baby, did I mention you're one TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX?"

Dev boos. Canton throws pillows.

We finished the first two discs. The first third is complete.

* Nathan Fillion, Edmonton-born Hollywood actor (you might remember him from this, this, this, or maybe even this), ripped on our juggernaut comics store, Warp One. Too much has been said on this, so I'll just let you see the whole story (and a sheer crapload of speculation and insults) from various sources.

I'll just say that while this is pretty typical (from stories from friends and acquaintances) from the way that Mr. Minty treats people, and that Warp One's pricing can be high, I'm still willing to pay the price they offer their comics for.

Also, since the shop's only two blocks away from my house, I tend to frequent it. Although there IS Wizard's on 109th, and I've heard good things about Happy Harbor on 124th and Jasper.

For the meantime, nothing's changing with my buying habits at Warp.

*And now, a story from work:

Let it be said, that while it can be a pretty assholish thing to say, nothing gives me more joy at the Source by Circuit City than kicking kids out of my store. Once, after a particularly bad day, it was shocking that throwing some truants out didn't actually improve my mood.

Usually it does.

A few days ago, there were two ten- or twelve-year olds (max) screwing around with the electric guitar. Figuring that the fifteen minutes they spent in my store was MORE than enough, I approached them with my usual "polite" story (so I actually sound like I have a reason, instead of being a complete prick).

Me: Hey, guys. Where are your parents?

Kid: (not even looking at me) At home.

Me: Oh. Well, I'm sorry, but I don't let kids in my store without their parents. If your parents aren't around, then you'll have to leave.

Kid: We're not kids.

Me: Oh? Well, you can leave now, regardless of if you're kids or not.

And I kicked them out. And of course, that's where my wit started, and I was thinking of all those things I should have said to make me sound like I'm Oscar Wilde on my blog here.

Like, "If you're younger than me, you're a kid. (Turn to my manager, Mark) Sorry, man, that means you, too." Or, "If you're not a kid, then can I see your driver's license, please?"

Stuff like that. As it was, that was a definite "my mood got a lot better" occasion.

Nothing much else happening. I'm reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I'm halfway through, and am certain I will finish it before the weekend.

* Oh, I loved the new "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory," which I saw with a few of my friends. Having only seen the Gene Wilder '70s version once, I didn't have childhood nostalgia ruining this Tim Burton version.

It's a lot truer to the book, and I loved everything about this one. At times, pictures from the book seemed to have inspired certain scenes and shots. And I teared up when Charlie shared his birthday chocolate bar with his family, and everyone would nibble it slightly to keep the bar longer.

It's no real secret that Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was one of my absolute favourite books when I was growing up. I must have read that one about fifty times, along with the Great Glass Elevator.

So this movie hit me on all the right notes.

* I've been playing a lot of Warcraft recently, now that Morg and Marauder have started playing. Fun stuff.

* I'm looking forward to my vacation coming up just in time for Fringe. Kow shows, seeing a lot of theatre, improv stuff, and seeing old friends is a good way to spend a week and a bit. And also not working. Wheee!

So that's about all for now. I'll be speeding up my updates now. Won't get as distracted. Must post and not procrastinate!

Another day, another personality test.

2005-07-21T21:57:00.000-06:00

My friend Ryan found this quiz online, and so I thought I'd take it. My results?

Televangelist
You are 42% Rational, 57% Extroverted, 0% Brutal, and 57% Arrogant.

As the Lord as my witness, I swear upon the good book that you are indeed the TELEVANGELIST! Characterized by extreme arrogance, self-assurance, and extroversion, you would make a very charismatic leader (or a very despotic one). On top of that, you are also more intuitive than rational, predisposing you to a more spiritual or emotional outlook on life. Thus, you are thoroughly irrational. You also tend to be rather gentle and considerate of others' feelings. Clearly, you would make the perfect televangelist. Emotional, extroverted, arrogant, and gentle, you annoy the hell out of people who have to listen to the feel-good, intuitive shit spewing from your mouth. Not only that, but people may look down on you as a self-centered asshat. So while you are gentle and genuinely care about others, it is quite clear that you still care about yourself MORE. Why is your personality flawed? Because you are too damned extroverted, emotional, and arrogant. So preach your irrational message, brotha-man!
I assure you, no one will be listening!

To put it less negatively:

1. You are more INTUITIVE than rational.

2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted.

3. You are more GENTLE than brutal.

4. You are more ARROGANT than humble.

Compatibility:

Your exact opposite is the Spiteful Loner.

Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Hippie, the Starving Artist, and the Robot.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 22% on Rationality
You scored higher than 61% on Extroversion
You scored higher than 0% on Brutality
You scored higher than 65% on Arrogance

Link: The Personality Defect Test written by saint_gasoline on Ok Cupid

So, let me get this straight here. I got a Brutality Rating of ZERO PER CENT?

Eh, at least I didn't get Sasquatch nerd, like D! suggested I might. (Stupid robot...)

A bigger post tomorrow, I promise. Off to wrestling.

Thanks for the invite!

2005-07-15T10:53:00.000-06:00

Two days ago, I got the following email in my mailbox.

Dear Andrea,

The department of Art and Design would like to offer you a space in our program. Please find attached, a letter of acceptance to the Bachelor of Fine Arts program. I will forward this to the Faculty of Arts and the Registrar's Office to request admittance on your behalf.

Please send me an email immediately to indicate whether or not you would like to accept our invitation.

Thank-you.

Now I was confused, since I don't remember applying for the Fine Arts program at the U of A. Also, my name wasn't Andrea and I wasn't from Calgary.

I sent a letter back to the registrar, saying that it went to the wrong place, and that she should try again. I figured out Andrea's last name was Kowalchuk, and if her email address happened to be something like akow@telus.net, then one letter accidentally dropped off would go directly into the Kow mailbox. Which leads to my computer.

As it was, the email address was similar, but only if you leave off the full first name of her father. So, there you go.

Now you people can stop congratulating me.

* * *

At our last Kow meeting, we had the Wombats join us, since they've also got an outdoor stage this Fringe. We're trying to figure out ways to cross promote each other and occasionally join each other's shows.

Obviously, for Kow to be useful during an improv show, we can sing background music for a particular sketch, or make noises, or so forth. But how do we get them in our show? Dev and I were trying to mull it over. We decided maybe we can let them do one of our many rants (such as mine in Spider-Man, Canton's in Sukiyaki, Astro's in Faith, etc.). It'd be an easy thing for us to vamp while they promote their show or something.

At the end of the meeting, I asked Paul how many shows they had. "Sixteen," Paul said.

"Yeah, we would have had sixteen too, but we can't make three of them. So I guess we'll drop them."

"Whoa!" Paul said. "Don't drop a show! Why would you do that?"

I explained that Astro and Barber will still be doing their day jobs during Fringe, so it'll be impossible for them to make the very early afternoon shows, like 12:45 pm and 2:00 pm. And it would be super-hard for Canton, Dev and I to trio these slots.

But what we decided to do is to share the slots with the Wombats. Canton, Dev and I are all pretty decent improvisers, and it could be a pretty fun show with Paul and Randy. Hell, with five of us, we can even make it a special Pavlov Improv Fringe show. Now that would be cool.

* * *

On Wednesday evening, Roland and I were closing the store. At about 8:30, this man comes in, wanting to upgrade his cell phone. I'm handling him, but I need to see what can be done, since he's off a monthly plan, and I'd need to switch him to a whole new plan. While I was calling Rogers, he went for something to eat.

"Man," I told Roland. "Looks like I'm not getting out of here until 10 pm at least!"

"Why?" he asked me.

The clock was currently 8:50. It would be hard for me to renew his plan, do the upgrade, and help this guy out before I could properly leave.

As it was, his old plan was something like 1600 minutes monthly, free long distance anywhere in North America, and included "By the Second Billing," something Rogers hasn't offered in three years.

So I had to change his plan, which would kill the second billing, and the price has gone up by $30 a month.

This guy was pretty pushy, too. But all I could think was "It's a sale, he'll be out of here. It's a sale, he'll be out of here." So I kept my cool.

At about 9:30, he told me he was impressed with my handling of him, and asked me if I wanted a job at his company, which would pay me more than what I'm making here. As I always do when I'm headhunted, I thanked him, but said I'm doing fine where I am.

Besides, if the guy frustrated me for an hour when I'm doing a cell phone, think of how often I'd get pissed off when dealing with him day in, day out.

As it was, I was done with him at 10 pm. And still had to close the store. I left the store one tired Jago at 10:30, ruing the fact that tomorrow I'd be doing a 12 hour shift right after this one.

So I get in and start my twelve hours, selling and putting away stock, thinking to myself, "Look towards Saturday. Look towards Saturday."

At 12:00 pm, Roland calls in sick. Swell. He was the only other person scheduled. So now I'm doing a 12 hour shift alone. I'm tired after a twelve regardless, but when I'm stressed out, can't get anything to eat, can't leave the store, can't hit the washroom? My day just hit rock bottom.

I called up Mark and told him the news. He told me he'd come in a bit. For a little while. Which was better than the alternative, mind you.

He came about 2 or 2:30. And was distracted with Ron, another manager, who was giving the store a visit. So I ran for some food.

He happened to pick the busy time to come, because when I came back with my oh-so-deserved sub, I had to spend another fifteen minutes helping customers. And then told him I was going to eat.

In the back room, I unwrap the sub, and am about to take a huge bite, when another rush comes. Sigh. He left again at 4. So I was alone until 9.

The reason I appreciate people with me during my twelve hour shifts, is that my mind tends to shut down about the ten hour mark or so. I end up making mistakes, losing my focus, just not caring.

Which is why, during another busy period at 7 pm, where I was selling a guy an Expressvu system and there was a lineup, some older kids managed to walk out of the store with a $120 toy. When I noticed it missing two hours later (my brain had shut off), I was livid.

So today I start to work at Kingsway for a few days. It's nice that Jeff thought of me as someone to run his store while he's gone. But I wasn't so happy to do it when my store's got a guy who's being investigated by Loss Prevention, and our girl's not comfortable enough to be left on her own.

Good thing Mark's getting a new employee today. No, wait. He has to train as well as do everything else? Yipes.

Well, good thing I'm at a store where there's two or three new hires. No, wait. I have to train as well as keep the store in shape? Double yipes.

Finally...

2005-07-12T20:34:00.000-06:00

So, yeah, I've been delinquent here at my journal. Hope you guys are starving for some Jago writing...

Now it's been a fairly long time since my last post telling you about some stuff. When it comes to wrestling, it looks like Canton's got it covered. Needless to say, my boss has really shown my friends and I some great matches that have us fearing for Mark's life.

Inventory: Never really PROPERLY done, since Mark and I both had a crapload of commitments that were keeping us from taking a good amount of time to do the inventory. There was about a 19% error in what we had vs. what we should have had, but we were expecting that, with what the previous managers weren't doing. Looks like there might be another one when I'm on vacation. And when Mark's wrestling. Yipes.

Justice's Bachelor Party: A fun time, although I had to leave early due to inventory the next day.

At one point, I was asking Justice about what his dad must have thought of me back in the days where I'd go over to the Engel house for wrestling.

Me: I can just imagine your dad asking, "Adam, who's that driving around the block four times?"

(A very inebriated) Justice: [silently shocked, whispered] You just said the dead man's name.

Me: Oh fer... I was referring to a time BEFORE you changed your name.

Justice: I don't care. I can't believe you'd call me by the dead man's name!

What followed was a five minute debate over the logistics of telling stories from a time BEFORE Justice Gray and what I should call him if speaking as someone in that timeframe.

Since I'm on the subject of Justice, let's skip to the wedding that occurred this Saturday.

Dev and I went, and were afraid there might not be many people from our circle of friends there. We were right. There was our friend Mike ushering, and Justice came by to give us hugs before the ceremony, but otherwise, we were on our own.

I realized during the wedding that Helen's the sister of one of my old Grant Mac Journalism classmates. This was realized when I saw Jo-Jo as a bridesmaid, and wondered if that was indeed her, since we haven't seen each other/talked for five years. It was only when I heard her talk that I could confirm it.

(Funny thing was, I'm pretty sure when I got the invite last month, I saw "Helen Mah" and asked myself, "Wouldn't it be funny if she was related to Jo-Jo?")

Dev had brought his travel mug full of coffee (it was an early noon service), and I snickered when, during the processional, everyone stood up and turned around to watch the bride come down the aisle. When Helen was a pew away from us, Dev instinctively went for a drag from his mug before realizing that he was in full view of the bride at this point.

At the reception, we were pleased to be seated with some people we knew: Mike and my old friend Otis, who's disappeared off my social list some three years ago. There was a lot of catching up and socializing at our table (which, according either to the gods or to people who know us, traditionally is as far away from the head table as we can be.)

Justice's friend Suresh was master of ceremonies, along with Jo-Jo. Problem is, Suresh's style of humour, while fine for Justice, is not the best choice for the dozens of elder family members who prefer their socials to be more, um, socially acceptable.

Suresh decided to improv at times, which led to such precious moments as offending all of the Mah side of the reception when he said "Chinese, Japanese, whatever you are..."

There was a gasp and then a silence. One of the younger Chinese kids broke the silence with an extremely well-placed "Let's get 'im!"

My favourite part of the evening was the toast to the groom, done by his best man, Philip. I was crying. Mostly from the laughing-so-hard-I-couldn't-see-or-breathe aspect.

Philip: "My job is to talk about my friend Justice Gray. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how good at that I'll be, considering I've only known Justice for four years, and that was primarily through e-mail and the very occasional telephone call."

In my mind: "Eh? I thought Philip and Justice met in elementary school."

Philip: "Now, Adam Engel, on the other hand..."

From my table, a loud chorus of "Whoooo!"s and whooping was heard. (Damn. I knew they put us there for a reason.)

Philip then goes into this story of a lot of Adam's prior alter egos over the course of their friendship. I couldn't see I was laughing so hard.

Good wedding, a fun time afterwards.

* * *

A few weeks ago, I was working by myself. I was preoccupied with some paperwork and only noticed the girl who was waiting patiently on the other side of the counter.

I start. "Oh! Hi! How can I help you?"

"Are you hiring?"

I look her over. She's blonde, very cute, and relatively tall. I look her over again.

"Always."

I take her resume. She was professional, wasn't looking like she just stepped out of bed. I consider who Mark would have to fire to hire this girl. I then contemplate if I'd be able to get any work done with her around.

After five minutes of carefully considering if she'd be too much of a distraction, I decided I could be professional about it. Unfortunately, we couldn't justify hiring a fifth person on staff. I faxed her resume into district office.

Over the course of the next few weeks, I'd talk Tannis up in front of Mark, hissing, when I could, "Hire this girl!"

* * *

This past week, I had to hit Rogers training. Even though I've taken the course before. Even though I'm one of the select few that's certified by Rogers. (Sorry, had to take a rain break. It started to storm here, and it's blazing hot inside the house. I went out onto the porch for a few minutes and let the rain cool me down. I am a little damp, but much cooler now. On with the story.) But two days off of work is two days off of work. So I go.

On the first day of training, at the TD Tower elevators, I notice a cute girl standing, looking confused. She starts following me into the elevator, and asks me if I'm going to training. Oh, okay. A very cute girl in the class with me. Nice.

At training, I notice three very good looking girls. Seriously, three in the running for hottest ladies in the district. And they're all training with me. Score!

When we introduce ourselves to the rest of the room, I say, "Hi, I'm Kyle from Westmount. I've been with the company for five years, took this course last year, passed it, and have now been certified by Rogers. So I'm not sure what I'm doing here."

When they get to the cute girl from the elevator, it wasn't until she said, "Hi, my name is Tannis," that I realized it was the girl who dropped her resume off. So she WAS hired. Score!

Over the course of the two days, I was hanging out with all three girls (Tannis - West Edmonton Mall, Eve - Bonnie Doon, Skyler - St. Albert) during lunch time and during the session. I didn't know how bad I had it until the review for the test came.

Guss, our trainer, unbeknownst to everyone in the room (except for me, who suspected he'd do this), was reviewing questions word for word off the test. And even though I knew it was happening, I couldn't concentrate for one reason.

I was...imagining... what...actions of a carnal nature... would be like with these three girls. And I only realized I was daydreaming for a good ten minutes when I brought myself out of the reverie and finding out I missed about 25 questions on the review.

As it was, I'm pretty sure I passed the test. And, hey, I got a very good daydream out of it. A very good daydream.

As I was joking around with Dev over MSN later that night:

Me: So I was with three beautiful girls during training today. Sooo hot.

Dev: So you do anything with them?

Me: Seven times. Twice each individually, once with all three.

Dev: Score.

Me: Now, mind you, I'm not the guy who kisses and tells here...But since there was no actual kissing, I think I'm able to tell in this case.

Dev: Sweet. Do tell.

Me: You're not buying any of this, are you?

Dev: Are you selling anything?

Me: Not half as well as Eve sold that one trick she does that...

Me: Nah, I got nothing.

* * *

Listening to: Sonic 102.9 radio. There's not many songs I don't like on this station. I can only think of one offhand, and I really with The Transplants would just die. But otherwise? I heard the freakin' SHINS today, with a song off the Garden State Soundtrack. Awesome.

Reading: Just finished Jennifer Government, by Max Barry, recently. A very good satire of a world where corporations rule, with enough tongue-in-cheekiness to keep it from getting preachy or too dark. Also, I'm really loving this blog, written by a very well-written bouncer on the New York club scene.

BANG!

2005-06-29T00:06:00.000-06:00

This is an MIT study of weblogging. I'd invite anyone who reads this to take ten minutes out of their day and fill it out.

It's for SCIENCE!

Posts about inventory, working my ass off, wrestling, and Justice's bachelor party to follow...

The hell?

2005-06-24T00:48:00.000-06:00

Going to D!'s to watch some SmackDown!, I pulled into the Safeway parking lot. On Sonic 102.9, they were playing this song that sounded very familiar. But it wasn't the version I was thinking of. So I'm trying to place the song by the tune (sort of) and the lyrics.

"Must be a cover of a song I know," I thought.

After a few lines (What have I become? My sweetest friend), I realized that it wasn't a cover after all, but was instead the original "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails, instead of the Johnny Cash version that I' m used to.

I don't think I've ever heard Trent Reznor sing that one before...

* * *

While shopping in the Safeway, I came across a headline in the Globe and Mail that read something along the lines of "20 Years Ago, Canada's Own 9/11."

What? We're referring to old disasters as versions of an attack that happened 17 years later?

It was talking about the Air India bomb that was placed on a plane in Vancouver, and detonated just before reaching Ireland.

So is this what I have to look forward to? I've already resigned myself to the fact that what happened on September 11th will be trivialized and watered down by everything and anything tragic that will inevitably be linked to the World Trade Center. But will I be seeing England's Guy Fawkes Day turn into "9/11, except over four hundred years prior, and nothing really happened, but otherwise, exactly the same freaking thing?"

God, sometimes I really hate the media...

Uneasy with the slightest hint of celebrity...

2005-06-23T20:22:00.000-06:00

So Canton and I went to Pub 1905 for dinner a few nights back. (Good food, decent prices for what we thought might be a more trendy experience than, say, the Next Act, and MY GOD! The Menu! Fifty hundred hot dogs! Mixed greens with a dill vinaigrette! As Canton said, "Why haven't we ever come by here before? And this is going to be one of our new places, isn't it?")

When we sat down, the busboy came by us and said, "Hey, you guys are in Apocalypse Kow, aren't you?"

We nodded.

"Man, you guys are cool. Especially that one Green Day classical song. And that web flash Christmas cartoon you guys made..."

Canton: "What? Do you remember the link?"

BB: "I might have it around in a email somewhere. What's the problem? Copyright infringement?"

Me: "No, we just never heard about a flash cartoon that might have our music in it." (Especially since we've never really released anything that might sound better than a bootleg Fringe CD.)

As it happened, it wasn't our version of the song that has a Santa boogieing around a trio of reindeer. Must be the original college version from somewhere down in the States, since that's the group WE stole it from. (A funny story comes to mind about how we had that in our set list for a Northern Harmony a few years back. When the Heebee-jeebees sang their version of Aerosmith's "Don't Want to Miss A Thing" with a background arrangement of Pachebel's Canon a set before OUR version of Green Day's "Basket Case" with a background arrangement of Pachebel's Canon. Man, were we freaked out...)

Still, I get recognized around the city here more than some people. Mostly it happens when Canton and I hang out together, because people are more apt to recognize two of a group of five more than just a singe member.

Even at work, I've had customers ask if I'm part of Kow.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I'm on par with a Ryan Smith or any Edmonton celebrity. Just that I'm a bit uncomfortable when people recognize me on the street for anything other than being me.

Because that means that Kow's grown in leaps and bounds since they days we'd be a part of the Carnival of Shrinking Youth and do the occasional concert for our friends.

And I've known this ever since we've been a part of Fringe (which, for those who haven't heard, we've been accepted to again. Woo!) and our attempts at recording and the recognition factor.

Hell, the fact that we're MCing and singing at a party for competitors of the World Masters Games? Knowing someone on the board only got us so far, but I'm still coming to grips with the fact that we're not just the little group we used to be.

I'm happy that we're at the point we are, but I'm just concerned when our "celebrity" might eventually become celebrity, on a city scale, anyways...

But that's just my insecurities jumping down my throat. Seriously, the only reason I posted this was to get it out of my system.

So, in a nutshell, happy for Kow, happy for "success," freaked out at people knowing who I am.

But that's just something I'll have to get used to...

Odd Transformations 28: Musical?

2005-06-19T11:07:00.000-06:00

So I had a dream I was cast in a musical for something or other. It might have been for Oran, but I'm pretty sure I remember my high school drama teacher in the proceedings.

We were on this stage at some high school, I guess, since there was a walkway over top of the stage. Before anything musically happened, I was sitting there and kept on getting hit by projectiles (bottles, binders) thrown by people waling above me.

In the actual musical, I was playing an Indian brave (Tommy Two-Feathers, according to one of the lines.) My chief was boxing or wrestling in the finale. I remember having my own solo song at one point (which was fun, since we only had one rehearsal before we staged it).

Also, in the ending moments, my chief was getting in the ring, when all of a sudden, his opponents grew in a green glow, going to three times my chief's size.

I look to the side, and there's the traitor of the musical, none other than Reed Richards, scientific genius of the Marvel Universe and part of the Fantastic Four. And he was being financed by evil corporation Sony, who didn't want my chief to win.

Yeah, strange dream. And it featured a lot of cameos, such as Chapman behind the sound booth, who kept trying to add his own personal embellishments to the musical that weren't needed.

I got in!

2005-06-17T10:11:00.000-06:00

This year, I took a year off of choirs other than Kow. After ten years of the Mixed Chorus, I thought it best to just not have anything on my plate for concerts and rehearsals.

Not having to give up a week of my vacation for a tour that would always leave me more ragged than I began. Not having to book off a lot of December to shoehorn in all the Christmas concerts.

In about May, or maybe a little earlier, I realized that, while it was refreshing to take a year off, I was jonesing for a new choir.

I was certainly not going to head back to the Mixed Chorus, since every year, the choir gets younger and younger. Hell, I was "old guard" back in 1997. I didn't really want to be the guy who's just hanging around because there's no place to go.

In February, I saw Oran's performance of an entire concert of African songs, and I was enraptured.

I had a few friends in the choir, like Astro and his wife, and the Chungs. And there's an old friend from Moose Jaw there as well.

When Bob, my Mixed Chorus director, emailed me asking if I wanted to apply for the Greenwood Singers, I was torn. I certainly couldn't join TWO choirs and expect to be sane.

So it became a matter of, "Which choir would I enjoy myself more in?"

While I like Bob as a conductor, I've been singing with him for ten years. I thought it was time for a change, as I'm sure I'd learn different stuff from Scott Leithead, one of the conductors from Oran. Plus, I couldn't pass up singing with some old friends.

So I booked an audition with Oran.

On Wednesday, I was pretty nervous. It was the first time I had to audition for a choir in ten years. Although Astro kept saying "You're a guy who can sing. How can you NOT get in?"

For my a cappella piece, I decided to do "Spider-Man." It's one of my only solos, and shows off most of my higher range. While my low range is good, it doesn't work for volume, which is something I thought I'd be needing.

Before the audition, Scott had me fill out this form about myself. It asked what I brought to the party, what things I was hoping to learn, experience, etcetera.

Scott welcomed me and said, "You look familiar."

"Well, I DO sing in Apocalypse Kow with Astro."

"Right! Kow! Now I remember. Kow's awesome."

I was still nervous, but it was a little better now that Scott remembered who I was.

On the sheet, it asked which choirs I've been with. So, with confidence, I wrote the following:

A.E. Peacock Jazz Choir (1991-1994)
A.E. Peacock Concert Choir (1991-1994)
University of Alberta Mixed Chorus (1995-2004)
Apocalypse Kow (1997-present)

When he looked over the sheet, he yelled out, "You went to PEACOCK?"

Me: "Yeah, that's where I went to high school."

Scott: "Who did you sing under?"

Me: "Allison Litt."

Scott: "Oh, Allison. She's amazing, isn't she?"

Me: "I enjoyed myself in that choir."

So, another point in my favour.

When I sang Spider-Man, I didn't realize how much I'd miss the rest of Kow backing me up. Man, that's scary, singing a cappella when you're solo.

I did well in my listening tests, and had a decent sight reading test.

So I thought I had a better than even chance of getting in. It wasn't the greatest audition known to man, in my opinion, but we are talking about me here, who's pretty self-critical.

So I'd be reloading the website every few hours, looking for the audition results.

They finally went up this morning, and I'm now a part of Oran.

So, my choir adventures will continue for the next year or few years.

I'm happy and relieved. Because I hate auditions.

It should be a very fun time.

Odd Transformations 27: Pantomime and wrestling bosses

2005-06-08T11:04:00.000-06:00

My dream today involved me driving back to Moose Jaw for a special acting project I was asked to participate in.

My old drama teacher, LJ, called me up to take part in this silly play that was being held during the MJ Music Festival, I guess, since the audience was a lot of musicians.

I was involved in something else (vaguely, it was in a church or community hall), and I had to leave Dev and Canton to go to this play. Someone had already taken my script to the play, so I'd meet up with them and collect it then.

For some reason, Mark was with me, and my car ran out of gas in the north side of MJ, about a half-block away from a Shell. So we pushed the car over to the gas station and filled up.

Due to my car running out of gas, I arrived a little late to the auditorium and scrambled to get into costume. I was playing a haughty prince, and I guess the reason I was asked to do this is because it's pretty much a pantomime (in the British "holy crap, this is being played completely overboard" sense, not the "no talking, bitches!" sense) that involves musical numbers.

So I couldn't find my script, and when it was time for my first entrance (where I find out my horse has just died), I start adlibbing, which is great for all the kids in the audience. When someone DOES give me the script (it was a staged reading), I start my lines from where I thought we were starting.

I realize I actually skipped over a page and a half of pretty important dialogue. And mutter, under my breath, "Ah hell."

* * *

Since I' ve been driving in Westmount this past week, I've been lucky enough to take the River Valley road to work.

It's great that I get to drive one of the most beautifully scenic roads in Edmonton twice a day.

(in best Groucho voice) And the trees ain't half bad neither...

Hot Wrasslin' Action (THE LONGER ENTRY KNOWN TO MAN!)

2005-06-04T12:43:00.000-06:00

(The title's because I screwed up while typing to Grank. So, there you go, Grank. It's now the title of this post.)

So this week was my first week at Westmount, as well as the taping of Smackdown! here in Edmonton.

There's a guy at the store who I've really despised ever since I first got a call from him when I was working downtown. Garry's the kind of guy who you know is an idiot from the first time he speaks.

And so, every time I received a call from Westmount, it was all I could do to not yell at him over the phone, calling him an idiot and to just quit the company.

When Mark took over Westmount, I told him my Garry stories, but it took Mark a face-to-face to realize how much of a dope the guy is.

I was so scared that on Wednesday, the first day the Garry and I would work together, the first thing I would do upon seeing him would be to break his nose, hardcore.

Well, Garry reminds me of a substitute teacher I had back in elementary, looks-wise. He's in his 40s, and, unlike that sub, completely clueless. Seriously, it's taking me back to the days I worked with Real. Or Tanner. Or Anthony. Or Emmanuel. Or Marilyn. Or Barry.

Just typing that now, I realize how much of my career at RadioShack has been spent working with idiots. Hold on a minute while I shoot myself.

Okay, I'm back. Missed my head, got my shoulder instead. So I'm bleeding all over my keyboard for you patrons. Hope you're happy.

One of the things that Mark and I have been worried about is the amount of in-store theft has been going on. Like how a GPS unit has mysteriously vanished, along with the box from the back room. This inventory's going to be the funniest one I've ever been a part of, I think.

The other two in this equation of four is the sheer amount of teenagers, mostly native, who call or come in the store asking for Garry. So why are kids who I really shouldn't profile, but hey, half my job is figuring out who's stealing from my store, calling a 42-year-old dope?

My three theories are as follows:

a) Garry's selling them drugs.
b) Garry's stealing stuff from the store for these kids.
c) Garry's stealing stuff from the store in order to buy drugs to sell them. (so, really, a+b)

The scariest is when a two-year-old Chinese kid came by the store with his mother, and said in a two-year-old shouting voice, "Where's Mr. Garry? Mr. Garry?"

What? What the hell?

Due to these things, and mostly because he's been one of the biggest idiots I've met, Mark and I want him out.

Yesterday, Mark laid into him in the back room while I was helping customers. I only heard a bit of it when I went into the back room. (Keep in mind, they were shouting. I really don't want to have five paragraphs completely in bold block letters.)

(I open the door)

Mark: Why won't you use this bathroom?

Garry: It's dirty!

Mark: I just cleaned it!

Garry: I've got medication! You want to know what for?

Mark: Not particularly.

Garry: Diarrhea. You happy?

Mark: And you won't use this bathroom because?

Garry: I just won't!

(I leave the room, without the box I came in for.)

So when Mark leaves, Garry decides to bitch and moan to me about his. Even though I repeatedly said I didn't want to get involved, and that he should just do his job. (For the record, Mark, I'm not sure which is worse: Typical idiot Garry, or bitchy moany Garry. They're both bad. Fire them both. Fire every incarnation of Garry that comes along. Especially Senor Garry. I hate that sombrero.)

So I decide I'm going to clean up a booth full of audio cables, because it's one of the things that I REALLY must fix.

When I poke my head out to see how things are, Garry's talking with a fifteen-year-old native kid. And I don't let this kid out of my sight. So Garry asks if he can do to the washroom, take a break. I mumble, "Whatever."

I just have to ask this: Why's he going to the washroom with a fifteen-year-old native kid? There's not really a good reason for that, I'm sure.

* * *

On to something happier that my work situation: The Smackdown! taping! Whoo!

Before the show on Tuesday, I decided to hang out with Elimination at his place. This was one warm day, and I needed to pick up some sign-making stuff, such as bristol board and markers.

Apparently, Tuesday at 3 pm is bad on Whyte Ave when it's so nice out. Wha? I can see on a weekend, but Tuesday mid-afternoon? Whatever. I've got my A/C on, my tunes playing it's all good.

I get to Fox Drive before I realize my ticket to Smackdown is still on my counter at home. I turn around, at the breakneck speed of 20 kph, since traffic's horrible.

Halfway home, I notice my air conditioning starts bringing forth the hottest air I can imagine. I look at the console, and my engine's overheating. Shit.

I get home, pick up my ticket, and drive the five blocks to the Esso. It takes me five minutes, which seems a lot longer because I'm holding my car together with the power of my hope and desperation.

I go into the station, and tell the cashier, "Okay. I'll be straight with you. When it comes to cars, I'm a huge idiot. But if my engine's overheating, would that be because of the coolant being low?"

He thinks a bit. "That could be the case. Seriously, I'm not the best with engines."

I open the hood, and steam comes out. Yipes. I open the coolant container and see some fluid in there. I take the manual out of my glovebox and read about the coolant situation. In bold print, it reads, "LET THE CAR COOL DOWN BEFORE OPENING THE COOLANT LID."

Whoops. Well, no harm done, I think. I let the car cool down a bit, and decide to take my chances getting to Elimination's place.

Of course, my eye's locked on the temperature gauge, which is still redlining. I'm fretting, I must admit, since, as I must have mentioned when I first got the Escort, this is MY first car. The other ones I drove in Moose Jaw, and they were owned by my parents. I was safely at home with Dad and Brade, who knew a lot more about cars then I did. If anything happened, I wouldn't really need to worry.

Once I hit Fox Drive and am actually moving properly, the gauge drops to halfway. Whew. "So," I realize, "when an engine is starting and stopping and not going past 40, it heats. When it's smooth sailing and above 60 kph, there's ventilation. Good to know." I still don't turn on the A/C, just in case.

I hang out with Elimination after getting some supplies and food. Chap shows up, and we start making signs. I make the "Solid Steel Sign," a now-Jago-trademark when it comes to wrestling shows. Chap makes a "Haas of Pain" sign, since he's gay for Charlie Haas. Which is cool, since he can wrestle real well.

When we head out, I ask if it's cool to take Chap's car. I really don't want to have a dead car on the way to Smackdown! No probs.

We meet up with D!, Marauder and Gibble at ~~Northlands Coliseum~~ ~~Skyreach Centre~~ Rexall Place and find our seats. They're on the same side as the cameras, which is too bad, since it's harder for us to be on TV. But we've got a great view of the ring and are pretty sure we can be heard.

In the dark match (non-televised match), we've got Harry Smith (the son of the British Bulldog), against this other guy who I've never seen wrestle (George King).

At last month's Prairie Wrestling Alliance show (the fed my boss wrestles for), I got there from work just in time to see Mark and his tag partner, Phoenix, wrestle. He had told me that his opponent, JD, had been trashtalking him to some friends, and so Mark and Phoenix would be playing it a little real, rough him up a little during the match.

JD came out with his tag team partner, Harry Smith. Now, my boss is a few inches shorter than me (he's about 6'), but skinny as hell. Phoenix is shorter, but built. JD's about in between the two.

But Harry? He dwarfed everyone in the ring. He's at least 6'5" or so, and built. D!, Elimination and I were awed at that show.

So when he came to the ring at Smackdown!, we cheered. Unfortunately, he lost his match.

D!: Jago, do you realize we haven't seen Harry win yet? We're his bad luck charm!

The next match was a tag match taped for Velocity, the small one-hour show that mostly recaps what happened on Smackdown! for those that don't have cable.

Teddy Hart, who's one of Gibble's least favourite wrestlers, and JD(!) were in the ring. Gibble starts booing the hell out of Hart, and I start mocking JD, thanks to his history with my boss. So whoever's facing off against them is going to get my cheers.

Too bad it was the Bashams, one of the evil tag teams on the show. I hate cheering for them and their lame-ass two-year-old trick of fooling the referee that should have been stopped after the second month. But cheer for them I did.

Gibble's throwing out these jeers to Teddy: "Hey, Teddy! Do a fucking moonsault! I hope they kick you out of a second federation! Is Ring of Honor calling you at all?" (Except add more swearing.) I'm booing JD. Gibble apologizes to the woman and her two children (probably 10 and 8 in age) behind us for the swearing he's doing. And continues to do.

At which point I realize that I'm playing the part of those assholes at wrestling shows that I hate. YAY!

My other favorite match of the night was a tag-team Most Falls in 15 Minutes match between Charlie Haas (whom Chap is gay for) and Hardcore Holly (who I despise more than JD) vs. MNM, the tag team champs, and D!'s favourite tag team right now.

Man, I lost my voice booing for Hardcore. The cool thing is you can hear our "We Want Spark Plugg" chant on TV (Spark Plugg was Holly's 90s gimmick: The NASCAR driver).

I cheered for everyone in that ring, but every time Holly was tagged in, I'd boo him horribly. Fun times.

It was a good show, and the three and a half hours went by so fast!

Afterwards, we decided to hit a restaurant. But we only had one car and six guys. Elimination, one of the scrawniest of us, took the passenger seat, which kind of confused me. D!, Marauder and I took the back, and had Gibble lay on top of us. Which is when we noticed the cop watching the people leaving the parking lot.

So, after we had Gibble run across the street and then join us again, where we drove to the West Side with him laying on us. His phone rang.

Gibble: "Hey, honey. Yeah, we're just leaving. I'm laying on some guys in the back."

Me: "Don't forget to mention your face is in Marauder's crotch."

Gibble: "Yeah, my face is in Marauder's crotch."

It was a very fun night, and I enjoyed myself immensely. Here's to the next time the WWE comes through town.

No, seriously, I'd be the husband...

2005-05-27T20:29:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, during my day off, Canton and I were messenging.

Canton: Day off again?
Me: Yup. Second in a row.
Canton: We never have our days off together anymore. We never get to spend time together.
Me: Nope.
Canton: My god. We ARE an old, married couple...

Last weekend at Cap, wedding stuff, etc.

2005-05-27T18:33:00.000-06:00

Well, the craziness at Capilano continues. Here I thought I might be able to take a breather, but with the new manager and everything that's going on in my life, it was nice to take two days off and actually vegetate.

* * *

First off, today I found out I was secret shopped. Someone hired by the company came in and judged my selling.

91.8%, baby!

The only thing that didn't work out was me not asking for the sale (that was all the points I lost). So, damn.

But everything else, I nailed, apparently.

The comments read: He was friendly, he was helpful with the MP3 promotion and the different phones and plans they had. The store was clean, too.

So, that's one thing that makes me happy.

Although I'm confused why she thought I was in the 5'4"-5'9" range...

* * *

Canoegirl's wedding was very fun. Although, really, the fun started off with being able to hang out with Jo and Graeme last Friday.

We looked for wedding gifts, and I ended up buying some stuff for my bedroom. And then went to a game store to finish off the visit.

That night, Myles, Marauder, and I, along with a crapload of friends, went to see Episode III.

My conversation with Nee, girlfriend of Marauder:

Me: So, I bought some linens today.

Nee: Oooh! Thread count?

Me: 275, of course. Can't go with a low thread count.

Nee: Squeal! Colour?

Me: It goes like this - I bought an aubergine fitted sheet, an olive top sheet, and aubergine pillowcases. It doesn't quite fit my comforter, which is burgundy, but it'll work.

Nee: Nice!

Me: And it was 30% off! I got a bargain out of the deal. Also, I bought a Ralph Lauren bathsheet. Okay, just so I don't sound completely gay, I also bought some comics...

Ep3 was okay, but nothing to really rave about. A lot of the time I was confused about an athsmatic robot, cringing over Lucas' atrocious dialogue and yelling about how many freaking wipes were there.

Also, it seems like Lucas was trying to plug in every single plothole in order to make us think he had some grand plan.

So, in short, better than the craptastic first two, but it doesn't really hold a candle to the first three.

* * *

The wedding. I rushed to the church in Sherwood Park, and I knew that most of my friends would be involved in the choir, but I declined to be part of it, since I wasn't able to make any of the rehearsals beforehand.

When I got there, ten minutes before the ceremony was to start, I was pulled aside by Liz, who asked if I wanted to sing.

"I dunno," I said. "Would it be fair if I missed all the reharsals?"

"You sang all the songs before, right?"

"Well, yeah."

"We need more men."

So I accepted.

Dev came in about five minutes later. I said, "Hey, Dev! I'm in the choir!"

"Oh," said Dev.

"Wanna join?"

"Dude, it's two minutes before the ceremony!"

"I joined five minutes ago. They need guys, and it's stuff we've sung before."

So, it was a good service (although really short for a Catholic mass) and we sang well, I guess. Father Dave did a darn good job officiating.

Afterwards, Weathergeek, Romes, Roselle,Laura and I went for coffee and caught up.

During the reception, some interesting conversations happened: a lot of people were asking me where Canton was, and how he was doing.

After the fourth person asked me where he was, Dev laughed. "Man, it's like you two are married."

It certainly seemed that way after Dev and someone were talking, and didn't realize there were three bedrooms in our house.

Dev: "Yeah, all that's left in Axler's room is Jago's suitcase."
Bartel: "Where does Jago sleep?"
Dev: "His bedroom."
Bartel: "So there are three bedrooms?"
Dev: "Well, yeah."
Bartel: "Good. I was worried there."

My other favourite conversations of the night:

(Kim's two-year-old, Ethan, is playing with the spinning wheel on the stage with another young'un.)

Kim: "It's a good thing Ethan's not pushing Kayley over."
Me: "Why? Does he have a problem with sharing?"
Kim: "No, he just likes pushing people over."
Me: "So it's not that your son has a problem with sharing, so much as he's an asshole?"

(Kit's changing Caboodle into pyjamas on the stage, in front of everyone.)

Debates: "Man, Kit's changing Caboodle in the most prominent place in the room."
Me: "Meh. You see one striptease, you see them all."
Debates: "So all women look that same in the nude?"
Me: "That's my theory."
Debates: "Is it now?"
Me: "Well, yeah. Granted, I haven't done any testing on the subject. It's still in the hypothesis stage, really."

Other memorable moments include Ethan pulling off my fingers during the dinner (I went along with it, hiding my fingers when he pulled them in the order of pointer, ring - at which point I told Lllloyd, "God, I REALLY hope he goes for the middle one next" - middle finger - Whew -, little finger.), and me catching the garter to the tune of Spider-Man.

Apparently, Canoegirl and Paul REALLY enjoyed the group gift of a Canon Rebel digital camera (so Canoegirl can still use all her old lenses), which is good. I've been decent with wedding gifts in the past. Hopefully, Justice won't be screwed in that respect. (BTW, it's DevIN, not DevON...I spelled it out for you in the email...)

* * *

On Monday, we did the store's inventory, with Jenn, the new manager. The good thing? Both my old bosses, Mark and Chris, were there, so that was fun. The bad thing? Jenn brought her four- and two-year-old children.

Inventory's a stressful enough thing, but once you put two spoiled rugrats in the store after hours, you're playing with fire. Well, they're playing with fire. Well, really, they're playing with everything in the store that isn't nailed down.

And when I'm supposed to be COUNTING everything that isn't nailed down, and I can't find it because of the ever-increasing pile of stuff on the floor? I get mad.

The fuckers broke an alarm clock. And the youngest decided to pee on the floor.

Thank god I had my discman.

* * *

So, tomorrow is my last day here. And Jenn's not in the store because her daughter has a dance recital.

I swear, next week, this place is in danger of burning down. Or falling into a pattern of entropy. Or burning in a fire caused by entropy. Whatever the case, I'm fleeing this ship like a drowning rat.

Whooo!

* * *

Reading: The Millionaires, by Brad Meltzer. Man, Meltzer writes some fun suspenseful books.

Listening to: Feel Good Inc., by the Gorillaz. They're back with a new album! And I haven't danced this much to a song since Hey Ya came out! I think I'll be buying this one...

* * *

Spellcheck of the Week: "What's this "bathsheet" you're writing about? Do you mean BATISTA?" (No joke. Really happened...)

Not to sound like a broken record, but...

2005-05-17T22:05:00.000-06:00

Once again, I'm being transferred.

Becuase Mark and I are doing wonders with Capilano, it looks like it's time to be upgraded to a bigger store.

So Mark's getting Westmount. And, apparently, I'm going with him.

Which is okay in some respects. Because the person who they're thinking of putting in Cap as the new manager, I don't get along with.

(Mostly because as an employee of Sherwood Park, she'd CONSTANTLY phone Chris to bitch and whine about her manager and stuff. Four, five times a day. To the point where, during an inventory that was going long, and the phone rang for the tenth time, I answered the phone by hollering into it.

([Ring ring]

("AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"

("Kyle?"

("Oh, hey, Blaine. Sorry, I thought you were Jen.")

When Mark told me I'd be staying behind for a bit so I could ease the new manager in, I asked who would be taking over.

"Most likely Jen."

The look of shock and abject horror made him laugh.

Mark had the choice between Northgate and Westmount. He chose Westmount because it's easier for him to get to from his house.

If it were me, I probably would have taken Northgate, simply due to the fact that the current manager isn't the idiot that the last manager of Westmount was. I'm predicting one very, very entropic store there, mostly because Linda couldn't manage a cardboard box, and Jen, who's been looking after the store since Linda quit, is barely an assistant manager.

I guess my point is that while my aversions to managing a store are very well known within the company, it would really be a pleasure to be asked if I wanted a store, instead of being passed over for people who shouldn't be AMs in the first place.

As it was, it made for a fun conversation with D! and Dev last night.

D!: So, what is this? Are they trying to put you into every store to see if it's possible? And then, after you work at every store, they'll offer you one, and you'll know which would be the one to choose?

Me: I'd like that, actually. 'I'll take the Kingsway from 2002, and the Bonnie Doon staff from 2003.'

Dev: I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way.

Me: Whose fantasy is this, jackass?

* * *

Drink at Work has become a new place for me to visit these days. A hilarious site, it's written by the writer of the Sally Forth (Whoops! Thanks for the alert, Carol!) comic strip. And, no, it's nothing like Sally Forth.

The conversations with Ces' father are particularly hilarious, although I'm glad that I don't know a single dad that's like him. (That's a VERY good thing.)

* * *

On a quiz I took recently, I found myself to be a Cultural Creative.

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

Cultural Creative

88%

Postmodernist

63%

Romanticist

50%

Idealist

50%

Existentialist

50%

Modernist

44%

Fundamentalist

31%

Materialist

13%

What is Your World View? (corrected...hopefully)
created with QuizFarm.com

Interesting little test.

Plug for improv

2005-05-13T00:42:00.000-06:00

Just so people know, and since my blog has become one of the (sadly enough) main forms of people knowing about the show, I'm performing this week at Pavlov Improv.

Come to Jekyll and Hyde Pub (10610 100 Ave, a block south of the Jasper Ave. Boston Pizza) on Saturday evening (11 pm) to watch four improvisers put on a show.

Performers this week are Kyle Jago, Morgan Smith, Diego Ibarra and Scott C. Bourgeois.

It should be a fun time, as witnessed last time by a select few. I'm pretty sure I won't take a pratfall this time around, nor will I create a new term ("musical theologist") or make Paul laugh by keeping the last remaining eyelash of my dead mother in my car trunk for "safekeeping."

What will I do? Since it's improv, I'm sure I'll be doing something wacky. But neither you nor I will know until the four of us hit that stage!

IMPROV, BABY! It's the nature of the beast!

Admission's only $5! Seats are plentiful! Come on down!

Odd Transformations 26: Disappointing Old Friends, Even In My Dreams

2005-05-07T10:36:00.000-06:00

So I dreamt that I ran into my elementary school friend, Paul Landry (who, in my last dream, was running a theatre). He's decided, apparently, to switch roles in my dream and has a son, about six years old or so.

We run into each other at a Capilanoish mall and he introduces the two of us. I take his kid out for a bit while Paul runs errands: We play in the revolving doors, and silly stuff like that.

Paul and I start talking, and he starts talking about the shape of my life, and how I'm not going anywhere, and how he doesn't want to end up like me, being a geek and hanging out in a comic/gaming store and not really anything to show for my life.

My dream shifts, and although I seem to be in the same environment, I'm now with my high school friends Penny and Shauna.

They brought me a book they found at the bookstore. A book written by me. Since it was everything I wrote on this blog.

And the book was HUGE! Mainly because of the all-inclusive index spanning one half of the phone-book-sized tome. Every mention of something had a footnote to go along with it.

So the two girls were reading some of my stuff, praising me for it.

Looks like my dreams aren't completely my subconscious trying to shame me after all...

* * *

Sorry for the lack of updating. The past few weeks have been crazy.

If any of you have tried to hit a RadioShack or been on the website recently, you'll see that we are changing our name to The Source By Circuit City. And we're busting our asses getting ready for the change.

Everything labeled RadioShack must be packed up and sent out. For Capilano, that's about 40% of our inventory.

So it's been crazy that way.

But when you add on the OTHER problem, that being that Southgate's shortstaffed, and need someone to help them through THEIR changeover? And that I'm the guy they need?

In the past two days, I've worked 24 hours. (Canton, start your lack of pity....now.) At two different stores. And while things are going swimmingly at Cap, Southgate's a whole different kettle of fish.

At least I'm able to sell a bit at Southgate. As it is, I'll be there for the entirety of next week. But that store's so MESSY!

On a brighter note, this means I'll be two blocks away from girlone, and we actually have hangout plans on a night next week. This makes me happy.

Related story from Southgate:

I was working when a REALLY cute girl walked and came to my till. She started asking about cell phones.

Now, I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to talk with a petite brunette about cell phones. It gives me a good fifteen minutes to look at her and have her attention focused on me and how I can make her life better. (Yes, that's right. Signing you up on a contract means I'd be good in bed.)

So we're talking, I find her name's Jasmine and that she's 21. And she asks me if the phone will work in Mexico. So we look that up. And, yes, she can. Excellent.

I go in the back room for the cell phone. Chase, a Southgate worker, comes in the back, and says "Hey, Kyle."

Me: "You were talking to her about this before?"

Chase: "Yeah. Yesterday."

Me: "Tell you what. I'll ring it in under you, as long as I get to do everything for it."

Chase: "So let me get this straight. You do all the work, I get the sale?"

Me: "This is what I'm willing to do to talk to a very hot girl."

Chase: "Go to it."

Unfortunately, we don't have the phone, but we'll get one rushed in for her that night. So I'm filling out the forms, and ask her what's happening in Mexico.

"Oh, a few girlfriends and I are going there for a friend's brother's wedding."

Being a guy, I take the image I have of Jasmine in my mind and put her in suitable attire for a Mexican beach.

My left temple promptly explodes.

"Ah," I say. "That's pretty cool."

"Yeah," Jasmine says. "And it's free alcohol, 24/7. And free room service."

Being a guy, I take the image I have of a bikini-clad Jasmine in my mind and take away the inhibitions and add a hotel room.

My right temple promptly explodes.

I was able to function for the rest of the time I was with her. But I'm sure my synapses weren't quite firing properly.

* * *

My brother has just announced to me that he has a blog. Which is cool. But also means that he and I share the same Blogger name. Which could get confusing, if I decide to comment. Good thing for my pic in my profile.

* * *

Had Pavlov Improv last Saturday, and I actually performed. My boss and coworker were in the audience again.

At one point, during a scene involving a hand-washing ritual, I drop the waterbowl. And then slip in the water.

To which Dustin leans over to Mark and whispers, "Jago took a bump! How cool is that?"

It was a very fun time, and I played pretty well. And I urge more people to come out to these things, because you'll also have a good time.

* * *

After work yesterday, I drove like the dickens (10 minutes to get from Capilano Mall to NAIT beside Kingsway? And without breaking any traffic rules? Who's the king? I'm the king.) to get to the Prairie Wrestling Alliance show that both my co-workers are involved in.

D! and Elimination were there, and I got into the building just in time to hear: "Tag team champions Marky Mark and Phoenix Taylor!" And got to my seat just in time for Marky to give me props.

It was my second independent wrestling show I've been to. The first one happened when I was interning at CKCK TV in Regina, and had to cover a wrestling show. I wasn't really concerned with the wrestling that time, so much as I was laying out the package in my mind. (Side note: it was the first time anything I produced made it onto the air. Other than the writing I was doing. For my first package to be a wrestling show? It was the coolest thing, editing that video.)

Indy shows are a completely different animal from the WWE programming you see on TV.

First off, I knew the backstory behind this match. The opponent booked against Mark was talking trash about Mark and Phoenix a few weeks back. So they were going to "work" the match, make it a little more real. Not hold back on the move, rough the guy up a bit.

From ringside, D!, Elimination and I had the first-hand view of time, and yeah, some of those moves were definitely harder than they could have been.

The other guy on the opposing team was Harry Smith, son of "Bulldog" Davey Boy Smith, former WWE wrestler. And, man, he's BIG! He was also a face, working with a heel to take on a face team.

So, of course, after the match, J.D. Michaels started yelling at Harry, and Harry didn't want to take it anymore.

During the match, my favourite move is when my boss was thrown into the ropes, caught by his partner, who then Death Valley Drove Mark onto a prone J.D.

It was a good show (well, the three matches I saw), and the next night they'll be performing is mid-June, so you know I'm going to try to round up as many of my local wrestling friends as I can to come see it.

* * *

Blogger Spell Check of the Day: "Jasmine? You meant jazzmen, right?"

Book I Am Currently Reading: The Zero Game by Brad Meltzer. SUCH a good read.

What I Am Listening To: Sonic 102.9. They actually had a punk cover of Ring of Fire last night! HOW COOL IS THAT???

So cookies are a freakin' SOMETIMES food now?

2005-04-26T12:01:00.000-06:00

By now, I'm sure most of you are aware with the changes going on at Sesame Street in the new season. Namely, the whole thing with Cookie Monster.

He has decided, apparently with the help of overreacting parents, to moderate his cookie input and start focusing on other kinds of healthier foods.

A brilliant critique was posted here. I agree with everything Fred Clark says in this article. Especially this quote:

"For the past three decades the Cookie Monster has been the monstrous embodiment of gluttony. He has, in other words, always taught children about healthy eating habits."

So now, in an effort to teach kids about healthy eating, Sesame Street is losing the ability to teach kids about subtext. Sad, really.

* * *

I went to Pavlov Improv on Saturday evening, only to find that I wouldn't be playing this week. Okay, fine and dandy. I participated in the workshop beforehand, and sat down to enjoy the show and the food that Jekyll and Hyde offers.

Five minutes before the show, I hit the bar to order a beer and water.

I come back into the stage part of the pub, only to be startled by my boss and co-worker at a table.

Me: "When did you guys get here?"

Mark: "Oh, about a minute ago."

Me: "Is this some sort of coincidence?"

Dustin: "No, we were at work today, got bored, and checked out the internet history, and found your website."

Me: "Oh."

Mark: "I asked Dustin, 'doing anything at 11 pm tonight?' So here we are."

Me: "Ah. Cool. Surprising, but cool. I'll have to notify you when I'm actually playing."

So we watched the show, with the two guys quizzing me on everything.

"What's with the dog routine? Is it always this low for audience? What's happening now?"

My reply was always: "Guys, it's the first night for this venue. I have no clue why the format is the way it is. We've never performed here before. I don't know."

So, in all, a decent startup, although for a 1:15 show, you DON'T need a twenty minute intermission. But that's something that'll be brought up at a later date...

* * *

The Edmonton Geek Society (or at least, Dev and I) will be taking a short hiatus while we actually decide to meet and determine the format of the blog, as well as everything else pertaining to that site.

My bad for opening it prematurely. We should have had a meeting to figure all this sort of stuff out beforehand, as opposed to us yelling at each other about formatting concerns and the like on the blog itself.

Also, Dev has exams. And I wish him the best of luck in those. And am expecting to come to the "exam end dance party" his class is trying to organize. (Is it this Friday? After our two concerts? And maybe Lee's birthday? Eurgh. So much stuff that day...)

* * *

Crappy Blogger Dictionary correction of the day: "Freakin'? What's freakin'? You meant FORESKIN, right?"

Quick plug

2005-04-21T19:46:00.000-06:00

A new improv show, Pavlov Improv, will premiere Saturday evening.

I hope to be a part of it, and will be attending the workshop before the show.

Anyone wanting to see some old faces from the Survival days are welcome to show up at Jekyll and Hyde Pub on 10610 100 Ave at 11 pm. this Saturday.

Hopefully, it'll be a way for me to get back into improv, since I've been missing doing that for the past year and a bit.

An apology

2005-04-21T00:20:00.000-06:00

Over the past few months, I've noticed one of my friends has been leaving comments under the initial "J."

Such as this one last month (in reply to my manager calling me Gay-go):

"Gay-go!!!!

That is AWESOME~!

That is now how I will refer to you when talking to people who have not yet met you. I'll just put it offto some pronunciation mistake...

-J (on holiday!)"

To which I reply:

"In other news, Joanne is dead to me."

Or this one from about two weeks back:

"Holy crap. That yeti story, while hilarious, is pretty much the geekiest thing I have *ever* read, on any blog, ever in my lifetime. And I'm pretty much head geek/nerd where I work. =)

My compliments, Jago!! I am truly impressed...
-J"

So I've been attributing these quotes to Jo, my Vancouver friend who I know reads my journal.

When it's actually been Justice, who disappeared off the face of the earth two months ago!

So, Jo, I'm sorry I mistook Justice's posts for you. Although, in hindsight, they make a lot more sense coming from him. But this way, it's less funny.

Justice, I'm sorry I thought you were a girl.

* * *

Anyone know why I can't access my own blog from my computer? I can log in and edit fine, but I can't actually see the finished product.

When I click on my "favourites" link, it's automatically taking me back to blogger.com/home. If I type it in manually, same thing...

Any ideas?

I'm sure Dev's tired of rolling for horror now...

2005-04-18T13:22:00.000-06:00

Canton, Marauder, Dev and I played some Hellboy RPG last night. It's based on the GURPS system, and Dev's setting it in a time before Hellboy's Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense (the 1930s, to be exact).

Canton's playing a mechanical man who's pretty much a robot before robots were around. Marauder's playing a British fop who can potentially be the world's greatest magician. Dev's minding the game as well as playing a technophile insect. (Not incest, like I was typing in earlier.)

I am a yeti. Which was funny for the fact that Marauder had to roll a horror check against seeing me for the first time, and his character ended up flipping out of his chair.

So it was up to us to save Marauder's uncle from Nazis attacking his mansion.

Canton and I decided to create a diversion for the Nazis. I sneaked up behind two Nazis, swung my mighty club, and disabled (no, I mean DISABLED) both of them. The other two Nazis took one look at me, and their brains snapped by seeing an 8 foot monster. They fell to the ground, crying and holding each other.

Dev glares at me, and sends two other Nazis over with flashlights. Those ones have a worse reaction than the first two.

I'm laughing on the couch. Dev tells me "Yeah, I thought six Nazis might challenge you."

So he sends Nazi zombies out. Ones that can't be scared. Which give me a bit more of a challenge. But, let's face it: When I've got a strength of 30 (normal human is 10), and can cripple people with a simple swing of my club? And when I've got a monstrous appearance to boot?

Although my health's not the greatest, since I almost got killed by a combination of zombies, Nazi guns, and a big baddie that blew fire.

Still, Snorri's one of the more fun characters I'm playing.

* * *

When I was driving Marauder home yesterday, I found a great store on St. Albert Trail. I forget what is was called, but it (successfully?) combines two markets I really wouldn't think to include in the same building:

Used Cars. Alcohol.

Seriously, how is this allowed?

* * *

While Dev and I were watching some Arrested Development over the weekend, he told me that Portia di Rossi and Ellen Degeneres are currently an item.

At the store, we're currently playing Finding Nemo on the TVs, and I told Dustin this news by stating that Ellen's the luckiest person on earth.

Dustin: "Yeah, I only wish that she was bisexual instead of lesbian. Then I'd have a chance with her."

Me: "Meh. It doesn't matter whether she's heterosexual or homosexual, so long as she's into me. She'd have to be Jagosexual."

* * *

I picked up some comic books on Friday.

I picked up the last trade of the first Runaways series and wasn't disappointed. Brian K. Vaughan (Y the Last Man, Machina Ex) is one of my favourite comic book writers, and this wrapped up the first series well, with some great characterization and some big surprises.

The Walking Dead, by Robert Kirkman (Invincible), is a great zombie story, dealing with a man who wakes up from a coma to find himself in the middle of a world where there's mostly zombies. Some awesome stuff.

Finally, I picked up the last Bone trade. Man, I think I'll make that the first post of the EGS.

Odd Transformations 25: Velcro, I Will Miss You

2005-04-15T14:27:00.000-06:00

My dream from a few days ago involved my old childhood friend, Paul Landry, and I having a conversation.

He mentioned that he was now the artistic director of a theatre. When I asked him which play would be next, he said "Guys and Dolls."

"I love Guys and Dolls! I'll audition for you right now!

"Hey guys," I yell to the people that just popped into my view, one of them including Cristian, one of my Mill Woods co-workers. "You can sing 'More I Cannot Wish You,' right?"

They mumble to themselves, and shake their heads. And I start singing my part to the old jazz arrangement we sang back in high school regardless.

* * *

Rajaton. What can I say? Easily the second best a cappella concert I've seen. Granted, I've seen three, and while Rockapella was good, it was Rockapella. Also, nothing makes me swoon a cappella-wise like jazz harmonies.

The best a cappella concert I've seen? The Real Group, 1995, Rocky Mountain Music Festival.

Astro was there, although at that point, we didn't know each other. One of Dev's grad school classmates, and one of my old high school friends, Jamie, apparently told him the same thing.

While I loved (loved) the Rajaton concert, I'm pretty immersed in a cappella at this point. Since I've met 'Ka and joined CASA, my a cappella knowledge grew in leaps and bounds.

But in 1995, when I went to a festival with my jazz choir and we saw the Real Group? That was magic. My first professional a cappella show.

Earlier in the day, we were watching the Campbell Classics (our Saskatchewan jazz choir nemeses) perform at a workshop, and they did this HORRIBLE Beatles arrangement. I was shuddering and grimacing to Kai about it.

When these five Swedes came on the stage, and started doing Count Basie? I was Blown. Away.

And when they went into the opening notes of the Beatles' Drive My Car, I had this huge shit-eating grin on my face. And told Kai, "THAT is how you arrange the Beatles!"

So I had fallen in love with the Real Group.

Rajaton is just as technically proficient as the Real Group. Beautiful arrangements, amazing blend, a great stage presence. They can mimic instruments well, as in their Lady Madonna (Yes, every jazz group is contractually obligated to perform at least one Beatles tune).

The set list was really well done. Except for a bad I Believe cover (Stevie Wonder) that, while it was done well, just really didn't do anything for me, because I'm such a jerk when it comes to arrangements.

I think one of my high points (cover-wise, because the non-covers, or at least, not obvious covers were amazing) was the Abba cover "Fernando." They took it so mock-serious during the verses, really putting forth the love letter to a revolutionary to such serious depths that it was hilarious.

The sound engineer they had was great, but it also made the concert seem TOO polished at times, like when the alto did an electric guitar solo by having the engineer crank up the distortion. It sounded cool, but I know it was all the sound guy.

So, it was a good thing I went for sure, because I totally enjoyed myself.

Astro, after the concert: So, Jago, what did you think?
Me (in a completely put-on blase tone): Eh. They're no KOW...
Astrogirl: Isn't that a good thing?
Me: Yes. Yes, it is.

* * *

I found my punchline that usually makes people laugh: "My mother was a saint!"

Other than the one person who seriously thought my mother was dead after I said that and started apologizing.

God damn this deadpan style of mine!

On second thought, no.

* * *
Reading: Finishing off Lost in a Good Book, by Jasper Fforde. So good, and completely different from The Eyre Affair, also so good.

Men Are From Mars, My Sister Is from a Mirror Image of Moose Jaw.

2005-04-10T23:49:00.000-06:00

This week, I was directed to this site, which is Google's map section. Recently, they've put satellite maps for most cities in the database.

While Edmonton is mapped via satellite, unfortunately it doesn't go that far down.

Now MOOSE JAW, however...

Once I found this, I started looking around at hometown landmarks, trying to find my home (Note: The picture, if you were to see it on the actual site, is a LOT bigger...I'm not trying to kill myself looking for a ant-size house...), etc. And I decided to get my sister in the action.

After about ten minutes of looking, EJ finds the house. The problem was, according to her, that women don't see as spatially as men. So since we lived on the north side of town, and were always driving south to get anywhere, EJ thought the layout of Moose Jaw was flipped upside down.

Me: "You see the Sunningdale church? And McGranes' pool right above it?"
EJ: "Yeah."
Me: "We're across the street from there."
EJ: "Oh, god. That's my problem."
Me: "What?"
EJ: "I was looking on South Hill."
Me: "What??"

So we started playing "what part of town is this" with the satellite imagery for about an hour. I even tried to get Mom involved, but she couldn't navigate through the site, and it was late.

* * *

A message board I frequent is hosting one of the stupidest-slash-most-awesome arguments ever:

If there was an island filled with groups of robots, pirates, dinosaurs or ninjas, who would win?

To be quite honest, it only started getting great once people started trying to make ground rules as opposed to mocking the guy who asked the question. There's nothing funnier than seeing people scoff at one guy, only to be brought into the argument because their interest becomes piqued.

This is why I love moderate-sized message boards instead of huge places like, say, Suicide Girls or even one of my own old haunts, Newsarama. There's enough people to have a wide range of opinions, and still small enough to see like high school or something...

* * *

Canton, Dev and I are planning on starting a geek blog in the near future. I'm not sure what that would mean for this one. Because I really like this site, and I don't want it to turn into rants about work exclusively.

But we'll see when the time comes around for the new one...

My excuse for not updating is having the weakest willpower in the world...

2005-04-02T18:18:00.000-07:00

Before I start, I'd like to address my screenname (for those of you on my MSN list) before I have to explain this over and over.

Today, I came out of my closing shift at work, patting my pockets for my keys.

Not in my pants. Not in my jacket. Well, crap. This is bad.

I retrace my steps from when I arrived at work. I look in my driver's side window. Nope. No keys in there.

"After I closed the door, I...went into the trunk for a book?"

My keys had been sitting in my trunk keyhole for a good eight hours. Thank god I work in Capilano, mall to seniors. If I had pulled that kind of boneheaded move at Kingsway, or Mill Woods? Goodbye car.

At least nobody noticed enough to steal my ride, I thought. I got into my car, about to drive off. And noticed the note someone attached to my windshield: "Keys in trunk."

* * *

My boss and I have been having a war of music recently.

I burned an MP3 disc that would last the store for an entire shift. Of course, it's all music from my hard drive, and, while it's all clean, it's not Mark's type of music.

He, you see, is the biggest Aqua fan you'll ever meet. Aqua, you see, is one of my "most annoying bands."

So we'd play "Duck Season, Rabbit Season." What I mean by this is you'd hear about three songs off of my disc, and then it would go to his sixty-minute music mix. Which I'd have to hear again and again. And again.

As I told Dustin, our third, I wouldn't MIND playing Duck Season, Rabbit Season, as long as I weren't always playing the Daffy Duck role. "Because you KNOW that at some point, my bill will be on the other side of my face, and I'll have to straighten it out."

I realized how young Dustin was when he started yelling "Dustin Season" every time he threw in HIS mix.

* * *

This weekend will be harsh. Because, since the lawsuit that was filed against RadioShack Canada/Circuit City by RadioShack USA, we're going to have to do a mini-inventory to see what products still have the RS logo on them.

Since my boss and third are part of the Prairie Wrestling Alliance, they've got a show on Saturday. Sunday, of course, is Wrestlemania, and I asked for that day off.

I won't be able to get it off, and since we don't want to do inventory during the evening, we have to do it in the morning. So I'll be at the store for 7 am. Which, due to DST, is actually 6 am. Luckily, I get off in time to see the wrassle-fightin'.

I'll be one tired puppy.

* * *

World of Warcraft isn't ruining my life. But it's sure not helping it, either. But it's SO FUN!

My biggest quest yet was one where I had to go across a continent to scuba dive for a pendant that gives my character a kick-ass sea lion form. It was the coolest quest. If only I wasn't saddled with what seemed to be a 14-year-old to do it.

But I'm now able to swim without breathing, which is pretty sweet-ass.

* * *

In any case, I should head, since the boys and I are going out for some steak at the Outback. Nummy!

So is this why my district manager's pissed off at me constantly?

2005-03-17T19:24:00.000-07:00

Last week, I was asked to go to an assistant manager meeting on my day off. Now, I missed the last one, and my DSM, Mike, called up Chris to find out why I didn't go (I slept in).

So I show up at this meeting, and Jason, the AM of West Ed, said, "Jago! Long time no see!"

Me: "Sure, I missed the last one."

Jason: "Oh, it's been more than one."

I was confused, but I thought that Jason was exaggerating. It happens with him.

And then we had the usual kind of AM meeting, where I was sitting in the back, throwing out snappy comments every now and then. Granted, I was not always the ass, and did throw in a legitimate two cents when necessary. Still, as the guy in the district with the most senority, I feel I can come off as the jaded wiseass.

Today, I was calling up Kingsway to steal some product. Ammon was asking me if he could bring it to tomorrow's meeting.

Me: What meeting?

Ammon: The assistant manager's meeting. You know, the one we have every week?

Me: I'd hardly call last week and once a month every week.

Ammon: No, we've been having them every week. For about a month or so.

Me: So, exactly why was I not told about this?

And after I got off the phone with Ammon, I realized exactly what Jason was talking about. And realized that I must be in Mike's bad book for not attending meetings I wasn't aware of.

Gotta remember to tell my boss about scheduling me so I can make these meetings from now on.

* * *

My boss signed something with my initials, to show that I was the one who was taking care of it. Only he made my initials K.G.

So I told him that my initials were, in fact, K.J.

Me: "It's not like my name's Kyle Gay-go."

Mark looks at me with a smirk. Before he could say anything, I replied, "No, it's really not. And I'm not."

Odd Transformations 24: Why must Dev consistently be the most crazy guy in my dreams?

2005-03-14T11:37:00.000-07:00

A few days back, I had a dream about being in a downtown scene. Not sure if it was downtown Moose Jaw, but it very well could have been due to the size of it.

In any case, it involved listening to the Arcade Fire, a Canadian rock group, who were in an abandoned storefront, doing a concert.

But the dream I really want to talk about is the one I had this morning.

It was set in a library. Canton and I were studying or something. Or we were there to support people studying.

Otis P. enters, who I haven't seen in a while. We start catching up.

Otis: "So, how's Dev doing?"

Me: "You can ask him yourself." I point to the top of a bookshelf where Dev is hidden in shadows, reading.

Only as I'm explaining to Otis, this library is apparently connected to a zoo, since that bookshelf top is encased by a cage, and there are animals running through it.

"You see, Otis, Dev's got some handlers bringing animals in there, so he can pretend it's a company. That's why that warthog is dressed up in a sportsjacket. Hey, Dev!"

Dev pokes his head into the light. "Yeah?"

"How is it again? The animals are working for you, or are they your bosses?"

Dev scowls at me. "I'm dressed like I normally am because some top CEOs can dress however they want to. That's why the animals aren't dressed casually."

"Oh, right. Okay, you can go back to your book now."

At which point I wake up.

* * *

Finally celebrated my birthday this weekend. A few of us went to the Outback, where I had a GREAT prime rib dinner. (Must go back. And will with Canton's celebration meal soon.) Afterwards, we went bowling. My favourite part was programming MFJ's name in while she was visiting the bathroom.

MFJ: "So, are we ready to play?"
Me: "OH, yeah."
MFJ: "Who's 'Pintsize Killah?'"
I snigger.

The next night was Dev's birthday. Kit had brought over the newest Marlowe and Allan and I were keeping her occupied. Although every time it was only me and the toddler, she's falling over and hurting herself or something.

I tell you, it's not easy to have to explain that she fell again and that I wasn't pushing an eight-month old around.

Although Dev's grad school friends were amused when I gave her a paper plate and sold all her attempts at bashing me in the head with it.

Afterwards was Karaoke. And Cribbit's has the most eclectic list I've seen in a while. When I can sing Junior Senior pretty halfassedly because I forget how few words there actually are in it. As it was, I was asking, "Why have they raided my obscure MP3 list for songs?"

Dev said it was the most fun he's had watching me sing. I dunno; what about me singing Collective Soul at the Power Plant about three years back?

* * *

So I've been transferred again. This is completely insane, because I remember a time where I was at a store for years, not just weeks. In my first four years of working for the company, it was a year and a half at Kingsway, a year and a half at Bonnie Doon, a half a year at Kingsway again, a half a year at Bonnie Doon again.

In the past year since that period I have worked at the following places: West Ed (3 months), Downtown (4 months), temped at Northgate for a week, and then it was Mill Woods for two weeks. And now Capilano mall? Whatever.

All I'm asking for is some fucking stability here, all right? Also, I don't want my stability to happen at the graveyard that is Capilano. Although there are some cute girls around here.

* * *

My mom came up for a few days at the end of February. It was fun, since I was able to go to my aunt's for a homecooked meal. Also, Mom got me new tires for my car and a new set of luggage for my birthday. That doesn't suck at all.

* * *

I broke down and bought World of Warcraft. Canton and I had a blast playing a pair of Minotaurs who we jokingly called Thunder and Lightning, collectively, since I was a hunter with a rifle and he was a shaman who could hit enemies with spells.

I think I'll have fun with this game. And, man, does it look pretty on Myles' old video card.

Off to play some more.

The Coolest Car in the World

2005-03-03T22:00:00.000-07:00

So I'm driving home from work yesterday, and on the drive up Calgary Trail, I found what has to be the coolest vehicle on the roads.

It's some sort of truck, okay, except i have no clue what kind of truck it is, since I was too dazzled by it.

The owner had decked it out with multicolour neon, so under the truck and the license plate holder would both go from blue to red to purple, etc. Awesome so far, right?

The rear window of the cab had a HUGE Playboy decal on it, so you KNOW they've got to be the biggest players and chick magnets in the world!

When the side door opened, I could see that they've got neon on the inside. And I thought it was cool before!

When I was directly behind them turning on to Whyte Ave, I saw the penultimate piece de resistance: A translucent blue set of squishy rubber testicles HANGING FROM THE TRAILER HITCH!!!

I am in love with the truck, and really wish I was friends with the owner. He's SO COOL!

Odd Transformations 23: Man, infants pack a punch...

2005-03-03T09:29:00.000-07:00

So this dream involved a Mill Woods-like mall, and my dad was owning/managing a store that my sister and I were working at.

A family business.

It was a slow day, since I would constantly be wandering around the mall, seeing what was new. There was apparently a bar I kept on going into. A bar that had either new books or new comic book trades on its tables, since I was perusing the tables to see if there were any I hadn't read.

A toddler wanders into the bar. I pick him up to take him outside the bar to his mom. The kid starts screaming for his dad as soon as I take him into my arms.

I start trying to console him: "Shhh. No, your mommy's here. I'm taking you to her."

I hand the kid to his mother, who smiles and thanks me, apologizing for the way her son was acting up.

EJ appears on the scene. I tell the mother it's no problem, and EJ and I head back towards the store.

From behind me, I hear a gurgling gagging from the toddler. I think to myself "Uh oh. This isn't good."

At which point a tidal wave of vomit hits me full force, knocking me over. To the point where I'm completely covered from head to toe.

At which point I know I need to leave the mall, head home, and shower and change clothes. But first I have to tell Dad.

That's pretty much where I woke up, after some talking with my dad about how I obviously have to leave work early, since I'm covered in baby spew. As was EJ, but not quite as much as I was.

* * *

The newest lineup of Channel 101 shorts has hit, including a brand new House of Cosbys.

Seriously, this show keeps on getting better and better.

Also, Laser Fart, the show that at the beginning of its run was a way for the admin of the site to show what he meant about knocking a pilot off in a few hours, has become the emotional center of the site. Seriously.

Also, you might want to check out Dick Richards, Private Dick, a story about a detective that's amazingly animated with a bunch of black and white photographs. Such great stuff this month, although one of my faves, Magick Haus, was cancelled this time around.

* * *

I'm making the evite for my birthday party today. We're going to go bowling if it kills me.

* * *

But for now, there's a bit more sleep I want to catch up on. Just wanted to transcribe my dream before I forgot about it.

REALLY needing to update.

2005-02-28T22:30:00.000-07:00

Transcript from the Kyle Jago Lecture Series: February 28, 2005

JAGO: Thank you all for coming. I'm please you could all make it here tonight. Shall we start? [ahem]

"Everyone On The Road Is An Idiot, Except for Me.

"Hi. You may not know me. You've probably seen me driving around, especially if you're driving on Calgary Trail or the Whitemud. You might know me as the guy who has the Ford Escort with the pink 'M' on the back.
"No, it's an 'M.'
"No, seriously. It's not a heart.
"Look, why would I have a pink heart on my car? I'm a 28-year-old guy.
"This is beside the point. Look, the point of my speech is to ask how the fuck you all got your licenses.
"Don't act so affronted. Let's face it. 1/3 of the people on the road can't drive properly. And I'm the one driving around while that 1/3 is on the roads of Edmonton.
"First off, if you look to the right hand side of the road, you might see a sign that's white with a big black number on it. It might say 60, it might say 80. This, you fuckwads, is what's referred to as the 'speed limit.'
"Now, the speed limit is there for a purpose. It tells you how fast you should be driving. If I'm going faster than the speed limit, just so I'm not getting hit by a car because of my meandering pace, and a car goes by me at 20 kph faster, there's something wrong.
"Now, if I'm on the Whitemud coming home with Kow from recording, say, and a car happens to be breaking the speed limit AND driving in a lane that hasn't existed for 250 metres to pass me, well that's where accidents happen. And that's where I kill you by thinking evil thoughts.
"So, if I'm actually following the speed limit, the proper thing to do is to stay a car length away from me, and not get so close that I'm blinded by your fucking SUV-level beams. Also, don't buy SUVs. They blind me.
"Summarizing point one, the speed limit is good. Making Jago blind is bad.
"Point two: Parking.
"When it comes to parking in a mall, there's a reason why there's yellow lines painted everywhere. They show you where to park. And if you park BETWEEN the lines, other cars can park in the adjacent designated parking spaces.
"Seriously, I drive a pretty small car. Smallest I've ever driven continuously. If I can't fit into a parking space because it's being halved by a fucker who can't park right, don't be surprised to find a key scratch on your door.
"Also, if you're parked in a handicapped space, you'd better have a disability. Besides your obvious mental one. AND if you're the guy I saw tonight, you'd better not peel out and rev your engine so loud. All you end up doing is make me hate you.
"In summary, I just want to say that everyone who isn't me or my friends (and sometimes, even that's debatable) are driving fuckwads.
"Any questions?
"No, it's not a heart. I told you that already.
"Why was I driving down the wrong side of the street on Argyll where it joins up with 75th Street? THIS QUESTION PERIOD IS CLOSED!"

* * *

Can someone please explain to me how Steve Carrell did not receive a Best Supporting Oscar for his portrayal of Brick Tamland?

Also, I'm glad Jamie Foxx won for Ray. He was amazing in that film.

* * *

So, Kow did record over the weekend. It was fun. We got eight songs in the can, and we were actually pretty pleased with how we sounded.

Barber's dad's the one who was acting as our producer, and we rented him a digital mixing board.

We had fun, and it wasn't at all demoralizing (like our last two sessions). We had one or two moments where we knew we had something special going on. Especially when we laid down Uniform Grey.

Mr. Barber: "Now THAT sounded professional. The most professional you guys have ever sounded."

So, we'll be going back into the church/studio on Sunday. Hopefully, if we did as well as Saturday, we'll have the CD out this spring/summer.

* * *

Still no party for Jago. I think the second weekend in March might just do it, though. BOWLING! WHOOOOOOOO!!!!

Seriously, I want to go bowling.

* * *

So many web cartoonists are getting involved in the 2nd Daily Grind. The first Daily Grind involved some cartoonists from the Failure boards I frequent. Four guys decided to put some money on the line to see who could maintain a five strip a week quota. Ed Brisson lasted just under a year to win the $80 that time.

Now, 32 artists have joined the fray, hoping to take home $640US. With competition like PVP's Scott Kurtz, some of these guys have a lot to gain by sticking with a daily comic.

I'm looking forward to reading a few of these artists' offerings. Some, I could care less about.

* * *

I won't go too indepth into my work frustrations right now. Needless to say, we're still understaffed, so I'm looking at some crazy ass shifts to cover the store being open.

Please, let us find a new employee. Very soon.

* * *

I'll tell you about Astro's concert later on, although it's pretty old news. It involved seeing a friend from high school who I haven't seen in eight years, so that reunion was pretty fun.

* * *

I'm tired, I'm hanging out with my mom and sister tomorrow, and Tiger Woods is calling my name.

I swear I'll post quicker next time.

It's just been one of those weeks...

2005-02-11T00:05:00.000-07:00

So, I was in a foul mood this Tuesday during work. It's something that started on Monday, my day off.

Dev and I drove to D!'s to watch some RAW when I noticed that my tire was getting pretty flat. To the point where I had a bumpy ride, and Dev wasn't aware of much different. This is because it was the front left tire on my car that was flat.

I vowed that I'd get it filled on the way back home, since there was an Esso two blocks away.

After RAW, we hit the Esso, only to find that the air pump was out of order.

No matter, I thought. I'll just get it filled before work on Tuesday.

When Tuesday hit, I drove to THREE gas stations before I found a working hose. The 99th St. Esso, no hose on the air pump. I couldn't even get into the Shell on 82nd.

I found myself driving down 99th to about 58th Ave where I got lucky and found a Hughes with a working air pump. And I realized I'd been driving on my rims for about 30 blocks.

The tire was smoking. This was not looking good.

I try filling up the tire, only to find that the air was being left out of the tire by a nickel-sized hole. GAH!

I rush into the gas station and buy one of those aerosol tire fixit dealies. Spent my last $10 on it, so I was now officially broke until payday this Friday (tomorrow).

The hole, of course, was too big to fill using this spraycan. The fluid kept oozing out. I tried masking tape. Nope. Nothing sticks to those tires that the gas station had.

At this point I'm about 10 minutes late for work, stranded about 60 blocks away from work.

I call my boss, and he tells me he'd pick me up. I look across the street and find a Kal-Tire outlet. I tell Chris that I'll call him back from the tire store, after finding out the kind of damage that my tire and wheel took.

I limp the car over the half-block, and bring it in to the Kal-Tire store.

I'm going to need a new tire. Which would cost $120 with installation. I have $8 in the bank.

Forlorn, I ask if I can leave the car there until payday. The mechanic said, "Sure. No problems."

(My brother Braden was talking to me yesterday about this:

B: Usually, you should have the cash before buying something. That's what credit cards are for.
Me: Yes, thank you. Next time I intend to get a flat, I'll make sure I've got cash for it.)

Chris comes to pick me up, and I was in such a low mood, mostly because I thought I'd failed the car by letting it get a hole. I have NO clue where the hole came from, but God, it was big.

That night, I had to take the bus home. You know how much of a ride it is from Mill Woods Town Centre to Old Strathcona at 9:45 pm? I got home at 11. Man, this sucked more than all the days I got home at 10-10:30 during my other stores.

Wednesday, I had the day off, and just sat inside, mourning the loss of my car.

Today I brought my Game Boy on the bus, because with a 45 min to an hour ride, I had time to kill playing Final Fantasy Tactics Advance. I put the game down in October due only to the fact that I couldn't play an entire battle on the ten minute bus ride to Edmonton Centre. But, man, did I get addicted again.

I was a bit late of work today, thanks to not having a proper copy of the ETS guide. My old one no longer works, apparently, since I was about ten minutes late for the bus that would have got me to Mill Woods on time. Stupid September schedule. (Alliteration!)

It was a slow sales day at work, but one of those days where nothing got done because I was dealing with stupid customers over things that wouldn't get me money.

For instance, I left an hour late from work today (so that makes up for me getting in ten minutes late) due to mainly this conversation with a woman over the phone.

Lady: I bought a phone from RadioShack on Sunday.

Me: Right.

Lady: The redial button is slow.

Me: Pardon?

Lady: The redial's slower than my phone from eleven years ago.

Me: Oh.

Lady: When I was in on Sunday, the gentleman I was speaking to didn't really know which cordless phones of yours had the quickest speed dial.

Me: Yeah, that issue never comes up. (In my mind: Because we don't charge up every phone we have just to see how fast the redial button is! I start miming blowing my brains out to Alden.)

Lady: I was given a number to call for your district office on Monday. The woman I was speaking to said she'd get someone to look into that.

Me: Okay.

Lady: It's now Thursday.

Me: Yeah. No one in our stores can really tell you how quick the redial works on some phones. I can call up head office tomorrow and see if the buyers know.

Lady: I certainly hope so. (I start mock strangling myself to Alden.)

I'd like to say the conversation ends there, but she just kept repeating the same things over and over again for another five minutes.

When Chris called to see how the store was, I told him about this.

"Aw, god. Not again. I think we should just return the phone and tell her Best Buy would know which of their phones has the quickest redial."

Another gentleman over the course of the day was looking for DSL filters to go behind the wall mounted phones. Which we don't carry. And he kept on insisting that Telus told him he could find them at our stores.

My reply: "I don't know what to tell you, sir. It happens sometimes that people from other stores assume we have something that we don't carry. I'm sure I've told people they MIGHT be able to find something at another store, even though I have NO clue if they carry them or not. It's just a suggestion."

It happens at LEAST once a week, and I'll yell right here for people to know:

Other stores that recommend us for some things are NOT always right. They AREN'T preaching the Gospel and people DO make mistakes about what RadioShack stocks. If I tell you we don't carry something, you can take the word of someone who's been working for the company for almost five years now over someone who works at Telus or a computer store!!!!

I'd like to say that made me feel better. I'm not sure if it did.

* * *

So my birthday's coming up next week, and I have no clue what to do about it.

Because of short staffing at the store, I've got one day off this week. That day happens to be Wednesday, my birthday.

Now, sure, it sounds cool that I get my birthday off, but if I want to celebrate it with friends, I'm sure that most of them will not be able to hang out on Wednesday night. If I had Friday night off, I'd suggest bowling or a movie with a few dozen of my friends.

Unfortunately, I work until 9:30 that day.

Saturday! Everyone can get together on a Saturday evening, right? Well, yeah, if I want D! and Dev to choose between me and a Chapters friend of theirs.

I sort of share my birthday with Barber (His is the day before mine), but I'm sure that he's got enough studying to do that week.

Figures that my birthday this year happens to fall within Exam Week, and a load of my friends still take classes.

Sigh. Maybe I'll be able to celebrate my birthday the week after or something. Before March, in any case...

* * *

The Arlo Song! Liam Lynch is one cool uncle to make a DVD full of songs for his sister's son. Especially when he does songs like this.

* * *

Reading: McSweeney's Volume One, an anthology of short stories that D! lent me.

Listening to: Kicking myself in the head for forgetting to bring in my new mix for the store. Day after day! It always ends up sitting on my desk! I'll post the track listing sometime (although it IS 160 songs.

Playing: Final Fantasy Tactics Advance. BOOYA! Also, wrapping up Paper Mario.

Odd Transformations 22: Violence in the Back Streets of Edmonton

2005-02-07T09:04:00.000-07:00

My friends and I went to a restaurant where we weren't getting served. After a bit of this, Dev gets fed up and storms out. I follow him.

Dev and I get on a bus, because I had parked elsewhere that wasn't home, but at a different place where the group had met prior to going out. I'm not sure if my plan was to get my car, or to pick it up the next day on my way to work. It was only about two blocks away from the apartment I had in my dream.

I get off the bus and start walking towards my place. Across the street are Rob and Reag. I call out to them, and I invite them to my place. Reag and I start walking in the back alleys towards home. Rob said he'd drive there, so they could get home afterwards.

About half a block away from my place in the back alley, Reag and I are walking and talking when she trips over a piece of rope. (At this point, apparently, my brain switches Reag for Canoegirl, I guess.) I look over and there's some drunken derelict in the shadows, holding the peice of rope and had pulled it out at the last minute to trip Canoegirl.

"Sorry about that," says the bum. "I just thought it would be nice to trip a fatty."

"I begs your pardon?" Canoegirl asks. I try to steer her away back to my place, because the last thing I feel like doing is arguing with a drunk bum about calling Canoegirl fat.

At that point, another guy comes out of the shadows, and Canoegirl and I start fighting and arguing with the two rednecks. The fight continues as we go into the back lot behind my place, and into a garden. Just as the two rednecks are about to leave from being beaten, I feel something heavy that connects with the back of my head.

I turn around, and there's a guy in the garden, holding a plank of plywood formerly used to walk through the garden.

"You're not part of my design. Get out of my garden."

Just as I'm weighing my options, to beat on Nighttime Gardener with a plywood plank, or just to get Canoegirl inside my place, I wake up.

Pssst!

2005-02-03T15:36:00.000-07:00

Don't tell anybody, but I'm actually posting from my temporary store of Northgate. That's right, I'm managing while the manager's on vacation.

Why the italics? I'm whispering!

Although I shouldn't have to, since it's pretty dead.

I would have posted earlier, since I'm closing all my days on here. It's nice that I get to sleep in, I guess, but it means I'm back to the "getting home at 10 pm" deal. Granted, I should get used to it, because I'm sure I'll be doing a load of them of my new store of Mill Woods next week.

Northgate's full of clueless people who think that a small mall-sized space holds a crapload of inventory, since I've received three calls asking for bulk orders. I don't mind bringing stuff in, but don't assume that I can get 20 packs of USB cables from Ontario in a day.

On my first day here, I learned that I shouldn't park beside the entrance that's closest to the store. Because I can't get out that way. And if I do the deposit on the other side of the mall, I can't get back in and have to walk AROUND Northgate to get to my car.

Also, for a small mall, it's got the stupidest labyrinths to take out garbage and cardboard. You have to walk to the other end of the mall to get to the hallway entrance, which takes you back to this end, although there's no way to get OUT this way, so you end up traversing the mall about four or five times to get things accomplished.

Stupidity.

Don't get me started on the temperature in the store either. It's like when I drive to Northgate, I'm driving past the Tropic of Capricorn. When I hit my store, I'm positive I've hit some Equatorial zone, it's so freakin' hot. And dry. I'm drinking about four litres of water every day I'm here...

The reason I didn't post yesterday was due to me getting a phone call that I slept through. When I woke up at 11:00, I found out that Curtis, one of my co-workers, didn't have keys to open the store.

All I'm saying is thank god I've got a car, if I'm hitting Northgate every day. I'm at half a tank of gas after a week of driving, but I'm sure my new car's one of those that can fill up on $20 worth of gas. As opposed to all my old behemoth cars: the van, the Olds...

In other car-related news, I no longer have a pink heart on the rear window. I now have a pink stylized "M" on my rear window. I'll have to use the scraper I bought to see if I can get it off.

* * *

Canton and I are hosting our Scorpio friend Gina for a few weeks, in her transition period between moving out of Edmonton and actually finishing U of A classes and living in Calgary.

Our kitchen's never been cleaner. (She's cleaning as part of her rent, apparently. It's not a matter of forcing temporary roommates to clean up after us.)

* * *

The new season of Channel 101 has hit the airwaves (well, sorta, since their program lineup changes from month to month due to the voting procedures...).

I'm mentioning this mostly because it's been since October that any new material has hit the site.

Now, we've got a show like this in the #1 shot. And it's amazing, both in concept and execution. My friends and I are quoting from it all the time, now.

Also, the longest running show, The 'Bu, managed to get in again despite actually making an episode. When you see the apology video, though, you kinda know why.

* * *

Otherwise, not too much going on. Had Red's wedding last weekend, and Dev's got a funny story about Llllllloyd's progeny.

I made Kristus bust a gut by faking stage fright on Ed's wedding video. Seriously, it was me glaring into a camera, being stock still for a good two minutes. Once Ed said, "There you have it, Jago's disappointed with the wedding, just like the rest of us," I rushed the camera, yelling my head off. In a church.

Man, I have fun around my friends.

Odd Transformations 21: Why Was It So Underattended?

2005-01-28T11:21:00.000-07:00

My dream this morning (the one I really remember, because after I woke up and hit the bathroom, I came out here and typed the specifics) involved my dad and I going to my elementary school gym.

There was some sort of concert series going on, but it was actually a stand-up comedy series.

There were about ten people in the audience with us watching one of the best Jerry Seinfeld acts I had ever seen, and I was wondering "Why is there nobody here? This is a great show!"

The next night, we went back to see Jon Stewart perform. He had, as a guest for some reason, Ioan Gruffudd, the guy playing Reed Richards in the new Fantastic Four movie.

In my mind, I could see Jon Stewart playing it better, although I know they didn't want to go for a forty-year-old.

In my dream, Dad stood up and shouted how Stewart should be the character of Mr. Fantastic, and Jon wasn't too happy about it. At which point I woke up.

My second dream involved me being shrunk to the size of a mouse or something and trying to sail away from a bunch of big people trying to get me. Not too many details there...

Conversation: Bastardizing Literary Figures

2005-01-26T23:29:00.000-07:00

Webhead says:

Hi Jago it's Mary

Tea-tea Mong-Whore says:

Hi, Mary. It's jago.

Girly Girl says:

How you doin?

Tea-tea Mong-Whore says:

Tired

Girly Girl says:

Me too....zzzzzzz

Tea-tea Mong-Whore says:

Wake up!

Girly Girl says:

What? What? Where am I?

Tea-tea Mong-Whore says:

You're in Narnia.

Girly Girl says:

Aslan? is that y ou?

Tea-tea Mong-Whore says:

Yup. I'm Aslan, Lion king extraordinaire, and Godly allegory. Give me money!

Girly Girl says:

Didn't you die and come back to life?

Tea-tea Mong-Whore says:

Twice! Give me money!

Girly Girl says:

Why would a lion need money?

Tea-tea Mong-Whore says:

Ummm...

Tea-tea Mong-Whore says:

For beer, okay? Aslan needs beer.

Girly Girl says:

beer?

Girly Girl says:

Beer is bad

Girly Girl says:

for lions

Tea-tea Mong-Whore says:

You happy, girl? You happy that your king's an alcoholic?

Girly Girl says:

Tea-tea Mong-Whore says:

Well GOOD! Now get me beer money! And let's never speak of this again!

Girly Girl says:

okay....sniff* sniff*

Girly Girl says:

what no talking now?

Tea-tea Mong-Whore says:

Drinking.

Girly Girl says:

beeR?

Girly Girl says:

gofigure?

Tea-tea Mong-Whore says:

I tell ya, a lion's gotta drink what a lion can get.

Tea-tea Mong-Whore says:

No, I'm drinking soapy water? You happy now, kid? Hunh?

Girly Girl says:

Yes Only I am allowed to drink

Tea-tea Mong-Whore says:

Why I oughtta... Freaking kids. Don't respect their elders. I died and rose again! Seen Simba do that?

* * *

Yeah, I should really stop typing when I'm high on lack of sleep. Especially since this whole Aslan thing has bled into every other thing I'd done tonight...

Able to Drive and Nowhere to Go.

2005-01-26T22:31:00.000-07:00

So it's been a week and a half since I last updated. This is because it's been a week and a half since I'd had a day off.

No, you're right. I could have update by writing in the evening. But I'm pretty exhausted these days due to idiocy and lack of sleep.

And it's the same old pattern.

In any case, on with the musings...

* * *

I picked up my car on Monday.

It started out by going to the licenser to get my plates. Apparently, Bob and Cathy misread the VIN, and so it took a little while to find the car on the database.

Issuer: So...you go this car in town?

Me: Sherwood Park, yes.

Issuer: Not, say, the States?

Me: No, it's Sherwood Park alright. Since the guy who sold me it is taking me to it after I get my plates from you, I certainly hope it's not in the States.

She looks up Cathy's name in the system.

Issuer: Wow. What are the odds that they've got two 1995 Ford Escorts under her name?

Me: One's a four door. The one I bought is a coupe, if that helps.

We finally figured it out, and I got a great plate.

I was considering vanities that said "Jago" on it or something. The issuer told me that they cost $200 (as opposed to under $50 for a regular set), and that some kids like to collect vanities by taking them off. And that it costs $75 to replace.

So I got letters that remind me of where I live, and numbers that, coincidentally enough, are the first three digits for my Grandpa's old phone number, the first Edmonton number I needed to memorize.

Good plate.

I went to Bob's office, and we drove to his place to pick up my car. It's in good condition. Although I really need to take off the big pick heart decal on the rear windshield.

My first drive? I had to get to girlone's office to pick up the official insurance papers, and to change the VIN so it actually looks like I'm driving the car I own, as opposed to an out-of-country car I might have stolen.

I remember her saying where she worked, but really only remembered that it was on the OTHER side of SP. Like, Saskatchewan-way...

I found myself nowhere near the office, but did realize that the last time I was in this area of Sherwood park, there was a huge church in the middle of nowhere. (And it was one we'd constantly attend for the Passion Play a family friend was involved in.) Now there's a huge church in the middle of urban sprawl.

I hit the Sobey's parking lot in search of a pay phone to call up girlone and get better directions. There's no pay phone in the supermarket, which is tres weird. I look down the sprawl. Blockbuster Video, Tim Horton's...

I consider taking my car, but it's only half a parking lot away. No probs. I walk into the donut shop. No pay phone. Video store. Nada.

I look down the way. Another strip mall. Reconsider going back for the car, slap myself for being a pussy. For the past few years, I walked everywhere. Eight blocks was nothing. I wasn't going to succumb to being a slave to my car to walk down to another parking lot.

There's no pay phone here either. What's down the street? Esso station. There's GOTTA be a payphone there.

I finally find one, after walking two blocks worth of sprawl. But I'm NOT a slave to the car!

I call up girlone, and she tells me she's on the OTHER far side of Sherwood Park (namely, north) so I trudge back to my car.

I tell her this story when I get to her office.

Girlone: You've only had the car for an hour. Wait a while. You'll get enslaved.

Me: I can see it tonight. "Well, Canton. Good night! I'm off to my room!" Vrooom down the hallway.

So since then, since my week and a half of constantly working, I've gotten to drive it thrice. Once to get lost in Sherwood Park, and twice to get to D!'s for wrestling.

Tomorrow, though, I go out to buy an extension cord for the block heater, and a scraper. And some gravel for the walk.

* * *

On Friday, I shoveled the walk.

Now, this is something that might be uncharacteristic. Because I hate housework. There's a reason I've got fond memories of my apartment (well, aspects of it anyway...); one of those was the fact that I didn't have to mow any lawn or shovel any walk.

But, I figured if Canton was planning on shoveling with his bad knee, I might as well do it. And man, it was a "feel the burn" moment. Once I hit the back fence, I said "Screw it. My car can take the non-shoveled part. This'll do."

* * *

So I'm not going to Mill Woods right away, since I'm apparently taking over managing Northgate while their manager goes on vacation. And then I might take over St. Albert while their manager goes on a two-week paternity leave.

I hope I get paid for this. Granted, I'm treating this as "Keep the store afloat, do the daily reports, sell," not as "Gotta revolutionize the store" like some people have in the past. (The Frenchman will remember when Christine took over Bonnie Doon for a while...) So I'm not expecting to do a lot of "manager work."

Good thing I've got a car.

* * *

I downloaded a bunch of Katamari Damacy tunes. SUCH a brilliant soundtrack.

Also, I realized how much I LOVE Outkast and especially, "So Fresh, So Clean."

Seriously, "I love who you are/I love who you ain't/You're so Anne Frank/Let's hit the attic to hide out for 'bout two weeks" is one of my favourite lyrics.

* * *

Remind me to tell you about falling in love with a barista girl while "personal shopping" for a customer. I even started writing a song about it...

* * *

Reading: Finished up Bloodsucking Fiends by Christopher Moore. And realized I only had two more of his books to read (Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove and The Stupidest Angel). Currently on Knight Life by Peter David.

Listening to: Katamari Damacy songs, the usual mix tape for the store, redone every few weeks to get fresher songs in.

Sigh. Sorry about the wait...

2005-01-16T13:37:00.000-07:00

So, yeah. Haven't posted in a while. It's a matter of distractions, with Paper Mario, Prince of Persia, work, wrestling at D!'s, etc. Just been too tired to post for the most part.

* * *

So Safeway's got a new contest these days: Safeway Bingo. You win prizes by getting a blackout card with the numbers they give you.

The secondary contest is to get letters to spell out SAFEWAY and BINGO. You get three letters in your gamepiece.

I opened the gamepiece on my most recent visit, only to find the following letter combination. (And I couldn't make this up to save my life...)

B. S. E.

When I told Canton about this, he died laughing and said, "You should go into Safeway and shout 'I got Mad Cow Disease from Safeway.'"

I'm not sure if I'm going to cut the card up or not. I'll probably leave it the way it is.

* * *

I'm SO close to having my car now. Girlone's getting me my insurance ready for tomorrow, I get my plates once that's done, and Bob's picking me up on Monday to get the car from Sherwood Park.

Girlone and I have been faxing each other furiously with my drivers abstracts and plate histories etc. (Yup. I paid $20 for information I already knew: I've got a clean driving record in Alberta. Saskatchewan? Two accidents on my insurance.)

Girlone said I could fax the rest of the stuff to her so I would be set for Friday.

Me: Would a fax of a cheque work?
Girlone: Oh. Right.
Me: Hey! I could fax the same $20 bill again and again and really save money!
Girlone: Quiet.

* * *

I'm being transferred out of downtown to go to Mill Woods now. Good thing I've got a car.

The manager of Mill Woods is taking over Downtown and making it joint-venture, which means that he's in charge of salaries. Since he's bringing in his wife as his assistant manager, and he's not really willing to take on the salaries of two assistants, it's either me moving to a different store, or me taking a pay cut to become a sales associate again.

The good news is I'll still be with Chris, who I like working with. The bad news is I'm back to regular mall hours this way. No more kick-ass evenings off...

THINGS I WILL MISS ABOUT DOWNTOWN

- The sheer amount of beauties who come into our store. We tend to be the closest mall for most university students by LRT, and we've got a lot of good-looking women who work downtown. So that's going to be a loss.

- The hours. Seriously, who doesn't love leaving a sales job at 5:30 or 6 pm instead of 9:30?

- Hitting Fat Frank's on the way to work. Granted, it's no longer summer, which was when the kiosk is a block away from the mall, but still...

THINGS I WILL NOT MISS ABOUT DOWNTOWN

- Barry and Kenneth, my co-workers. Good riddance.

- The low-rent customers we get. God, we got some characters. The mall gets the weirdest diversity of clientele.

* * *

That's really all that's new with me the past while. I'll leave you off with this, which seems to be the best English-German phrasebook ever.

Reading: The Island of the Sequined Love Nun, by Christopher Moore
Listening to: Jesus Christ Superstar, the original cast recording.

Albums I Bought Last Year

2005-01-05T23:52:00.000-07:00

After I read Dev's Top Albums of 2004, I was thinking about what my favourite albums would be.

After realizing that my mix discs have been prominent in my discman, especially when I upgraded to a MP3 hybrid, I decided I'd say which albums I bought in the past year:

Steve Burns - Mighty Little Man

- In 2003, when I joined the Failure message boards, I heard about how that guy who was known as Steve, the guy in the green striped sweater on Blue's Clues, had released a rock album, my curiosity was piqued. I found that I was able to sample the songs on his site, and ended up buying the album in the first week of 2004. It was a staple in my discman for a long time.

Melissa McClelland - Stranded in Suburbia

- It was a matter of me hearing the title track on the satellite feed at West Ed, and trying to find the song on my file-sharing program. I found her website, where I was able to sample her songs. And then bought her album a bit later.

Franz Ferdinand - Self-Titled

- It was mostly "This Fire" that got me into this band. That and Dev brought up his copy of the album to play one day. Sort of New New Wave from a bunch of Scots? How could I refuse?

Cake - Pressure Chief

- The first time I heard "No Phone," I was entranced. It was classic Cake, which I've been digging for a few years, although this single included a lot more of electronica, and so I was intrigued...

Garden State Soundtrack

- After Matthew Baldwin of defectiveyeti raved about the movie and how well the soundtrack helped out with the feel of the movie, I thought I'd give it a listen. Some great stuff on that disc, although it's pretty mellow. Especially Iron and Wine...Mellow, but really beautiful.

U2 - How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb

- I got this for Christmas, and it's a decent album. Not my favourite U2 album, mind you. As Dev told me, "I find it like it's a U2 greatest Hits disc from a parallel universe. It's like it's all stuff they could have recorded at different points of their career." I still haven't checked out the DVD that came with it. I guess I'll get around to it in the next few days...

The Postal Service - Give Up

- Also from Matthew Baldwin's recommendations, this was an album that I started out with one song. (Such Great Heights) Ammon, a co-worker, was so obsessed with the song, he bought the album and played it for an entire day in the store. I gave it to my brother for Chistmas. How're you liking it, Brade?

David Cross - It's Not Funny

- Not as long as his first album (a double disc, "Shut Up, You Fucking Baby," that I picked up last year), but still the angry biting humour that Cross is known for. ("Oh? Have you heard Evanescence? They rock. Yeah? You think so? you're right: they really suck, don't they?") He still says everything I'd like to say but am not asshole-y enough to say. (Say say SAY say say...)

Jakalope - It Dreams

- I found this, a Canadian-ish group of artists, such as producer Dave Ogilvie, NiN frontman Trent Reznor, and Calgary unknown Katie B, on the same site as Melissa McClelland. I like it, although it's sort of lite-industrial. Way better than Evanescence in my opinion, mind you. Also received this for Christmas, although I've been a fan since I heard it, which does predate the singles on the radio. That's right. I'm indie hardcore...

Otherwise, it's a whole bunch of singles I've put on my MP3 discs. I'm sure I'll be trying some of those albums in the near future. (Especially Lansing-Dreiden and Secret Machines. I found those gems on The Morning News.)

Any discs anyone think I should be getting? (No, Dev. Not Shatner...)

Why must others' pain be so funny sometimes?

2005-01-04T20:27:00.000-07:00

At about 4:30, I was in the back room, eating my lunch, when I got a phone call from a customer who bought something earlier on in the day.

The customer had come when it's busy (but really, when isn't my store busy?), and asked the most useless staff member I have (sometimes that could identify a few of my co-workers) where he could find auto power adapters. Kenneth pointed him in the right direction, while trying to help others in the store.

The guy bought a cheap power adapter and took it home to plug in his portable TV into his car.

The TV takes 6 volts of power. The adapter puts out 12 volts. (A little electronics lesson for people who aren't really aware: Giving an electronic gadget twice as much power as it's supposed to have usually makes that gadget smoke, or even explode.)

So he's asking what my store can do for him.

I told him I'd get back to him after calling up my manager.

What I'm thinking is, "Look, ass-nuts. It's your fault for not checking voltage before you plug something in. I'm not sure if you asked Kenneth if it would work or what. I'm hoping you didn't ask him a single thing about it and just paid for the adapter. That would do two things: a) Kill any liability on our end. b) Keep me from killing Kenneth for another day."

Chris pretty much had the same reaction. So we decided to call my DM and see what he said.

Of course, I only got Mike's voicemail. And he didn't return my call.

Good thing Chris said he'd take care of it in the morning, because I'm not sure if I'd just flip out on this guy if he came to take talk to me or what...

Only in Britain...

2005-01-03T23:22:00.000-07:00

I was on the Channel 101 boards, reading about the new Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy trailer. Which is an interesting teaser. Nothing you'll see other than the world blowing up and the words "Don't Panic" on the screen.

(Apparently Axler squealed noticeably in the theater while watching the trailer before "Flight of the Phoenix.")

While I liked the books, I did see the "movie" that the BBC put out (which, really, was just the complete TV series reedited and given less frame of reference. Not as good as, say, Red Dwarf. Or, as I've heard second hand, Spaced...)

I was given a link to the guys who were put in charge of the new adaptation. They're a company called Hammer and Tongs.

While browsing through what they're done, I was, in a word, impressed.

Ever seen the R.E.M. video "Imitations of Life," where it's this whole mural of things happening that works together when played backward and forward while focusing on different scenes in the mural? They did it.

Ever seen the Blur video "Coffee and T.V.?" The story of a milk carton who goes off and has adventures within the city in search of a missing guy who's on the side of the container? If not, you're REALLY missing out...(it was voted Best Video of 1999 on MTV Europe, apparently...)

They also did the opening credits to the Ali G. show. (not that many of us have seen it...) And a really weird Beck video. And a great electronica video featuring an Eskimo who tries to melt ice by dancing.

In any case, they've got some great imaginations, and if you want to see whose hands they've put the granddaddy of Sci-Fi humour books, I think you'll agree that Hitchhiker's in some pretty capable hands...

When you open the page, click the Movies link on the top of the page. You won't be disappointed.

Update From the Year 2005!

2005-01-02T19:10:00.000-07:00

Man, it's been a bit of a week. To the point that I've been neglecting my blog. Granted, that's what happens when you're doing something every night and working practically all the rest of the day.

My New Year's resolution is a simple one, but one I'm pretty sure I can handle: I resolve to write something every day.

It doesn't mean you'll be getting daily postings, because it would end up being a boring read. ("Today, I killed a co-worker in my mind. Again.") Sometimes I'll be working on Pirate Academy. Yesterday, I made up programs for the return of Justice City, the warped superhero RPG I'm running. Pretty much any kind of creative writing fits the bill for what I hope to accomplish...

So, I was able to go to my uncle's for Christmas, spend time with the Jago side, minus my family. It was a great time, spending some days with my relatives.

I was going to sleep on my cousin's floor, but Aunt Kim asked if I wanted to take a top bunk in the guest room.

"Who's taking the bottom bunk?"

"Kendra and Ben."

Hmmm...Spend the night on the floor, or sleep with my cousin and her husband...Does the awkwardness win over comfort? Nope. I chose the bed. After announcing in a little kid voice, "I'm having a sleepover with my cousin and her husband!"

I was awakened at about 1 am on Christmas by the front door opening. I took the time to hit the washroom, and bumped into Colin, Kendra's brother. He decided to pull rank and make Kendra and Ben take the couch.

I was okay with sleeping in the same room as Colin and his wife, Joanne. Maybe it's because I've had sleepovers with Colin before. It was a little awkward, but not half as much as sleeping with a good looking female cousin. And her husband.

The next day, while Colin and Kim made tourtiere for breakfast, I asked Joanne, "Um, was I snoring at all?"

"Oh yeah," she replied.

Whoops.

The dinner that night was the Uncle Dan tradition, prime rib. For about the past ten years, it's always been the best cut of prime rib Dan could find.

I love Uncle Dan's tradition. I'm a huge beef-ivore, and while I like my turkey, I'll tend to always take the cow over the bird. Even if my mom is a fan of traditional turkey dinners. I had that at Pseudo Christmas.

EJ liked the memory card I bought for her to supplement my parents' gift of a digital camera. Braden was confused about my choice of media for him (He's never heard of the Greg the Bunny DVD or the Postal Service.) Mom and Dad like their new Cranium board game, although Mom can never find herself a family member who wants to team up with her.

I've been watching the Eddie Guerrero DVD Braden bought me (5 hours of special features!), I've been playing the video game EJ gave me, I've been reading the book my aunt Marian gave me, and I've been wearing the fleece shirt Mom got me.

I had to leave my uncle's house relatively early, so I could prepare for hitting the store at 7 am on Boxing Day. It wasn't horribly crazy, although I was ready to crash about halfway through the day.

Good thing Canton, Deus Ex and I went to go see The Life Aquatic on Monday. I liked the movie a lot, but then, I'm usually in love with anything Wes Anderson does. Bill Murray did a very good job, and once you get to the pirates scene, you'll wonder if it hit "dream sequence." Also, salsa versions of David Bowie sound pretty cool acoustic...

I got D! hooked on Katamari Damacy, which I got him for Christmas. A night was spent playing that...

On New Year's Eve, I went to the Morris celebration. I learned how to play some new games, and I got a new reason for hating myself.

Reason 3,862 Why Jago's An Idiot

During the celebrations, one of Keith's friends, Monique was talking with me. She's cute, and teaches junior high.

After midnight, she was heading to another party with the Sherwood Park friends of Keith, and she asked, "Hey, Jago. Want to come?"

In my less-than-stellar mindset of not enough sleep, I told her, "You know, I'd like that, but it's hard enough to get home from here, let alone Sherwood Park. Thanks for the offer, though." Also, I wouldn't have known anyone.

About two minutes after she left, I woke up enough to scream at myself internally. "You IDIOT! When a good looking girl asks you if you want to go somewhere else, you say 'Yes!' It's the guy code! Your friends would understand why you left! Canton and Dev would understand you coming home late, if at all!"

* * *

Yesterday, we held the Third Annual New Year's Brunch at the house. As Dev put it, "Half as greasy as the first one, not as healthy as the second one."

I made my usual Eggs Benedict for Dev, Canton, Marauder, Anita, and Barber. Also consumed were mimosas, bacon, croissants, and chocolate fondue.

We followed up the food with a board game and a round of Justice City. I made sure they'd have something to deal with for the next game, and it was all pretty much set up. But, man, will it be a battle royal next time around!

In any case, it's time I hit Paper Mario's Chapter Three. Until next post...

Observations On My Way Back Home From Smackdown!

2004-12-24T01:51:00.000-07:00

1. I feel very naked when I'm not walking with my backpack. Seriously, that piece of fabric filled with my essentials has become a part of me. To the point where my balance is off if I'm not walking with it on my back in winter.

2. I really should have said something to the girl I was following down Whyte. Or even the cute cashier at Safeway. As usual, I didn't...

3. A half block away from the house, there was a big tomato or something on a tree. In winter! Upon closer inspection, it was a fake apple, along with a rubber snake entwined up the branch. Very cool, although pretty odd...

* * *

I was talking with my sister today. Apparently, when I sent my family's presents via Purolator, EJ's present got unwrapped. Luckily, Dad was able to scoop it out before she saw it.

EJ: That makes it easier for me to snoop. Maybe not more fun, but a lot less work.

Me: Why would you snoop at your Christmas gifts?

I was reminded of the last time I snooped at my Christmas gifts. I guess I must have been eleven or so, and I was SO busted by my mom.

Granted, when my mom came into her bedroom to find me on a chair in her closet, there wasn't much I could do to deny the facts...

EJ: I've been snooping since I was four.

Me: WHAT?

EJ: I've never been caught. I'm rarely surprised.

It took a little bit of brain wrapping to actually consider that for the past eighteen years, my sister's been sneaking peeks at her Christmas gifts. I haven't done it since I was caught SO red-handed, and so I couldn't imagine being able to do it every single year since!

In any case, I work tomorrow, and need to go to bed. Then, tomorrow, off to Beaumont to spend Christmas with the Jago side, not including my family...So I probably won't post until after the craziness that will be Sunday at work.

Merry Christmas. I hope everyone has a great Christmas Day, and hopefully you all will be able to spend it with your loved ones.

Anagrammatically correct

2004-12-19T23:05:00.000-07:00

Lord, I'm stuffed. I participated in the Pseudo-Christmas some of my friend decided to organize.

It went really well, other than the girls losing power in the church hall we rented for three hours during a monstrous windstorm (I'm blaming you, Dave!) this aft.

Since everyone was asked to bring some pot-luck food item, I thought it was time for me to whip up a bunch of Yorkshire Puddings for the event.

My mom sent me a new recipe that makes the puddings NOT turn out like hockey pucks. (Don't get me wrong, I love the stuff regardless of its shape. But my family's Yorkshires never fluffed up like they were supposed to.) Problem was, it was supposed to make 9 puddings. And there were going to be a lot of people at the dinner.

So, I sextupled the recipe. A dozen eggs, 3 litres of milk, 3 litres of flour, a bit of salt and some melted butter. Made for a crapload of baking for the afternoon.

But, man! The new recipe makes the puddings rise, that's for sure! Hot damn! So I was able to make about 36 Yorkshires using my recipe. Apparently, I'm making them a little heavier than what they should be. Although Canoegirl, herself a Pudding fanatic, gave me some tips to make them rise even more.

It was a fun time, seeing some people I haven't for a while: The Hamilton Morris Couple, Mel and Doug...And some people I've seen recently that I never tire of: Girlone, Canoegirl, Crazy Eight, etc...

It was a good meal and fun gathering. Thanks for inviting me this year, girls. Let's do it again next time...

* * *

Those of you who read this journal will most likely know that I'm a fan of writing and literature. And my close friends know me well enough to know I like parodying writing and literature even moreso.

So when I found this site, which imagines what poetry and prose would be like if the title of the poem was an anagram of the author's name, I laughed my ass off.

Also, browse Modern Humorist for some great things, such as the Jim Morrison flash game, or the Positive Prank Calls.

Melodramatic Office Theatre

2004-12-19T13:54:00.000-07:00

A conversation with MFJ from a while back. As always, I am in green...

Jenna says:
brb faxing (again)
Transferred... says:
Always with the faxing!
Transferred... says:
Maybe you should MARRY the fax machine...
Jenna says:
lol Leave me alone, *SOB!*
Transferred... says:
I'm sorry! I just always see you...and it..
Transferred... says:
And I'm afraid I'm being left out of the equation!
Transferred... says:
So...I'm giving you an ultimatum.
Transferred... says:
Me! Or your PRECIOUS fax machine...
Transferred... says:
And before you make that decision, let me say this:
Jenna says:
lol
Transferred... says:
I can do anything that fax machine can do.
Transferred... says:
I can hook up a phone cord into me and digitally send a picture anywhere in the world.
Transferred... says:
But the fax machine has me beat in one respect.
Transferred... says:
It can love you a lot more than I ever could...
Jenna says:
WHAT???!!!
Jenna says:
And why is that exactly???!!!
Transferred... says:
You see, my dear. That fax machine is a cyborg. It has a human heart.
Transferred... says:
Granted, I'm a cyborg, too, but my heart is made of silly putty and transistors.
Jenna says:
*gasp*
Jenna says:
[In shock. Not sure what to say...]
Transferred... says:
I think is was Thoreau who said, "Hath not a man a soul, so he can love?"
Transferred... says:
I have no soul. Therefore, I cannot love.
Transferred... says:
So, that fax machine IS the better choice. Go on, and marry IT. While I will cry like there's no tomorrow over having lost you...
Jenna says:
LOL!!!
Jenna says:
I love you, Jago!
Transferred... says:
But the fax can love you back!
Jenna says:
No. *sniff* No, it can't! It's not the saaame!!! [wails]
Transferred... says:
No, my dear. It's for the best this way. Leave me with my non-existent soul and my silly putty pseudo-heart...
Jenna says:
[sobs] If that's the way it HAS to be...
Jenna says:
I will try to resign myself to this pining...
Transferred... says:
And I will go off, always thinking about you, and the times we had, and wishing, someday that I could have a soul...
Transferred... says:
And although I want to RIP! the heart out of that accursed machine, and shove it in my endoskeleton, I know that it wouldn't be right....
Jenna says:
But...but it would! And we could run away together! Far from this accursed place!
Transferred... says:
You're doing it again, aren't you? You're feeding paper into the machine, and sending it across the airwaves?
Transferred... says:
AREN'T YOU?
Jenna says:
Um, well...yes...
Transferred... says:
Fine! I know that must be done.
Jenna says:
But I swear it means NOTHING to me. Nothing!
Transferred... says:
[storms over to the fax, tears out the toner cartridge]
Transferred... says:
THERE!
Jenna says:
[Faints]
Transferred... says:
[Camera shot from above: Jago looks towards the heavens, with an unconscious Jen at his feet...]
Transferred... says:
Nooooooo!!!!!!
Jenna says:
[wistful violins starting softly, then swelling to a crescendo as the camera, looking down on the scene, zooms up beyond the clouds...]
Transferred... says:
My hands are black, tainted with the soul of this fax machine! Why! WHY, GODDAMN YOU!!!?!?!
Transferred... says:
[Fade to black]
Transferred... says:
Narrator VO: And there ends another story from Office Theatre.
Transferred... says:
Melodramatic Office Theatre, maybe...
Jenna says:
LOL!!!
Jenna says:
Oh, my God. I've never had quite so much fun on Messenger before.
Transferred... says:
Pshaw...You just have to be in the right mood...
Transferred... says:
Although I thought you might have picked up on the fact that, by feeling jealousy and sorry, I would HAVE to have a soul...
Transferred... says:
Ah, well...
Transferred... says:
Yup. This was one for the transcripts all right...

Work issues that irk me.

2004-12-16T01:03:00.000-07:00

Well, one for sure. But first, let me tell you about the wonderful work day that was yesterday.

These days, with the mall being open longer, I'm usually closing the store, and can afford to show up at 11 am instead of 9 am. So I get to sleep in a bit.

Chris, however, seems to be getting burnt out. I can understand why, since I'm getting there, too. The store is so insane every day, and this is both Chris' and my first Christmas in management positions. So it seems that nothing ever gets done because everybody's helping customers. On the other hand, my sales are doing pretty well.

So Chris' dad came into town for the day, and Chris decided to head out early. It was also Barry's day off, but he had a customer who was getting a stereo sent to her house, so he needed to come in to arrange that.

Unfortunately for me, Barry's idea of "arranging things for this customer" was to drop it in my lap.

"Okay. She'll be home at about 4 pm, so you can send it to her house at that time. Also, let's call a cab company to do it, since our courier service is really sucking."

So, at 3:55, I get a call from this customer, who doesn't speak English all that well. "I'm home now, so you can send me the stereo."

I'm about to call the cab company, when I realize it would help if I had an address to send it to. I look up the receipt, and manage to find it only due to how foreign her name was. Barry, the guy with excellent foresight, didn't leave me a name or address.

Unfortunately, the address on the receipt is #9116 107 106 St. Which, if you live in the area, and are familiar with the efficient Edmonton way of gridding everything, you'd know does NOT exist.

There's no 107 106 St. Unless she lived in the oil refineries. Or the highway.

I call the phone number on the receipt. No answer. I call again. No answer. She must not have given us the right phone number, since she SAYS she's home, but not picking up a ringing phone.

4:30 pm. I get a call for her, asking where this stereo is.

Me: "Okay, I needed you to call back, because I don't have your address."

Her: "Apartment 9116. 107 106 St."

Me: "I'm sorry. That's not an address."

Her: "I live on 106 St. And 90 Ave."

Me: "So do you live at 9116 106 St? Or 90 Ave? (decides to go a different way with this) Tell you what. Can you give me your postal code?"

Her: "It's T6x 0x0. (I'm forgetting this, obviously)"

Me: "Okay. If you'll hold on a second, I'll find out where this postal code leads."

Her: "So I can hang up?"

Me: "NO!Pleasedon'thang(click) FUCK!" (I'm obviously in the back room when this conversation takes place.)

Okay, the woman's obviously an idiot. But I can't call her back, because I DON'T HAVE A PROPER PHONE NUMBER!!! So I look up the postal code. And find out that she WAS wrong, and that it was 9116 106 St. So the apartment MUST be 107.

So I call up the taxi, head outside with this HUGE stereo, waiting for the cab. When it comes, we start loading it in, and I give the guy what meager directions I have for him. Meanwhile, a security guard throws a young woman out of the mall. This leads to a great piece of outdoor performance art. Which the cabbie and I decide to watch, while holding this 50 pound stereo halfway into a cab.

"Fuck YOU, you SHIT! I'm doing my fucking CHRISTMAS shopping! You fuck! You fucking piece of SHIT! Kick ME out of the fucking mall! Fuck!"

Interesting story all by itself. If ONLY that was the hardship of the day. BESIDES getting repairs that have been sitting for a few weeks out. And then THIS phone call:

Me: "RadioShack Downtown. Kyle speaking."

Girl: "Is Chris there?"

Me: "I'm sorry. He's left for the day."

Girl: "Well, isn't that brilliant?"

Me: "Pardon?"

Girl: "I called earlier today because we got a USED iPod. And he was supposed to get me a new one."

Oh. Right. I remember Chris grumbling about this before he left. One of our salesguys sold an iPod that we had to get in from Kingsway. When it comes to stuff from other stores, sometimes people are idiots.

In this case, as well as some others I could share, we asked if they had a new iPod. They confirmed they'd send a new one. It comes in, we give it to the customer. And of course, it turns out not to be new. (Variations on the theme: Selling a "new" computer monitor, bringing it in, only to find out there's a repaired TV in that box. I'll tell you later...) But it's matter of us taking their word for it, and customers yelling at us.

Me: "I'm sorry. I'm not aware of what's been done about this."

Girl: "All I wanted to know is if I could get a new one today. And he was supposed to call me about it."

Me: "Ah. (I check my watch. 4:45.) I'm pretty sure we wouldn't be able to get one for you today."

Girl: "Well, that's an answer. Not the one I wanted to hear. But it would have been nice to have heard an answer beforehand."

Me: "I'm sorry-?" (asking if an apology was good enough from the guy who has no clue what's going on.)

Girl: "I wasn't really happy with the way he treated me this morning. I'll tell you that I'm going to write a letter to your head office about this."

Me: "Okay. If that's what you feel you should do."

Girl: "What's your manager's name?"

Me: "His name is Chris."

Girl: "That's it?"

Me: "That's the name he goes by, yes."

Girl: "Well, it could be short for Christopher, or Christian."

Me: "(chuckling) Well, it's not like I'm giving you an alias. Chris is his name. Last name McCrea."

Girl: "You don't have to be defensive about it."

Me: (about to say "I'm not being defensive." Which, of course, would be defensive in her eyes.) "Okay."

Girl: "Because if I'm writing a letter to head office, I'm going to need his name. My mother's coming in on Monday to return this iPod. And she's not as nice as I am."

Me: "Okay. Thank you."

I hang up. And immediately think, Man, if her mom's half the bitch that this girl is, I'm staying the hell out of the store on that day.

* * *
So, yeah. Yesterday was not my best day. I decided to unwind with some wrestling and beer with D! and Elimination.

My beef TODAY is about Kenneth, one of our new hires. He's bad. Not just Anthony-autistic bad, but bad.

He doesn't learn, takes half an hour to sell a phone that a customer wanted when they came in, and talks too much for his own good.

Also, he doesn't "trust the products we sell." Which really pisses me off, because if there's a product I hate, I try to recommend one that I like. If a customer asks me which phone is better, Panasonic or Nexxtech (our crappy house brand), I tell them point-blank, the Panasonic. Better phone, higher price. And it's worth the higher price.

But what I DON'T do is badmouth our products, like Kenneth does.

There's now a list of things I forbid Kenneth to talk to customers about. Today, he forced me to add cell phones to the list.

A cute girl came in asking about cell phones, and she got Kenneth. Guess which store she won't be coming back to. (First of all, I'd definitely help cute girls all the time, especially when it gets me the revenue cell phones give me. Second, I was too late to stop Kenneth. So I decided to listen to his spiel.)

Turns out that only way he could have done any worse would be to say, "You know, cell phones give you cancer." Or "Do you know how many children died in a sweatshop to make that phone?"

Granted, it wasn't much better. It was all I could do to not throw the heaviest, most blunt product I could find at him.

Kenneth: "One way where the cell phone carriers get you is in roaming fees. If you're traveling through a place that doesn't gave reception for your cell phone, you can get dinged a LOT of money, even by three or four different carriers."

Me, while pulling my hair out and considering slitting his throat with an ExactoKnife: "Kenneth, that's only in the States! The only time she'll have a problem is if she leaves the country. Here in Canada, Rogers has reception EVERYWHERE!"

Kenneth: "Still, you can lose a LOT of money through roaming fees."

Me: "KENNETH! Rogers doesn't have any roaming fees within Canada!"

Too late. The cute girl has left. And, surprise! She didn't buy a phone from us.

And I really had to control my temper and refrain from giving him an outright beating.

Sigh. Maybe it'll be better tomorrow. At least I got a RadioShack Card sale on an iPod today. Unopened, this time...

Odd Transformations 20

2004-12-14T10:35:00.000-07:00

Man, if my life was a Cerebus comic, 7.5% would be these dream issues...

My dream today was that I was back in Moose Jaw, hanging out during sort of a Heritage Days period.

I remember a lot to do with horses that could turn into humans at any time (sort of like Piers Anthony's Apprentice Adept series), and that one of them was tolerating me riding her. Because when it comes to horseriding, I can't even do it properly in my dreams.

Also, some generic friend was falling in love with one of them (in human form, of course). And when we left one of the horses in the front yard, a nosy neighbour from next door decided to Christmas wrap it.

Otherwise, not too many details stick in my head.

A one-act, written last week

2004-12-14T01:27:00.000-07:00

Characters:

Jago: the narrator
Grank: friend of Jago
Jago's Brain: Jago's brain.

Setting: Jago's house, at his computer. Grank, on Messenger, has just finished reading Jago's journal.

Grank: So, this girl on the bus. Please tell me you talked to her and gave her a good "get in her pants" line.

Jago: Sorry, I didn't.

Grank: Why not?

Jago: I was too into my book and music, I guess. Besides, I was going to D!'s for some wrestling action, and I couldn't very well stand him up.

Jago's Brain: [inner monologue] My GOD! You did WHAT? What the hell did you do that for? That's it. I'm leaving! (Footsteps, door slamming.)

Jago: (to Grank) Besides, I was a coward.

Grant: (laughs) That's an explanation that's closer to the truth.

Jago: I guess I'll be stalking the Manulife Place bus stop for a while now, waiting for her to come back...

(Lights down. Scene ends.)

Neat Little Link

2004-12-10T16:17:00.000-07:00

This website shows what the skeletons of famous cartoon characters would look like.

Pretty neat stuff.

If I could be vain for a tic...

2004-12-10T14:44:00.000-07:00

So I got a haircut before the Kow shows.

My usual stylist wasn't in, and I got a girl who didn't know me. Melissa, my usual stylist can tell what I mean by "short on the sides and back, not so much on the top."

I didn't realize until the end of the cut just how short Jessica had cut it. It looks GOOD, mind you. Just not what I was expecting.

Then she took out a straight razor for the back of my neck. And did a very good job of hacking away the old growth back there. I made sure to give her a good tip.

So, yeah, my hair's currently the shortest it's been in about three, four years.

I have, however, noticed more women checking me out these days. After I hit Swizzlesticks, I was walking to the LRT, and some good looking coeds would smile at me.

Granted, maybe they were previously, and I just had no peripheral vision to see them doing so.

Last night on the bus after work, there were no seats left, so I was standing (as I tend to when no seats are available) in the back doorway.

I was sharing this door space with a cute girl off her work as well, I assume. Slightly Asian features, black hair. You know, the kind I go for. And every time I'd look up from my book (Fluke, by Christopher Moore. Read it!), she be looking at me with a closed-lip smile. And so I'd smile/smirk back.

Short-haired Jago gets the chicks. Why didn't I know about this earlier? (And, if you guys say that you DID tell me this earlier, I'm going to ignore you...)

* * *

One of the reasons it's taken me a week to post was partly due to preparing for the concert Kow had on Saturday.

Before the show, all of us were frazzled to our wits ends, due to people not showing up where they were supposed to, mistaken directions, us sending someone for MFJ, who had decided to take a bus instead, etc...

So, we were a little late and a little unprepared for our first set.

It wasn't bad. We sang well, and junk. It's mostly a matter of we lost the stage presence we had at Fringe, mostly due to us being shellshocked.

The ESC did a decent job yet again, even though due to the technical side being all screwed up, no one in the audience could figure out where skits started and stopped at some points.

Also, having three interrogation scenes with similar character names really threw us for a loop.

Two White Guys, jugglers, did a good set. The Wombats are also funny, if long, in their improv. D! and some ESC members were grumbling about how long they took, and how "bad" the improv was.

Sure, the improv itself wasn't great, but they had the audience entertained, which was all I, as a host, cared about.

Father Dave, as always, was a great storyteller. The singer we got wasn't so great, as she kept on trying to embellish and failed doing so.

The part that sticks with me the best was, of course, the part that hurt me the most.

The show was going a little long, and Kow was finishing up with their last set. After we left the stage, the audience cheered for an encore.

We walk back onstage, and I do my usual encore schtick, lifted from the Spinal Tap episode: "Thank you, Springton. There will be no encore."

I turn on my heel and fake walking off stage. The audience boos, the rest of Kow's watching me act pompous. I turn around at the curtain, turn on my hell to walk back to the mic, and I find myself flying in the air. Apparently, there was some dust or something on the floor, and I wiped out. Huge.

The audience laughs, I bring it up again during our Hey Ya encore. ("Okay, now Jago!" "Um, I slipped." Beat. Back into the song.)

It wasn't until the next day that I realized I must have fallen onto my left arm, since I wasn't able to support any weight with it for the next few days. I went gimpy, and it hurt like hell afterwards.

* * *

Two days ago, I went over to D!s for some virtual wrestling action, and to hang out with Morgan and Ryan. I decided to bring over a 12 pack of Sleeman's, and put it out onto the porch for a quick cool.

The next day, I went back for some Smackdown, and forgot that we had left the beer on the porch.

Now, I'll admit, I stopped taking chemistry once I graduated from high school, and we were pretty tired when I left the previous day. I forgot that, while some alcohol has a lower freezing point than water, beer isn't really one of them.

So we had six Sleesicles in various flavours. I decided to let mine thaw out by putting them in D! cavernous sink and a tubful of lukewarm water. D! decided to open his and drink around the hunk of ice. At which point, we had a beer volcano happening on his coffee table.

D! decided to wait for one of my thawed beers.

* * *

Reading: Finished up Beauty Tips from Moose Jaw by Will Ferguson, a great travelogue of Canada. In the midst of Fluke.
Listening to: My MP3 mix. Although we're forced to listen to Christmas music at work, so I'm going to have to bring down some of my non-traditional music for the store so I don't go insane.
What's Trapped in My Head: O Christmas Tree, sung by a bunch of synthesized cats and dogs. Kill me.

Odd Transformations 19: When Aliens Attack Choirs!

2004-12-03T07:29:00.000-07:00

Brief post dealing with the dream I just had. And then back to sleep.

I dreamt that Kow was having a workshop with some college jazz/show choir. It might have been in Edmonton, but we were all touring on the same bus around to other places to hold joint concerts.

There was interaction between us and the other choir, and they even had their own Erin Q. or something. I felt obliged to mention to her that there was an Erin Q. in our old choir.

We were at one school, and were sleeping on some classroom floors like choir tours of old. We never slept in the dream, but I do remember laying my stuff on the floor in order to change and prepare for workshops/concerts.

At one point, we were getting ready for a dance between the two groups. Because I remember Dev and I in a friendly competition to pick up some of the girls in the other group.

In the end, before a concert. we were attacked by large aliens, ones that would hurt you with eye beams if they looked at you and decided to strike you down. I guess the best way to describe these things would be to say "Ever seen Neon Genesis Evangelion? They were sort of like pint-sized Angels, and just as deadly." Because there was nothing scarier in my mind as me off the bus confronting one in the parking lot, only to watch as ten more descend to the ground.

It was really one of those "The choirs are doomed" thoughts racing through my dream-self's head.

Also, after one of the choir members got struck down by one of the "Angels," I found out I had the power to consume any type of matter, since I was eating the virus off her face to save her from being infected.

So the moral of the story is, I guess: If you don't want to have dreams connecting dark sci-fi anime and choir tours, don't make a dozen Yorkshire Puddings before bed.

"I Will Make You Fishsticks of Men"

2004-11-29T17:01:00.000-07:00

So for everyone who's interested in idiots in the media, here's a couple of good links:

Woman Sells 10 year Old Cheese Sandwich for $28,000.

And closer to home:

Man Says Fish Stick Looks Like Christ

The woman with the cheese sandwich? Who'd keep a grilled cheese sandwich for 10 years and then sell it on eBay? Who the HELL would BUY a cheese sandwich for $28k???

I mean, at least the guy's doing it for humour value...

* * *

Nothing too much going on with me. Working, working, working.

Got sick on Saturday and took the day off.

Buying a new (for me) video card from my friend Myles. He's buying one that should, I dunno, reach out and slap him in the face or something. And I'll be able to play games that are younger than two years old! Finally, my copy of GTA will run properly! And I'll be ready for World of Warcraft (Canton picked up a copy, and is loving it) or City of Heroes if I decide to get immersed in an online computer game.

Kow show in under a week. Come see it!

Will be involved in a Channel 101 pilot with a guy in town here. That should be fun.

* * *

Canoegirl: I finished Christopher Moore's Practical Demonkeeping. Pretty good for a first novel. Although I'm liking Coyote Blue a bit more...

Lamb's still my favourite, though...

My new obsession...

2004-11-21T19:06:00.000-07:00

Before we start off with the main point I have to make, that being how kickass Katamari Damacy is, a few small things:

On Remembrance Day, I saw two movies.

First of all, girlone, Channers and I saw Ray, the Ray Charles story.

I loved it, mostly because Jamie Foxx does a great job inhabiting the role of Ray, and also due to whenever some bit of music came on, the movie kicked into high gear. Some great musical sequences, including the (fictionalized?) origins of "What'd I Say" and "Hit the Road, Jack."

I was even singing along with "Ray's Rockhouse," even though it was only instrumental and edited. Enough so noone could hear me.

The only things I couldn't reconcile: an end scene where Jamie takes off the glasses in a dream sequence and is able to see, since it was Jamie Foxx there, not Ray Charles Robinson like the rest of the movie. The other was a concert bit where they're singing "Night Time is the Right Time," in which all I thought about was that one episode of The Cosby Show where Cliff's parents are having their anniversary and the family lip syncs the song. (You know what I'm talking about: Where Rudy is the one singing "Baybaaaaaay!!!! Baybayyyyyy!!!")

Later on that night, I saw The Incredibles with Canton. It was also very good, but in a completely different way than Ray.

While Ray moved me more due to the music, The Incredibles was also a good movie.

Unfortunately, I already wrote this once, along with a hugely long-winded rant about how cool Katamari Damacy is.

Let's just leave it at: Whenever a game makes me look around at things on my way to work and think at what I'd need on my ball to roll them up into stars for my drunken "King of the Universe" dad, you know it's a came I'm obsessed with...

Read the reviews. Play the game. For only $30, it's a must-have. I only wish Canton's PS2 wasn't broken...

* * *

While watching Angel with Dev and Canton tonight, I got a 6-pack of Pepsi with my pizza order.

I drank three cans in an hour. I'd drink one, put it on the table, and repeat.

Or so I thought. When I was getting ready to leave the couch and put my cans away, I realized that two cans weren't fully empty. In fact, one wasn't even half finished.

So, yeah. I drank half a can of Pepsi, put it on the coffee table, forgot about it, opened another can, drank from it, forgot about it, opened ANOTHER can and fully drank that one.

Time for bed for Jago.

Reading: As much Christopher Moore as possible. Seriously, for a hilarious read, pick up Lamb.